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Emotional wreck Emotional wreck

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  #1  
Unread 03-22-2005, 06:41 PM
Emotional wreck

Hi, I was wondering if any of you are having problems with emotions, moods, and just a feeling of being unwell...I thought I was doing ok, I had instant menopause and all it's symtoms after my hyster...and had to deal with all that, plus a major complication which reguired more surg. I have survived all that..and don't understand why I don't feel better emotinally, I take HRT, estradiol, and xanax, lexapro, vitamins, high bp meds, and sleeping aid....I have such drastic ups and downs..I thought I was bi-polar, but the dr says no...he changed all the meds to different ones and maybe that caused it...but I am just too upset to return to the dr...after all the gyns and uros and tests, I feel like I cannot take one more test...nothing helps and I feel worse and worse...I almost quit my new job...after having a crying jag..my husband doesn't understand..I asked him if I could get some counceling and he got mad, and said what for????He just doesn't understand , and I don't either..I hate being the way I am..like a big baby over everything...my mom died over 2 yrs ago and that still affects me, as she was my no. 1 cheerleader and support system...I have no one here..Im new to the area...I don't even want to make friends at work, although some have been real friendly to me...I feel so sad, useless and old ( Im 54) I have been married 20 yrs..but I still feel alone...my kids are older and have so many activities..my husband wants me to get involved but Im too tired and have body pain, sometimes I still get the swelly belly ... I just want to lie in bed and not go anywhere, I am working but it is not fun, and a burden all the time..I d like to work part time...but its not worth it and we need the extra income..Im too young for retirement or SS, but feel 85...my dr is understanding but not much he can do...how do any of you cope if you are in my situation...looking up from the bottom...
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  #2  
Unread 03-22-2005, 06:58 PM
Emotional wreck

Hi Kat

Here is a big for you. I know how you are feeling. I went through months of feeling the way you do. I have 4 teenage boys and a DH of almost 22 years. I love them dearly, but were not supportive of me. They don't want to talk about female stuff.I ended up on zoloft for a few months. I am doing much better, but still dealing with medical issues.
There is nothing wrong with counseling. It can make a big difference.My gyn told me I needed to go through some type of therapy, but I refused. I think I would have felt better about things.
I just want you to know you are never alone. There are so many good ladies here to offer support and hugs. They have been a life saver to me. It will get better. Do what you feel will make you feel better.Don't worry about what your family says. My DH rolled his eyes when I told him I was put on antidepressants. He just didn't get it.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.
s and more s
Peggy
  #3  
Unread 03-22-2005, 07:05 PM
Emotional wreck

otion: Peggy, thank you...you made me feel sooo much better about what I am facing..I felt so alone..Im sorry you went through so much but I am glad you are dealing with it...I feel like a dr jeckle and mr hyde..sometimes...and no one understands women's "stuff" nor want to...:cry: I sure do appreciate your reply ..hugs and love and prayers...vangoghs kat
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  #4  
Unread 03-22-2005, 07:57 PM
Emotional wreck

Hi Kat,
From someone who was there, I hope you can find the help. I was depressed for years upon years. Didnt understand why, now I have some clues as to why. Seek counselling, my DH was against it but he has seen how much it has helped me, and besides it wasnt his decision, it was mine. Just like it is yours....If you need it, and want it, do it for you.

There are so many antidepressants on the market today, it most definitely may be trial and error but one will help you. I was allergic to many of them, and after my surgery my doctor put me on Effexor which I had tried in the past and absolutely hated the beginning feelings of anxiety. I used Ativan with it for the first 6 weeks as needed, and got through them. Had some nasty sexual issues so finally after vagifem and testosterone treatments, he told me he wasnt willing to add another drug when there was such a variety. I was absolutely terrified to go off as i felt so wonderful, minus any sexual feelings. Went off, and have not looked back. This was after probably 30 years if not more of heavy depression.

Sweety, tell your doctor how you feel. After having tried so many antidepressants, somehow I feel you will know while taking them if they are working. I felt so much better after my 6 weeks I was amazed. I was only on them for maybe 3.5 mos, 4 tops. Do not let them leave you on them forever, they work best if you take for 6 mos to a year...I hope you can have an open relationship with your doctor because seriously, that is what saved me. He somehow managed to get out of me the fact of my sexual abuse, which no one really knew about...Somehow I felt I could tell him...He has been instrumental in helping.

Please please find someone you can talk to, be it your doctor, a counsellor, a psychologist, anyone....You deserve to have happiness and the life that want...

Hugs and love
kat
  #5  
Unread 03-22-2005, 09:00 PM
Hang in there!!!

Kat((((((HUGS)))))),

First of all, You are NOT old. I am 37, my mom will be 60 in June and she is not old!! I do know that I feel 87 most days. It is a terrible thing we are all going through. I have a supportive husband, but he does get frustrated sometimes and thinks I'm not doing enough to help myself. I have some family members that understand and some talk behind my back and some pretend to understand. I am so sorry you have lost your mom. My mom is one of my best friends along with my sister. It is my dad, brothers, and know it all sis in law that are the worst! Why is she sick again, why this, why that. Well, heck don't you think I want to feel better? Please!!! Don't we all?!!
I don't want to be in bed half the month. I have been on about 9 different anti depressants. At one time they helped, but now that isn't what I need. I am only depressed when people don't listen. and when I can't take care of my family and I am second guessed. i have one teenager that is onry with me when I get sick and one that is just a love and helps me no matter what. She always says "oh mom, Im sorry, I'll stay in your room tonight. Do you need anything?!" Then I have a 4yr old active little boy. What a life. It makes me cry as I type this. I hate this life!! I know exactly how you feel!!! I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it all away and make you feel better and everyone else that is going through this!
My new GYN put me on birth control to see if we can stop the ovulation pain that causes me to vomit and be in bed for 3 days or so every month. it has on;ly been 2 weeks and she wants me to give it 4 months. We will see.
I wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't sick every month!
Well, thanks for letting me vent when I was supposed to be making YOU feel better!
Hang in there and you go see who you need to for YOU!!!
Take care and write soon!
Shireen
  #6  
Unread 03-22-2005, 09:02 PM
Emotional wreck

VG Kat,

I was browsing thru the different sites here on HS and just happened across yours. I technically shouldn't be here, as I am 3 monthes post op. However your story hit a chord. Around 10 years ago I was diagnosed with with several things, Fibromylgia, Bi-Polar and one other one of which i have forgotten now. I went thru counseling for almost 2 years. What ultimately happened was that I left the man I was with. I am not suggesting something that drastic, however sometimes its caused by something that you don't see, or don't want to admit is a problem. I was on so many meds in the beginning. First they thought I was just depressed for no reason and put me on antidepressants. Then I had manic episode with those which led to my diagnosis as bi-polar. I had terrible back pain, even though I was only 20. This was supposedly because of "fibromylgia". They had me on heavy meds for that. I then became a cutter. You know what that is? I would cut myself or bite myself until I drew blood because I was losing all sensation. They wanted to admit me to a psych ward and I refused. So they refused to give me more meds. I went off everything cold turkey, which was bad becaue I had gotten addicted to teh pain meds. Luckily for me I realized that I suffered from what I call "pitfall harry syndrom" (can't explain the title as it would take too long). But basically I realized that I felt compelled to stay with the guy I was with and when I would think I was too good for him and should leave, instead of walking out the door i would screw around on him, not wanting to leave him until I was sure I had another man in my life. One day in the middle of winter when we had the storm of the century down here and the snow drifts were above my thighs, my then boyfriend dropped me off at work and left. OF course my job was closed and I was left to walk home (2 miles) in the snow storm. When I arrived he was not there as he was out messing with one of his numerous girls he was messing with. AT that time I realized that my life was hell because of him and I would never ever be a functioning memeber of society if I didn't take care of myself. I was depending on everyone around me to do everything. I paid all my bills and gave the rest of my money to my then boyfriend who blew it on whatever HE wanted. Yet I didnt' know how to do basic things. I never had to fix my own flat or fix anything around the house. Once I came to that realization I picked myself up and made the changes I had to. I stayed on my own for a few years, with a couple diffesrent boyfriends, but none of whom I lived with. I took care of everyting myself and depended on no one. In those days I lived in a trailor with no heat. I worked a split shift at a pizza place making around $100/week and trying to live on that. I had a baby to take care of also. I couldnt' afford to buy shampoo and for awhile had to use cloth diapers cuz I couldn't afford disposable ones. You know where I am now? I live in a 2000 square foot house in the best neighborhood in my town. My DD goes to one of the best schools. I have a luxery car as opposed to a beater that broke down every other day. I have a DH who treats me like a princess and he is a doc. Fibromylgia? Gone as that is a BS diagnosis 85% of the time. DH has never once diagnosed anyone with fibromylgia cuz he has shown me so many articles rebuffing it as a diagnosis. Not that I dont' believe some ppl suffer from it. The point is that when you are down and depressed you DO have phys. symtoms...thus the backaches and fibromylgia I had. You just need to find the strength to change whatever it is that is bothering you. You say you don't know, but I bet you do. Inside you know soemthing is wrong soemwhere and are just afraid to say it. Well there is a chance you are just 100% chemical inbalance, which drugs should help. But I speak only from my experiences. I felt as though I was hearing myself speak when I was reading your post. I am now a happy and healthy funcitoning member of society and can't believe how much I used to go thru. Counseling may help you, for me I was in such denial that it didnt' help at all. Sometimes it all seems overwhelming but take one little step at a time. Change just one little part of your routine. Open your mind to differnt experiences. Join a club or a gym or a class. meet different ppl. And take a deep breath and put yourself out there for those new ppl you meet. Don't feel as if they dont' liek you or that they wont' get along with someone your age!!! When I was 24 my very best friend was 43 and my other dear friend was 37. You are certanly not old and hoepfully if you can get a good girlfriend to talk to and do things with you can get out of your funk.
  #7  
Unread 03-23-2005, 07:39 AM
Emotional wreck

Awww Kat
I know how you feel YOU ARE NOT ALONE. My dr took me off of my estrogen and I felt the same way, crying uncontrolabley, horrible mood swings. I thought about divorcing my husband and quiting my job last week! That's not me at all. I've been on antidepressants for years for chemical embalance. Last week my dr gave me klonopin and thathelps the crying spells. Myhusband understands..... to an extent, but there are some things men will never understand. They think you can just get up wipe the tears and go on as usual and that's not at all the way it is.
I live in pain pretty much everyday, but I'm doing a little better.
It's been so hard to go thru surgical menopause (I'm 25 and feel a lot older than that) Menopause *****! The only reason I can figure that God didn't make men go thru this stuff is becausehe knew they couldn't handle it, gee aren't we women lucky.
This website has been wonderful, all of us are in seperate parts of the country and world, but it feels like they're right here with you.
Even though I'm young, I know how you feel, I've been thru tons of counseling, and was severly depressed a few years ago(meds help that now), I felt so alone and didn't want to make new friends b/c I didn't want to bring anybody down, felt like I was a burden to my friends I did have. I felt completey worthless. The counseling helped and I'll be on meds the rest of my life. when you've got health issues on top of that it can be overwhelming
Please know that you're not alone this is a place to let it all out and talk and get support. You mentioned about your mother and dealing with that alone is hard enough, hopefullyyou and your husband can communicate and he'll see your side. It may be a good idea to get counseling (just my opinion) it helps to talk about everything and get it all out. My mom is my bestfriend and I couldn't imagine losing her, I lost my grandmother 3 years ago and she was also my bestfriend and here lately I miss her so much and cry about her often. But realize that even though your mother is gone she will always be with you.



Please keep us updated on how you're feeling, you are in my parayers sister!

Niki
  #8  
Unread 03-23-2005, 09:18 AM
Emotional wreck

You know, your BP medications (especially if they are beta blockers, such as atenolol) can also have psychologic effects, and can cause cross-effects with the Lexapro. Then you combine all that with Xanax and sleeping aids -- a chemical "soup" that may not help your mood!

Any time you take antidepressants, it's always a good idea to be working, however briefly, with a counselor for yourself. But I would also speak with the doctor(s) who have prescribed all these things for you -- they may be working at cross-purposes to each other and causing much of your current moods! The process of chaning "all" your meds over may also be causing more problems, as some of the anti-depressants create some withdrawal symptoms as well (it doesn't sound like this was explained to you).

The best way, if at all possible, is to deal with one change, slowly at a time -- is this an option for you? Then you'll know just how much of your mood is the medication "talking" -- and have some sense that things WILL get better, with the ideal combination for YOU.



Audrey
  #9  
Unread 03-23-2005, 09:49 AM
Emotional wreck

I had the same thought as (((Audrey))) that perhaps the mix of meds is just all wrong. I have been thru depression and ran a full range of negative emotions ... from just wanting out of life, to wanting out of my marriage.

Luckily the Zoloft got it under control ... having said that its taken some tweaking of the dose to get me straight. I am so glad I gave this med a try ... it gave me back "me".

Depression is from a chemical imbalance. You just need your chemicals rebalanced and if there are underlying issues, perhaps therapy would help. For me the med was enough to get me in a place where I could straighten myself out from there.

My hubby also reacts VERY negatively to the idea of therapy. He is so scared that he's responsible for my stress that it scares him to death that if I "discovered" that is what it is I might be tempted to get rid of the problem. (good ole Catholic guilt).

Your DH may be having similar thoughts. In my case chronic cyclical PAIN is the culprit, not DH. Sure he's not perfect but he is close enough to perfect for me.

No one would choose this Road and sometimes we need chemical help to overcome the stress of it all. Frank talks with your doctor about what is working for you and what is not are of upmost importance. I urge you to make an appointment and let your doctor know how you feel.

Take care and do let us know what we can do to help!!!

  #10  
Unread 03-23-2005, 06:35 PM
Emotional wreck

Thanks everyone..for your feed back...I do feel better to hear Im not alone in this particular journey....I don't think I can get my dh to agree to councling in my case...although I sure think that could help. I have just survived so much and had lots of trauma in the last few yrs...like I said my mom dying unexpected, my brother ended up in homeless shelter due to drugs and alcohol ( he is 43). my mother in law fell and broke her hip, and my father in law had a severe heart attack and needed surg just two wks before my TAH/BSO, which for me, ended up with severe I( I had a fisula)(complications...probably all the stress before hand. I really am trying to find a councelor...who doesnt charge all the much...our insurance wont cover it...and my dh would have a fit, after paying for a hosp. stay for me ..to get my act together...woo pie! I think too the med "soup" doesnt help either...going from lexapro to effexor and xanax, plus bp pills and Hrt...although I cant seem to get him to realise that...I feel really helpless. I m a survivor, and have a survivors mentality...nothing more and nothing less...not happy nor too sad, just going on with life with little enjoyment nor feelings...I really do care about others who have had fistulas, and what they went through. And wish to help them back to health too. well, gettin tired here...and wish to hope you have a wonderful day and visit quialliy for love you all girls...van gogh's kat.... ps my husban is totally again my going to local drs councellor)offic...( the pyshocologist, the Md and th Eye DR....bye for mno...let me know how it goes for you...thanks again everyone..I love up
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