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what do I say to people and how do I deal with this emotionally? what do I say to people and how do I deal with this emotionally?

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Unread 02-06-2001, 04:25 PM
what do I say to people and how do I deal with this emotionally?

Ever since my adhesion surgery my co-workers, friends and family have all been asking the same question over and over again....."are you better" "is that it finally" "is that the end of all these surgerys?".......and I'm still experiencing pain, so it's very difficult for me to answer and I feel like they are telling me I"m some sort of medical freak or failure that I can't be healed :hair:

I know I'm still healing and am very hopefull that in a few short weeks I will feel like new but it's been two weeks and the pain is starting to come back..what is a good answer for these people and how do I keep from freaking out

I haven't been talking to anyone about this because I for one can't believe that I"m still not better yet
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Unread 02-06-2001, 05:25 PM
what do I say to people and how do I deal with this emotionally?

I would just perhaps say "only time will tell, you are still recovering from the op" . It does not matter what anybody else thinks, it is how YOU are feeling that matters. I wouldn't worry about what others are thinking about how YOU are feeling. I know it is easier send than done, but try not to dwell on the negative and TRY to think positively. As I said I know that's not always easy, but do try.

I'll keep you in my prayers that soon you will be pain free.
Hugs :-)
Unread 02-06-2001, 07:59 PM

You replyed to a post of mine a while back and I was so touched when you said I could share your daughter. (Never had a daughter) I've been watching your posts since. I'm so sorry you are haveing such a rough time. I had my gall bladder removed in February of 2000. It was a piece of cake. I thought I'd just cruise through the Hyst. too. Not so; I had another surgery in Dec. to repair a huge incisional hernia. I'm now 6 weeks Post op from my third surgery in a year. I kinda know how you feel. I am SO-O-O determined to be well again!!! I don't want to admit that I still have a lot of pain on my lower left side of my stomache. I think it could be another hernia but the Doctor thought the pain was caused by "nerve damage" from the hernia. (I had to run around with this HUGE hernia for about 9 weeks! Ouch!) When people wonder if this is over yet I tell them "I HOPE SO!!!" I'll be praying for you Gidge! We need the sun to shine and to be able to get out and enjoy the Spring pretty soon! I can't wait for Spring. To me it will mean "New Beginnings" ! Right!!! You just HAVE to get better. It will probably be the same recovery at least as the Hysterectomy was because the adhesiology was sure to be pretty invasive and you were already tender from your other surgery. Right? It might even take longer, but keep telling yourself you're getting better. Remember at 2 weeks your anesthesia could be wearing off and you could experience a bit more pain because of that! Love and Hugs! Becky
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Unread 02-06-2001, 08:41 PM

They can say the dumbest things at the most inopportune times. I've fought this my entire life! The snyde comments, the nasty second hand conversations, and a great lack of compassion can cause a serious depression on top of a serious disease. When I was 20 years old I would faint and be out sometimes for more than 48 hours because of the pain. I had coworkers who witnessed it. It was those same coworkers who called me "weak", "slight", "undependable", "slacker" and all sorts of other unsavory labels. I actually had an HR representative tell me that I "should have married a rich man, had lots of babies, so" I could've stayed home instead of working because I was so "unable" to do the job. I was there every day I could be. I was there many days fighting back tears at my desk. It was then that this southern bell grew fangs. From then on, I NEVER took any guff off anyone. One snyde comment and I countered. One inuendo about whether or not I was "out partying" or at the doctor and I whipped out an excuse. I documented everything, from conversations to appointments. That in itself was empowering. If it's necessary, be a brute. Sometimes the only way to counter a brute is with brutish acts. If someone says, "Is that it? Is it over yet?", say, "Hell if I know. If you're so concerned, become a research scientist and cure this ****ed disease". If someone says, "Is that if finally" say, "Well, I hope so, but probably not. Just like cancer, this conditions seems to(as in the case of endo or adhesions) go into remission. It could be over, and praise the Lord if it is. But if it's not, perhaps you can offer me some help rather than sugar coated criticism. Let's just call a spade a spade. You're frustrated. Well, hell, so am I. But if you can step out of your selfish state for a moment you would realize that I am suffering here. So, if you really don't have concern, but contempt for me...shut up."

Can you tell you hit a nerve?

People will kick you when you're down. It's just that way. But only if you let them. I know many folks say you should let it "roll off your back" -- but make no mistake - people who make snyde, unkind comments are little murderers meant to destroy your confidence, momentum, and mental health whether they intend to do it or not. And being a *****, can be quite theraputic.
Unread 02-07-2001, 05:51 AM
what do I say to people and how do I deal with this emotionally?


WOW......I wish I was that quick with the tongue when someone hits a nerve with me Those are GREAT comebacks, I think I will have to memorize those
Unread 02-07-2001, 09:45 AM
what do I say to people and how do I deal with this emotionally?

Adrite, you made me laugh out loud thank you so much for your refreshing point of view, and you are EXACTLY right.......I have to print this one so I remember it

Thanks also to everyone else who responded, I know I have to keep my chin up and hope for the best but every twinge has me worried at this point......

I see the gyn for my follow up this afternoon at which point I will know more, ie pathology, operative report etc. also I will find out if she wants to order those yucky bowel tests still I know that I still have the great big pain just before a BM so I guess it's a good plan.

I will post and let you know what she says.

I talked to the pelvic physiotherapist last night and she says that I fall into every one of the criteria for the treatment BUT she charges $100 per visit and then $100 for the "probe" they use for the biofeedback and she said it would be a minimum of 5 visits in a one month period ($500-$600) so it's out financially for me, I will ask my gyn if she can get me in somewhere where it's covered by medical.......it will be a long wait but this therapist said I should wait at least 6wks before starting anyway.

Thanks again girls for your support I truly truly don't know what I would do without you.....it's almost been a year and you have all been my rock, thank you from the bottom of my heart
Unread 02-07-2001, 02:45 PM
what do I say to people and how do I deal with this emotionally?


I am so glad that you got a laugh out today and I hope you find out everything you need to know at your appointment this afternoon.

I went through a test on my bowel after my adhesion surgery in Dec. and it came back ok, It was a Barium Enama (SP?) test...I don't wish that on anyone but I hope all goes well. I still have pain right before and during a BM but I am so TIRED of things I don't even want to bother with things anymore!!!
Take care and keep us posted....Cindy
Unread 02-07-2001, 05:18 PM
what do I say to people and how do I deal with this emotionally?

Hugs Gidge

I know how you feel my first adhesion surgery i prayed so hard would be it but it wasn't. That doesn't mean you are not rid of them but you really have to give your self more time to heal any surgery is major surgery. I know its hard and you just want to be pain free but sweetie please give your self more time. Big healing hugs

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