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What do you tell people when . . . What do you tell people when . . .

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  #1  
Unread 03-31-2005, 07:14 AM
What do you tell people when . . .

they ask you about your fertility - as in my case - 38 with no kids and I get asked all the time by aquaintances - do you have children?

I was reading another post (on the Aching Hearts board) which asked why there isn't research going on for firboids, uterine cancer etc. like there is with breast cancer or HIV. I know from my seven year experience working in cancer research that the projects which get lots of funding are those with the loudest voices - i.e. people telling others about the problem.

So I wondered if we don't speak up enough - do you tell people about your surgery and the issues that caused you to have the surgery?

Because of my current job I am meeting new people all the time, and we do alot of smoozing (small talk) and since I work with three mothers the subject of children always comes up - I get asked constantly - Do I have children? - when I answer - NO - I always get a comment like - well you have time (I look much younger than 38) or why are you waiting? - at this point I am at the crossroads of bringing up my surgery and cancer or just blowing off the response - I've started telling people about my surgery and why I had to have it - it does make some people uncomfortable and sometimes they say things like - you can always adopt - but I just have this strong feeling like people should know who has this surgery and why.

It wasn't until I was diagnosed and had the surgery that people started coming out of the woodwork who had had problems and a hyster - and some of these people I had known for ages, but never knew about their hyster - so it seems like it's a big secret.

Anyway - basically I want to know what other people do and how you feel about speaking up - should their be more research on the problems that made us have our hysters? Should we as hystersisters become a loud voice or the sweaking wheel (like the breast cancer advocates and HIV advocates) to force more research?

Thanks and HUGS to you all!
Cat
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  #2  
Unread 03-31-2005, 08:16 AM
What do you tell people when . . .

I am in your boat girl!

I am 41, no children, and everyone under the sun has a comment for me. I am not afraid to speak about what happened to me. If people ask- I will answer. If that makes them uncomfortable then maybe next time they won't be so quick to ask someone again.

I cannot understand why people need to be so private about things. How will anyone learn or be able to help anyone if we all keep secrets about everything that happens to us.

This does not mean I like my buisness on the front page. But people who are a part of my everyday life have a right to know whats going on with me. They have a lot of comfort and support that I enjoy.

Am I happy about explaining how I could never get pregnant- NO
But my being able to verbalize it and hear other peoples trials and triumphs has been healthy for me. It keeps me humble. Life is what makes us who we are, and I'm proud of who I am.

I think we all should speak.
  #3  
Unread 03-31-2005, 09:49 AM
What do you tell people when . . .

Hi Cat!

Hey! You and I live in the same town!

As far as your question -- I'm a bit older than you (45 and look at least that old!) and have 2 DS's already so I don't expect too many questions about fertility.

However as far as speaking up -- once I got over the initial shock of finding out I had cervical cancer and needed the hyst, I've been telling everyone what is happening to me because I want to make sure all women remember to get their Pap's done. I remind the women and remind the men to remind the women in their lives. I didn't have any symptoms so the Pap was, in my opinion, my lifesaver! While the subject may not be considered proper for "polite company" -- why not??? It's important!

So yes I agree -- we do need to be open about these things so others can learn and more research can be done -- whatever the cause.

Nancy-Anne
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  #4  
Unread 03-31-2005, 11:15 AM
What do you tell people when . . .

I'm 44, divorced yrs ago but have been in a constant relationship for over 15 yrs now. And I keep getting asked why #1 we don't get married and #2 " no kids?"

So I guess I've had my fill of people being nosey or maybe I just over-react to their being idiots...BUT

I either do one of 3 things.

#1 I tell them the exact truth of why I had to have the hysto...I mean every gruesome detail, I leave out nothing!!!.

#2 I make up some wild outlandish tale like " I fell off an cliff in the Amazon and had to have surgery"

#3 Start asking very personal questions to the person asking me. Answer a question with a question.

Either route I take..it's always entertaining for me.
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