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Jess's baby girl Jess's baby girl

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  #1  
Unread 09-29-2004, 12:05 PM
need prayers........diffiult decision

My Dear Sisters,

i am almost 4 yrs post-hyst, but i still find myself coming here whenever i need support and prayer.

i am going through a very trying situation in my home right now and am in desperate need of support, advice and prayers. i found about a week ago that my 17 yr. old daughter is pregnant. she's by baby and i want so much for her. i want her future to be bright. and all indications said that we were on the same wavelength. jessi has always talked of going to college and a career. in fact, her volleyball coach has been working really hard to get her an athletic scholarship. she never seemed interested in having children right away. so i was truly surprised when she informed me that she wanted to have this baby.

i love my daughter with everything that i am and i only want what's best for her. and i feel that it would not be a good thing for her to have a child when she's so young, still a child herself. i see her making choices that may come back to haunt her in the future. i want so much more for her than i have for myself.

our insurance won't cover her pregnancy care so the doctor's visits and hospital care would be out-of-pocket. and i know we can't afford it. i have tried explaining this to her. but she won't be deterred. i would like for her to terminate her pregnancy and have expressed my views to her. and she'll do it, if i tell her to. the thing is i really don't want her to do something she really doesn't want to.

i really don't know what to do. so i decided to put it in the hands of the Lord and let Him tell us what to do. please pray for us that we get through this and make the right decision.


thanks, jene
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  #2  
Unread 09-29-2004, 02:42 PM
Jess's baby girl

I think you are very wise to ask God to lead you in His will.
There is another option you have not mentioned which is adoption. I am a mother of two children who joined our family
through adoption. You will never know how extremely grateful
I am that my now young adult children were not aborted.
There are many couples crying to God for children and would
welcome this baby into their family with open arms.
If your daughter wishes to rear this child herself, I have
a friend whose daughter was very young when she became
pregnant and is rearing her daughter who is now in middle school.
She is still a single parent, but the grandparents (my friend)
are very involved with this child babysitting often while the
mom works. This single mom went to community college to
become a nurses aide, then an LPN, and now she is an RN.
Her next step will be to get her Bachelor's degree in nursing.
The grandparents helped tremendously watching the child
while the mom worked and went to school. This is a tough
way of doing it, but it is possible to rear a child and go
to college with some help. I know how it hurts so badly
when your dreams for your child are shattered. There is a plaque I have from Successories that says, " A bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you fail to make the turn."
I will definitely pray for your daughter to follow God's will
for this baby.
  #3  
Unread 09-29-2004, 03:13 PM
Jess's baby girl

Prayer for you and your daughter my daughter is Jess as well she is 19
I think this might help I just woke up and first email I opened was from a friend with these words
>> > >God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without
>> > >sorrow,sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the
>>day,
>>comfort
>> > >for
>> > >the tears, and light for the way.
>> > >Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...
>> > >If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

I know somethings are a challenge , I had my daughter at 18 and son at 21 then endo developed and battled until TAH/BSO 9/10/04
so it was a blessing in disguise!!!

s Wendygai
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  #4  
Unread 09-29-2004, 03:47 PM
Jess's baby girl

jene,

My prayers are with you. I know what you are going through as my DD is 18 and pregnant.

I, too, was emotional and had many concerns about the situation. Fortunately, my DD is now engaged to the baby's father. They were planning on a life together anyway, not just so soon.

DD has put her college education on hold for a year or two, but knows the importance of getting it.

As far as insurance and financial help, check with your county health department and see if she qualifies for any state assistance.

I was very emotional and upset about my DD until one day as I was telling a friend about the "mistake", she got tears in her eyes and told me how she would love to have grandchildren and that this was not a "mistake", but an unplanned blessing from God.

And that is exactly how I think of it now.
  #5  
Unread 09-29-2004, 03:58 PM
Jess's baby girl

Jene,
I am praying for you in this difficult situation.

I have seen so many people devestated emotionally by abortion. Please consider adoption. As an adopted child myself, I feel that would be the most loving and wise thing for everyone. Maybe talk to your health care specialists and find out about a private adoption where the future adoptive parents pay the medical bills. God bless you!

  #6  
Unread 09-29-2004, 04:22 PM
Jess's baby girl

~Jene~

I have a 17 year old daughter myself and I can only imagine what you and your family are going through. Terminating a pregnancy is such a difficult decision to make and I don't envy you. Adoption isn't always an easy decision but a wonderful option. I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers that God will lead you down the right path during this difficult time. God Bless you and your daughter.

Deb
  #7  
Unread 09-30-2004, 06:33 AM
Jess's baby girl

My Dear Sisters,

thank you all so, so much for your advice and especially for your prayers. this is such a hard thing to do, a hard thing to even consider. i just want so much more for Jess out of life....so much more than i ever had for myself because i do love her with all my heart. i am so afraid that if she has this child she will never make it to college. i know there are no guarantees in anything. but i do know how difficult it is to make it through high school and college with a child to care for. and although to do so isn't impossible, it can be improbable.

i hadn't thought of adoption, but that is something to be considered. i know there are plenty of people wanting to adopt. the thing is, i'm not sure if Jess would be willing to give her child up to someone else.

i had thought of seeking public assistance for her to aid in the financial part of it should it come to that point. the only thing i worry about is if she would be able to continue seeing her current ob/gyn. he is such a wonderful and caring doctor. i wouldn't want her to see anyone else because i know she would receive the best care possible with him.

please, please continue your prayers for us. no final determination has been reached yet. this is why i want prayer, so that i know our decision will be the right one. i have to leave it in God's hands because i honestly don't know what to do. but i know that He will lead me down the right path. some how He will get us through this.

hugs, jene
  #8  
Unread 09-30-2004, 07:32 AM
Jess's baby girl

Jene, My heart and prayers go out to you and your DD. I was a 17 when I became pregnant with my 1st son. I had him when I turned 18.
My parents felt as you do and tried to get me to get an abortion or put my son up. It was very devastating to me to think that no one loved my unborn child or cared. (I know now that they did love me and were as concerned and scared and scared as you are but it didnt seem like it at the time)
I was already scared and concerned and this only added more worry and frustration on me.
Everyone was worried that I would ruin my life, that I was to young to care for him. That I would never be able to do anything with my life if I kept him. That I would fail as a mother and not be able to handle it.

Well in the end the choice was mine and I decided to keep him. I was always told you are responsible for your actions good or bad. I'm not saying having him was a bad thing. But I created my situation and it was my responsibility to love and take care of him and be the best person and mom I could be.
With the help of state aide his medical bills, were covered ( I was a military brat so I had coverage for myself but not the pregnancy or him till I was 21) So that was one less worry for my family. I did finish school but did not go to college right away. I waited a few years.
I wont say it was always easy for me. I had some hard times but I had my family to support my decision and help me with child care and mental support. His father offered very little assistance or care for him.
My DS is now 21 years old and a loving caring person. I cannot imagine what my life would have been like without him in it. I am glad I kept him and do not ever regret my decision.

Please do not pressure your daughter into making a choice she will regret. I know you love her and are scared for her and want what is best for her but she has to make the choice from her own mind and heart. She will do what feels right for her and her unborn child.
Be there to listen and comfort her and support what ever she decides to do. And yes God will guide her in that.
Good luck and God Bless you both in your time of need and guide you both in making the tough choices that lie a head.
  #9  
Unread 09-30-2004, 07:47 AM
Jess's baby girl

I am wondering if your daughter might consider some professional
counseling in discussing her options. If you are involved with
a church, perhaps from your minister/priest or perhaps from a
social worker from an adoption agency. At our private religioius adoption agency, our social worker had a Master's degree in social work, and all options were thoroughly discussed including his birth mother keeping our son. This should be free counseling
from these sources, and a professional counselor would help
your daughter explore the different options, and then feel
confident in her final decision. My prayers are with you and your daughter. It really is her decision now.
  #10  
Unread 10-01-2004, 06:51 AM
Jess's baby girl

ladies,

i have read and re-read your posts. you all have no idea how much this means to me. you have been more help than you will ever know. going through this is so heart wrenching. it's hard to describe all the things that are going through my head. i haven't been able to sleep or eat very well since learning of Jess's pregnancy. and i seem to be crying constantly. i don't know if the tears are for me or her.......who knows maybe they are just hormonal.

locki, i have considered counseling. and am looking for the right person to talk to. it would probably help tremendously. the thing is our decision will have to be made soon. i have taken Jessi to the doctor and he said termination has to be done within the first trimester. Jessi is 6-7 weeks already. she is actually scheduled to have a nurse's visit on monday and her first doctor's visit on friday (of next week). btw, i only learned of her pregnancy a week ago. and her boyfriend was with her when she broke the news.

freespirit, are you sure you haven't been eavsedropping in my house.... you've described the situation perfectly. it's almost like you were here. the reasons you mentioned are the same things i have been telling Jess, the reasons she may not be ready to be a mother. but after reading your post i sort of feel like the "evil stepmother". am i playing the role of the bad guy? for some reason it didn't dawn on me until yesterday what this all means. there was one aspect of it that hadn't exactly hit me. it was like suddenly a came on. this is my grandchild we are talking about here. i don't know why it never hit me before but, it did yesterday........like a bolt of lightening. i have got a great deal more to think about and to pray about.

please continue your prayers....
jene
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