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Jess's baby girl Jess's baby girl

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  #11  
Unread 10-01-2004, 06:51 AM
Jess's baby girl

Jene, I know this is devastating for you. My friend, the grandmother, felt the very same way you are feeling. Her
husband, the grandfather, immediately accepted the fact and
was totally supportive. In the end, these grandparents have always been very involved in this little girl's life, and they absolutely adore their granddaughter. She is a very smart
and beautiful girl.
Counseling can be very helpful so that your daughter clearly
understands all of her options, ramifications, and will then make
a sound decision. Jene, if your daughter feels you forced her
one way or another against her will, in years to come she very
well could resent you and blame you. This is her decision, and
ultimately, she is one who will need to live with the consequences.
I am praying for you and your daughter. I hope that years to come, your daughter will be very appreciative of your love
and support.
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  #12  
Unread 10-01-2004, 08:44 AM
Jess's baby girl

~jene~

I have been thinking about you and your daughter all week. I just wanted to let you know that you are, and still will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Deb
  #13  
Unread 10-01-2004, 11:50 AM
A couple of suggestions:

First of all, many school districts have programs for pregnant teens that include childcare, parenting information, and support. They often also have social workers who'd be able to help your DD navigate the financial aspect of it; she may qualify for some version of Healthy Families for herself and her child. Many young women HAVE gone on to college, etc, particularly when they come from a supportive environment such as yours.

Also, since the young man involved came to you with your daughter -- what do his parents think of all this? Are they able to help in some way, or interested in helping? You could potentially have a formidable team on this baby's side -- being raised in a family surrounded by love is hardly the worst way to grow up .

Yes, I know this is excruciating for you. Your lives will all change, irrevocably. But for your DD to terminate her pregnancy, when she doesn't want to, can lead only to regrets, recriminations, and a divide between you that will be lifelong. If she chooses termination, that's her choice. But if she wants to have this baby, and raise this baby, then having the support of you and your family will make a huge difference in ALL their lives.

Do check into the special school programs for pregnant teens. In our school district (Los Angeles Unified -- lots of pregnant teens here!) even college-bound teens are able to do the coursework that they need. Sometimes it's a combination of home study -- but there's always a way. Volleyball doesn't even have to be given up forever, although your DD may have to sit out a year.

If she's as level-headed and intelligent as she sounds, and her choice is clear to her, somehow it will work. When they say, "it takes a village to raise a child," it's especially true for those children of very young parents. But you sound like you have a supportive environment, and emotional resources, and those are huge advantages to your entire family.

BTW, I am not against termination of pregnancy; I had to do it when I was unexpectedly pregnant during a severe illness (birth control failed ). It was the right decision, painful though it was, at the time; I could not have sustained a pregnancy or raised a child sick as I was.

But if to have this baby is what your DD and her partner want, well, it's her body. The hardest part of parenting, I think, is to sit back and let our intelligent (but young! and inexperienced!) children make their own life choices -- and take the responsibility for their own actions.

I hope G-d guides you all to a decision that is right for her, her partner, and their baby.

to all,

Audrey
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  #14  
Unread 10-02-2004, 08:02 AM
Jess's baby girl

thank you all so much for your responses and your replys.
coming here and sharing with you ladies has made this so much easier.

don't get me wrong, things are still 'uneasy' around here but they have gotten better. i spoke with the business office where my ob/gyn works yesterday. and because i insurance won't pay, she won't be able to see him if she goes through with the pregnancy. the lady was nice about the whole thing, explaining things clearly. and going so far as to start to paperwork for her to get assistance. even if she gets state assistance she won't be able to see him because the "big wigs" won't allow it. so our choices of doctors are very, very limited. in fact i think there is only one doc in our area that will see her. and he would be about the last one on a list of a hundred that i would want her to see. our only alternative is to travel 50-60 miles to find a different doc. i told Jess this and she was as disappointed as i was. i am going to talk to her partners parents today. and between all of us we will see what our next course of action will be.

this all seems so unreal to me sometimes. it's hard to believe it's happening but, it is. please continue your prayers. and thanks so much for being there for me.

hugs, jene
  #15  
Unread 10-03-2004, 05:00 AM
Jess's baby girl

Jene, no I wasnt in the room but wish I could have been for support for you and DD and to speak to her. You both have a long road ahead of you. Hopefully it will be a smooth one with not to many bumps along the way. I have been down that road before and it can be scarey alone. As long as you have one another it will be easier.

As far as assistance for your DD, Im not sure what your state offers but here are a few things to check on.

Most United Ways have an information and referral dept that can guide you to assisstance.

Here we have a low income/ free clinic through the hospital for expecting mothers. Based on income.
See if you have a Planned Parenthood clinic. They can assist her in many ways, counsling and after wards free reduced birth control.

State aide has its own offices where you go to sign up for assistance and can give you which doctors who take the medical card.
Also check on WIC they can offer her assistance as well through her pregnancy.

You and your DD are in my thoughts and prayers. I know that God will guide you in this time of need and in making the right decisions.

I hope some of this information will be of some help.
God bless and best wishes
  #16  
Unread 10-04-2004, 09:52 PM
Jess's baby girl

hi ladies,

well, it looks like we are (or Jessi) having a baby. jessica has told me that she thinks she wants to have the baby. i'm not sure how i feel about her decision. i still feel that she is too young to be "starting a family". but if it's what she wants, i will have to accept it. i have told her it's going to be hard. and her life will never be the same. she's taking on a great deal of responsibility.

i picked up some paperwork from my/her doctor's office today. it's the first step in trying to get her on some sort of assistance. the thing is, i'm not sure what the next step is. i'll have to ask around to find out what we do next.

i think this is going to be a difficult pregnancy for her. she is about 6-7 weeks, she's having trouble already. i had to take her to the ER this afternoon after i got off work. she was having some cramping and a little bit of a discharge. they checked her out.....everything's okay. her back bothers her a lot. she just looks so tired and miserable. i hate seeing my baby this way. i wish i could make it easier for her. i'm really worried because she is without a doctor right now. and i don't know how long it's going to take to get her on assistance and into see a doctor.

please keep us in your prayers.....

jene
  #17  
Unread 10-04-2004, 10:21 PM
Jess's baby girl

(((Jene))):

Is there a community clinic system in your city? They often will help people who haven't quite gotten their assistance organized yet. Planned Parenthood can also help. Some anti-abortion groups also will help women who are trying to keep their pregnancies.

My step-son's mom told me, when I was in my early pregnancy with my DD, that the first trimester was like running a marathon. You're building the placenta and the whole circulation during that time, and it's exhausting! Cramping can also be the early stages of the uterus growing and stretching to accomodate growth.

I hope she is taking care of herself, with diet and vitamins (especially folic acid) during this all-important time. What does the young man's family have to say? Will they be involved, or able to help with financial issues?

She will continue to be in my thoughts, as you are.


Audrey
  #18  
Unread 10-05-2004, 07:48 AM
Jess's baby girl

Jene,

Just a note to let you know you're still in my thoughts and prayers.

My DD is at 29 weeks. The time has flown so fast. It's hard to see our teenage DD's become parents, but with our help and support, they'll be fine.

This has not been an easy pregnancy for my DD either. She has been dehydrated twice - once resulted in a hospital stay and the other daily trips to the doctor to get IV's. The dr. says it's just the baby taking nutrients from her. But, they are both healthy and doing fine.

Be patient with the paperwork. It will all come together.
  #19  
Unread 10-05-2004, 11:09 AM
Jess's baby girl

Jene, my prayers are with you and your daughter. I just can't help but wonder if there is a social worker somewhere near you who can help you both through all of the paperwork and
planning. It would be a little easier with an expert guiding
you.
There are pregnancy hotlines you can find on google.
Through the Texas department of health, there is an
800 number where perhaps they can guide you to a maternity
clinic near you that would accept medicaid. The
no. is 1-800-422-2956.
I will continue my prayers for all of you.
  #20  
Unread 10-07-2004, 05:15 AM
Jess's baby girl

hi ladies,

i am trying to get use to the idea of becoming a grandmother. and the idea of my daughter becoming a mother. it's so hard to let them grow up, to let go. i have always told my children that they have a right to their own opinions, that it's ok to disagree with someone. i have told them to make their own choices based on their own beliefs and what they felt in their hearts. i guess that's what Jessi is doing now........listening to what i always told her.

i love her so much. and have never wanted what was best for her. i think this is going to be a difficult road for all of us. the young man is going to be involved with the pregnancy, as will the rest of his family. we all know it's not going to be easy for them. he's only 18. he does have a decent job......a lot better than flipping burgers at McDonald's anyway. he has agreed to help pay for out of pocket expenses. he said it wouldn't be fair to ask us to pay for everything.

thanks for the phone number locki. i need all the help i can get.

i know i have already said this several times but i must say it again. i am so glad that you all have been here to help me through this. i don't know what i would have done without you. this site is a blessing in so many ways. thanks so much for your support, your advice and your prayers.

jene
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