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I am i being selfish? I am i being selfish?

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Unread 04-02-2005, 10:15 AM
I am i being selfish?

Hi all once again i come to my sisters for advice . This has been a busy week in my home. My dear brother in law moved in without notice. i was so upset i wasnt even asked if it was ok. He left his wife on monday and they was divorced by thursday talk about speedy. my surgery is in 12 days and im a wreck. Making sure my own are taken care of is enough. Iam i bein selfish i wanted this time for and DH but hes seem preoccupied with other things. If it was at any other time i dont thinki would have had a problem,but if i want to runaround the house in my pjs now i cant . He said he was only going to be here a month. Ami crazy for feeling this way i told DH i was upset and he blew me off and got angry. THere are other siblings that live close and so does dmill{dear mother in law} she has no kids at home it make things bad if i tell him i dont want him here it would be a war. Please help...........
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Unread 04-02-2005, 10:36 AM
I am i being selfish?

No, you certainly are not being selfish. Quite frankly, if it were me, both dh and bil would be moving in with mil if they pulled that stunt with me. Guess I'm crankier than you!

If it's in you to do it, I think you should calmly and firmly tell your dh that you are about to undergo major surgery, and bil will have to go. Don't make it a request, just say that's the way it is. It's not like you have to throw him out on the street, he has other viable options.

Good luck.

Unread 04-02-2005, 10:41 AM
I am i being selfish?

You are not being selfish. You are trying to prepare yourself for surgery. May be if you sit your husband down and explain the reason you are feeling uncomfortable now, he will be more receptive. You can not assume your husband knows what you are thinking or feeling. Sometimes we just have to really spell things out for them.
Do not stop what you are doing to prepare for surgery. Explain to brother in-law he is on his own, and if he has to stay he needs to understand your focus is going to be in preparing yourself and your family for your upcoming surgery. He may want to leave voluntarily once you explain your situation.
Good luck and try to keep your head up. My surgery is on Monday and the waiting period can be a real roller coaster ride.

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Unread 04-02-2005, 11:03 AM
I am i being selfish?

You are certainly not being selfish! You need to focus on you and everyone else has to take a back seat.I know myself,I wouldn't be able to ask him to leave but...I would make it very clear to him and DH that after surgery they are completely on their own that you will be expecting them to take care of you! Laundry,housework and cooking and anything else that comes up!
Good luck with your surgery and don't let anything stop you from being a "Princess".It meant everything in my recovery.
Unread 04-02-2005, 11:22 AM
you are not being selfish....

you deserve much praise....for handling your situation as it is. interesting that your brother in-law is picking your familys' home to reside in at this moment.
since he is in the home......he most certainly needs to be helping you along w/ everyone in your family.
i noticed you said you can't run around in your pj's, but if you had lounging clothes.....like pj's...why not wear those.
i had to be creative and make my pajamas suitable for in the house, in the back yard and in case someone dropped by, over the years.
i hate not being able to wear my most comfortable clothes when i am at home. so i just had to get creative.
your private / quiet time is necessary, when you can get it.
so, hope your husband understands your needs as the surgery gets closer. maybe he is feeling afraid to some point, otherwise why would he seem so insistant that his brother stay in the same home? especially if there are other family members available to stay with.
funny how the men in our lives behave on the outside, when they love us so much...that they creat havoc and confusion.
wishing you the best. mecelena
Unread 04-02-2005, 12:17 PM

Thanks so much for the replies this family is very complicated . ive been marreid to DH for 2yrs still dont understand it all. {not sure i want to at this point}. I just want to sit and cry , its hard trying to keep a straight face. I made plans with my childerens dad to keep them this weekend so we could have alone time but that was bit when i found out an hour ago that the niece and nephew are comming to spend the night. I feel like i have lost control.

thanh you much for having this site. I think its what keeping sane now ....

Unread 04-02-2005, 01:44 PM
I am i being selfish?

You planned for some alone time. Then just do that. If your husband is not available grab a girlfriend and go to the movies or dinner. If you don't want to call a girlfriend, just go out and do something nice for yourself. I know my husband's family is very strange. He admits that though and knows how I feel about their strained relationships. Fortunately, we are able to keep their madness out of our home. Have you talked to your husband about the brother in law moving in yet? Do you have family you can turn to for support? Good luck.

Unread 04-02-2005, 09:34 PM
I am i being selfish?

MEN!!! Arrgh!!

That's all I have to say.

Also, hang in there.

Unread 04-02-2005, 09:41 PM
I am i being selfish?

selfish - no way!
however he is there now. so mark the date on the calendar 1 month and 1 month only. no excuses put your foot down and make sure he does not over stay his welcome.


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