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Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS

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Unread 04-09-2005, 06:28 PM
Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS

((((Nicole)))) I'm sorry for your loss. Any gatherings are really hard on MA, my 13 (almost 14) yo of an ADHDer son. It means change of habits, being with others and being asked to be on his best behavior... a sure-fire way of ensuring he'll have a melt-down

Change of time is also hard on them, because it's, once again, change to their habits. In fact, any change is hard on them!! I know that my DS will go ballistics when a teacher is sick or when there is a change to the schedule.

In fact, on Thursday, the Sciences teacher decided to change the planned program for the day, because the majority of the kids had forgotten to take along their assignments. MA decided that he didn't have to do the requested work, since they were supposed to do the other thing. I thought that he was upset because he had remembered to take along his assignment. Nope: he didn't have the assignment yet, because he was sick last week!!!! Well, it got from bad to worse and he was asked to leave the classromm and go to the detention. He refused, so they actually got all the other kids out of the room... then, he decided he was going home and got his coat and bags. When I refused to give the ok, he went back to class, with coat and bag, but sat there and did nothing. After his aide ignored him, he finally took off the jacket and put it back in his locker, along with his bag. And he was fine for the rest of the day. I could have wrung his neck for all the grief and worries he caused!!!!
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Unread 04-11-2005, 08:48 AM
Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS

This post has been wonderful for me, I just have to tell you all.

I was mistaken about Cole's meltdown on Friday evening. It didn't happen. Instead, he blew apart yesterday in the middle of Wal Mart. Naturally, all I had in my basket at the time: fungus killer for the garden, a Sunday paper, 1 pound of deli meat and a head of lettuce. Add those items to the quarter bag of goldfish, half a roll of crackers and a loaf of week old bread, and I guess we'll eat like Kings this week!

High point of the weekend: He got to be a CSI agent. Unfortunately, my parent's home was broken in to (second time in a year) and the deputy decided that since Cole was dogging his heels, he might as well put him to work. Donning latex gloves and armed with a blush brush and black powder, the deputy cut him loose. (the criminals had hit 5 other houses and were already in custody.) So Cole got to help and tell the deputy all the things that he KNOWS from watching CSI. I guess I should mention that Cole went around dotting everything with his OWN fingerprints just so he'd have something to lift since the crowbar the criminals used didn't leave much.

He'll have a story for returning to school today.

Dany, I know I should have let him ride out the week last week at school, but I just didn't have the strength. I know that sounds like a cop out, but honestly, we were just exhausted. Oddly enough, he sat at the table (at my work) and did two and a half days of school work, 300 sentences and wrote neatly and correctly for 7 hours. Never heard a peep out of him. The following day, he put together 4 mailings of over 300 pieces each for us. I think he just needed a break and then cut loose yesterday, and he really seemed well put together this morning. I have always told him that detention and ISS were earned for a reason and he had to pay the price, but I swear, I had one eye circling one way and the other circling the other way!

I just keep chanting: 'Six more weeks ....... six more weeks ....... six more weeks .......' !!!

We should all get together with our kids and have an HS/ADHD weekend. Is there a building anywhere padded enough?!
Unread 04-12-2005, 08:13 AM
Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS

I have a better idea - why don't we plan a cruise - and we will let my DH (also ADD) corral the darling children and we can sip drinks with little umbrellas for a couple of days!!!

The unfortunate thing is - the meltdowns still happen. DH is 29 and still has an occasional "fit" in the middle of Walmart.

It's interesting to read your posts - because I am positive that this is a lot of what my DH went through when he was younger. And it helps me to understand where he is now. Helps me to understand when he is at that point where he is about to have one of his "meltdowns". They don't come nearly as often anymore. Especially now that I know what to look for - I can help to difuse the situation before it gets out of hand. The problem comes when he's been working on something for a long time and he's getting frustrated with it...and that can be anything....the bills, a game, his job, etc. His attention span is SO short that if he doesn't get up and move around, then his aggitation levels start to increase. He is not a violent person in any way - but he just "shuts down". As an outsider, it is really unbeliveable to watch. It's like watching a robot short circuit. Some days I just watch for the smoke to come from his ears...

I see a lot of the same tendencies in my 5 year old. I hope, for his sake, that it's more of a maturity thing, and not truly ADD. I asked his Pediatrician about it, and they told me it was way to early to know. I know my son is very intellegent - but he gets extreemly frustrated with things (like DH) - and he looses interest in things very fast. (also like DH) So, I don't know.

Thanks for letting me share! (heeheee! Like I gave you a choice!)

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Unread 04-12-2005, 08:51 AM
Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS

Cortney, I think families like ours are why Wal Mart has benches along the way: up front, in the pharmacy, by the eggs, AND why the aisles are relatively wide.

As for the meltdowns and bad days, I can tell how Cole's day will be within 10 minutes of his waking. When it's really really bad, I break out the bubble bath and plop him in our tub. We have a garden tub that he can scoot around in and flop and slosh till he relaxes a bit. In the earlier years, we filled this gigantic tub (people use them for kids toys, etc.) with brown beans and he'd sit in it and play for a long time. It had something to do with sensory integration. He used to get 'brushed' every couple of hours and as he grew, we graduated to a plastic containter bean box. Oddly, he still enjoys that from time to time. We (wonderful mom enters here) also made several sizes and shapes of bean bags, bean snakes, bean pillows, etc. We bought several types of material with different textures and patterns. It's funny that I'd forgotten that till now. Lighting is a factor with him, as are ceiling fans and patterned floors or carpets. Sometimes it's like watching my own version of Rain Man.

One other interesting note: he used to line up his crayons before he could color: all the reds, all the yellows, blues, etc. according to color. THEN he'd go back sort the individual groups from dark to light. FINALLY he could color. Funny, that he could be so meticuclous in that and yet his room (and usually his own body)are incredibly unkempt.

In the mean time, we'll keep rocking along, marching to our own erratic beat!
Unread 04-12-2005, 12:56 PM
Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS

It's so funny (funny odd - not funny haahaa) that you mention that - the sensory integration. My DS has always been a little uneasy about certain sensations. They have given it a name - and me in all my glory - have forgotten it! But the pediatrician recommended that we see an Occupational Therapist for some assistance. (This was when he was 2-3 yrs old) But we also did the brushing thing. He loved it. Still does. But he has never liked the feeling of grass on his feet - or water on his face. And he doesn't like to have his hands dirty or sticky. He will also line up his cars and crayons - always has. He was a late speaker, and has speech issues...which was reiterated this week when we went to sign him up for Kindergarten - I thought the Speech Lady was going to have carpal tunnel when she was done testing him! then she was trying to be diplomatic about telling us he needed to be in speech class. Yeah, we kinda knew that. He was in speech therapy too - but he was incredibly frustrated with it too. (Imagine that) He does a million times better now than he did even a year or two ago. At least now other people can hear him. The thing that gets me is that he is amazingly intellegent. Blows me away.
Sometimes I wonder if he has a touch of OCD (my DH, too) - does OCD run hand in hand with ADD? I remember vividly when he was smaller - pre talking days, but old enough to communicate. Probably age 2 or so (I told you he was a late talker) and we were at WalMart (imagine that) and we had been looking at shoes and he started having a melt down and I couldn't figure out why. I tried everything. We finally figured it out - well, actually he showed us. We put the wrong shoe back into a box. Does this ring a bell with anybody?

Unread 04-12-2005, 01:16 PM
Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS

Originally posted by anicole

One other interesting note: he used to line up his crayons before he could color: all the reds, all the yellows, blues, etc. according to color. THEN he'd go back sort the individual groups from dark to light. FINALLY he could color. Funny, that he could be so meticuclous in that and yet his room (and usually his own body)are incredibly unkempt.
My DS's psychiatrist said that all ADD or ADHD children have some form of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). He said that it just seems to be one of those things that follow along with it. I know my son has mild forms of it. With him it is his food. You ought to see him put mayo or mustard on bread---it is like it is a work of art..takes forever and it has to be just right. Also his plate--the meat, veggies etc have to be in a specific place and he has to have whatever part of that plate directly in front of him (he moves the plate to the food he is eating) In the morning, he also checks his pockets for his house key about a million times....will pull it out and look at it..mumble something, put it back..3 mins later, he is doing the same thing...this goes on all morning after he is dressed and doesn't stop til he is out the door and on the corner to walk to school...I see him doing it. Sounds like the same with your son and his crayons. Our doc said that they dont' medicate unless it gets out of hand or interferes with daily life....they also tend to get some form of a tic. My son shrugs his shoulders...kind of like when you are trying to pull the neck on your shirt down cause it went too high...I don't know if that made sense or not..LOL...but the tics are not noticable when the medicine is kicking in.
Unread 04-12-2005, 01:47 PM
Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS

Isn't it great -- all the things we've experienced -- that some people never get to experience?

Marianwrn -- the plate thing sounds like me, though I don't turn my plate. I don't care much for my food to touch, but (get this) I love casseroles. Yes, I pick things out one at a time -- lasagna is a kick and I don't like sauce on my spaghetti -- on the side, please!

We've had the whole alphabet soup kicked around from OCD to OD to Aspurger's (sp?) to Autistic Savant. Flipped through bi-polar, borderline-schizophrenic and some other psychotic label. They all overlap with one symptom or another. The OD and ADHD are pretty on target, though the OD has basically gone underground.

Most ADD/ADHDers are brilliant. It's just that by the time it's recognized, their brilliance is overshadowed by an unrealized LD or 'troublemaker' syndrome.

My theory is READ READ READ and WEED WEED WEED. But most of all LOVE LOVE LOVE and send 'em to Grandma's for three or four hours!
Unread 04-12-2005, 03:23 PM
Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS

I missed being able to go on a course re: ADHD kids next tuesday . But on either 5 or 12 May, I'm going on a course called 'challenging behaviour'
I will try and put in a link off the internet, or just post some of the better advice.
Had a bad week last week with both of my DDs. Eldest (10) has ADD and the youngest (9) is waiting to be assessed for some level of learning difficulty.
It was a very hard week, which has left their bedroom looking like a junkyard, and my hair white.
Thank God they went back to school today!
Unread 04-12-2005, 03:54 PM
Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS

You know - I never thought about the food thing....but I like to make "mixed things" for dinner and my son WILL NOT eat them. (ie, beanie weenies, hamburger and macaroni & cheese mix) And he's always been into the textures of different things. I can't get him to eat watermelon or jello - the textures bother him. They said this was part of that other thing..... I can't belive I can't think of what it's called. It's on the tip of my tongue!!! I need to go home and go through my papers!!!

Is ADD hereditary? DS is not hyperactive....so would be more like my DH.....the quiet - reserved "spacey" kind as Dany said she was mistaken for. The more I read - the more I wonder. I have some research to do. And tons of questions. What age did you all have your children tested? I asked about testing when he was about 3, and was told he was too young. But that the pediatrician didn't see anything that led him to believe he had ADD. I don't want him to be medicated.....but I want to Understand - and I want his teachers to understand!!!! - so he can get a proper education!!! I DO NOT want him to go through the same things that my DH had to go through!!! Know what I mean??? (I know you do!!! I'm preaching to the choir!)

Thanks again,
Unread 04-12-2005, 03:57 PM
Out of ideas for my 10 year old ADHD DS

Fran.k, I am all for more info. Hopefully you'll find good information that we can all glean from!

Bless your heart for the rough week! Find some really great bubble bath and soak for an hour!

Cole tries to clean his room, and does pretty well sometimes, but it gets to the point that as long as there are no smelly things or moving and alive blobs, we survive. I generally tell people when they walk through my door that the house is a wreck but it's not contagious. Two full time kids, a third every other weekend, full time job -- if I cleaned in what little time I have, my kids would be in really sad shape. The clutter will be there tomorrow but my kids are growing up too fast. I'll de-clutter when they leave for college!

Here's to a better week for you, Fran.k!

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