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Am I the selfish One? Am I the selfish One?

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Unread 04-28-2005, 10:29 AM
Am I the selfish One?

I have struggled with the decision to have my hysterectomy for
almost 2 years now. I finally made the decision and have booked the surgery for July 8th. This is the culmination of years of infertiliy. I thought I had made peace with my never having children but I still cannot get to the place where I am happy for others. My sister who always said she did not want kids, and keeps saying she does not want any, appears to be "trying". Is it me or is the timing a bit awkward? She could be announcing her pregnancey right about the time that I am saying good bye to my fertility once and for all. I mentioned this to her, and she seems to think I am the selfish one. How do you get to the point where you can be happy for people again? If this is not bad enough she felt the need to share the info about a mutual friend and his wife who are just announcing there pregnancy. I really would prefer not to hear these things, and if people must tell me why do they expect me to feign excitement? Anyway, today is a "feel sorry for myself" day.
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Unread 04-28-2005, 11:53 AM
Am I the selfish One?


This is a difficult time for you and I don't think there will ever be the right timing to avoid the ladies having families and such(sigh). You do have to do what is best for your health. I don't know how long it will take for you to have peace with this. We all handle it in our own way. It is hard to be happy for others joy in having children, but it will always be there year after year. I know for most of us it is a grieving process that we have to go through. It is like any kind of serious loss in our lives, we have to grieve first and then get past it.

Time can be the best healer, staying busy with our lives, and not focusing on the loss or the sadness after what seems to be the initial intense time of grief. We are all different. I wish I had answers that will take all of this away for you.

I wish you peace and comfort with this new change in your life. You are not selfish , just hurting.

Lot's of s

You have to do what is best for you.
Unread 04-28-2005, 01:12 PM
Am I the selfish One?

I do not think you are selfish at all! I have tried getting pregnant for 5 years now and I am finally at the point that I can accept that I will never have a biological child. Yes, it is very difficult coming to that realization, but I know that I have done all that I can and that it just wasn't meant for me to ever be pregnant. However, it does drive me nuts when I hear that someone is pregnant, I get very jealous. I know this jealousy will go away with time. Have you considered adoption? My husband and I decided just the other day that we want to adopt, and actually we are really excited about adopting a child that needs a home. We will go through an agency that lets you adopt newborns, because I at least want to have that experience if I can never be pregnant. As was mentioned by another sister, you must do what is best for your health. I am so excited (and nervous) about having my hysto because I am so ready to be rid of all of my pain. I wish you the best of luck and I know that you will one day be able to accept all of this.
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Unread 04-29-2005, 08:52 PM
Am I the selfish One?

Sweetie, you are most definitely not selfish. Your feelings are completely normal for what you're going through and we can all relate and understand them. Unfortunately, I've learned that people who haven't been through this can't relate. I recently lost a close friendship because she simply couldn't understand why I was "rude" enough to tell her that I just couldn't bear hearing about her pregnancy. But, I 've reached the conclusion that I have to do what I have to do, for my own sanity and peace of mind, just as we all do. I'm sorry, hun.

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