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Asking family/friends not come to hospital Asking family/friends not come to hospital

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  #1  
Unread 02-16-2001, 08:40 PM
Asking family/friends not come to hospital

This may seem like a weird question but.....the morning of my surgery I want my husband there of course and my mom and dad(37 and still like daddy to be there!) - but how do you ask well meaning and very loving family and friends that you do not need everyone there before you go in to surgery.. I love them - appreciate their love and concern but having grandmother, friends, etc. there just gives added pressure and stress for me...before you are ready to go back you don't need to feel like you have to entertain -

Just looking for advice on how to handle this in a way that I do not hurt feelings, etc. -

Thanks,

Terry
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  #2  
Unread 02-16-2001, 08:53 PM
Asking family/friends not come to hospital

I did not have your problem (my family is 3000 miles away), but perhaps you could give them tasks to do that would help you out-- do you have kids to be watched or driven around ? Do you have grocery shopping, post op supplies shopping or anything else they can be sent out to do for you ? Can you sit them down and tell them that it is too overwhelming to have everyone there and your husband or parents will keep everyone informed the day of surgery and let them know when you can deal with visitors ? Perhaps you could tell them you would much rather have visitors after you get home (ones who will also bring food and treats ?!)

Just some ideas from someone who had a few friends ask if they could visit, and I said I did not want visitors at the hospital but would greatly appreciate help in other ways (my friends were happy to oblige). Some people love visitors at the hospital. I was not one of those types of people. My husband was my only visitor (and a good friend that is a doctor in that hospital)-- I remember very little about those visits-- pain medication does a number on the brian...

Good luck. You are fortunate to have a lot of people who love you around; you just have to figure out a nice way to get them to help in the way that is best for you -- after all, you are the one having surgery !
  #3  
Unread 02-16-2001, 08:56 PM
HERES YOUR OUT

HI TERRY,
HERE'S WHAT YOU CAN TELL ALL THE FRIENDS AND FAMILY. EXPLAIN TO THEM THAT THE HOSPITAL SAID THAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE WELCOME TO VISIT FOR SHORT PERIODS OF TIME AFTER SURGERY BUT NOT BEFORE. IT IS ALSO BEST IF THEY COME THE DAY AFTER SURGERY BECAUSE THE DAY OF SURGERY YOU WILL BE VERY OUT OF IT. ALSO YOU MAY WANT TO REMIND THEM THAT VISITS SHOULD BE KEPT SHORT BECAUSE THEY WILL WEAR YOU OUT QUICKLY. I HOPE THIS HELPS.
ROSEANNE
[email protected]
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  #4  
Unread 02-16-2001, 11:08 PM
Asking family/friends not come to hospital

Dear Terry,

I also requested no visitors at the hospital. But I encouraged friends & family to stop by the house during my medical leave and BRING DINNER

I didn't want anyone witnesses to my shuffling from bed to bathroom, iv pole wheeling behind & lovely gown flapping open in the breeze...

Perhaps this can be a task assigned to your DH or your mom... ask them to convey to others that you don't want hospital visitors, but phone calls & short visits to the house later (don't forget that DINNER) would be welcome.

Sending cyberhugs
  #5  
Unread 02-16-2001, 11:18 PM
Asking family/friends not come to hospital

I agree with Twysmiling, you have enough to deal with, the only other thing I can think of is not to tell what time you are having surgery. I was scheduled for the earliest time and several didn't show until I was already in the OR.

Tell the nurses that you request only those mentioned to be with you while waiting. I had a moment that I wanted my in-laws not to be in with me ( I love them, but wanted a private moment with my DH) I later told my DH that I was not pleased, but....they meant well.

Just hang in there...you'll be a soon

God Bless,
Queena

TAH BSO AP APPIE adeno Jan 26
  #6  
Unread 02-16-2001, 11:37 PM
visiting Family and Friends

HI Terry,
My plan is to follow the same approach as previous surgeries I have had regarding visitation. No visitors the first day because I know I am either out of it or experiencing the side effects of being put under:nausea
and vomiting.
I do enjoy visitors after the first day as a welcomed distraction from my discomfort as well as needing the morale support. I will qualify this by stating that my visitors will be my spouse, my children, and very good friends who would reconize my fatigue.
I think it is a matter of personal preference and being selective on who visits. Close friends and my family won't be focusing on how I look. There are those that would prefer to be left alone those first few days and that is okey too. If you are one of those, don't allow visits just to please the visitors, do what YOU need to do for your recovery!! As far as what to tell those who want to visit and wait it out during your surgery, honesty is the best policy. Explain that you need private time for yourself and your spouse prior to going in to surgery.If they want to visit post-op tell them you will be recovering from a major surgery and will need continued rest those first few days.
Good luck, my trip to the "palace" is down to four days.
Linda

  #7  
Unread 02-17-2001, 07:03 AM
Call in the troops

Hi

This is an area where you can use your DH and your DD. DD doesn't even have to know it. Your husband can tell those well meaning relatives that your hospital, or your doctor, does not allow any more than three people to be with you before surgery, and that those three people are your parents and himself. You can also have him say that the doctor does not allow visitors for the first day or first two days or whatever you think will be comfortable for you. You can even say the doctor will decide depending on how you are doing about when you can have visitors. YOU can even say these things. It's not that you don't want these people to visit, it's just the rules. Darn rules.

I had my first visitor aside from my DH and kids on Thursday and I had my surgery on Monday. That was plenty of time for me. I was glad to see her then, but would not have appreciated her much before then.

When people asked if they could visit I said 'Yes, could you come on Saturday?' or "Things are really hectic here, would you be able to stop by on Wednesday? (Three days after I returned home.)

I know it's sticky, but be clear and dow hat you feel is really best for you.
  #8  
Unread 02-17-2001, 10:01 AM
Asking family/friends not come to hospital

I just told everyone that if they had not yet seen me in my nightgown and without make-up, now was not the time! I made it very clear I did not want visitors in the hospital...but they came anyway! I was actually glad to have some visitors after the first day. I knew they would come...the ones that really cared...but telling everyone I did not want visitors kept away the borderlines and the just plain curious. My co-workers were especially pleased to see me in my leopard print outfit..including Mickey Mouse ears! I didn`t want to look as pitiful as I felt and needed to add some humor to the whole expierience. It was actually easier to have visitors in the hospital than at home. Once I was at home and they came, I felt as though I had to entertain and poor hubby was left the job of getting cokes, ice, coffee, cookies. I really appreciated the ones that just brought meals and stayed only 10 minutes. Once 3 came at the same time and I layed on the couch and fell asleep while they chatted..! The good thing was I could blame my lack of hostess manners on drugs and surgery! I also told those that called and wanted to stop that I never knew when I would be sleeping as the exhaustion just overcomes you at sometimes inconvenient moments, so please call first. That way if I wasn`t up for company, I just didn`t answer the phone. Shame on me! But you HAVE to be a little selfish to recover.
{{{{{{{{{{hyster hugs}}}}}}}}}}}
kaatie
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