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am i being selfish am i being selfish

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Unread 05-23-2005, 03:08 PM
am i being selfish

I'm Hoping some of you ladies can give me an opinion. My live in fiancee, who has known about my upcoming TVH June 7. Has decided that 10 days post op he is driving to Michigan to get his children to stay for the summer. I have made arrangements for my kids to stay with my ex-husbands mother for a month while I recuperate. IN other words I'll be left alone for three days with no help b/c my mother will be out of town with her mom at the Mayo clinic. Am I being selfish to belive that he should give me a little more time to heal bfore assuming the responsibilities of taking care of his two boys. HELP_
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Unread 05-23-2005, 03:21 PM
am i being selfish

Dear suzyq26,

I know from experience that I was in no position of taking care of anyone 10 days after my surgery.
One thing I learned from it and I think all the Ladies here that have gone through these kind of surgeries is that you only get one chance to heal properly.

Talk to your fiancee, see if there is extra help he can find to help you out with his boys. Maybe some other arrangements that can be made for a few weeks after your surgery.

Physically and emotionally it will be tough to cope (some do better than others) but if this bothers you, this is something you don't want to have in between you two as time goes by, which is for you not having stand up for what you need and blame him for having allowed him to take advantage of you.
That is my opinion,
Unread 05-23-2005, 03:22 PM
am i being selfish

One more thing,


This is not a whim of selfishness.
This is your health, this is your life, this has to do with your ever after...

Wish you my best.
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Unread 05-23-2005, 09:24 PM
am i being selfish


I must agree with DMHviolin1, you ARE NOT BEING SELFISH!! From someone who has been through a TAH -- you will not be able to take care of any one for a little while..... it is an emotional and trying will need help, whether it's in the form of a baby sitter for the days, day camps, etc....I believe (only my opinion) that your mental state is very important before and AFTER your need the time to pamper yourself in a calm and as stress free environment as possible....Please do yourself a favor and be open with your fiancee and tell him what you are concerned about and ask him to help you come up with some options for the boys.... but, I am also concerned about YOU! You will need a leaning post too....maybe he doesn't fully understand that this is a major surgery and you will also need some help........Please take care and big hugs and support sent your way!!!
Unread 05-24-2005, 06:59 PM


Thank you ladies for being so kind and making me realize that I am not being a selfish old hag. Though I'm new you guys have been a great comfort to me in the last three days. I love this site and all the ladies involved.

Best wishes to all of you

Unread 05-24-2005, 07:34 PM
am I being selfish

No, you are not being selfish. Even though I live alone and only have my cat to take care of when I had my hysterectomy I asked my parents to come and stay with me for a week.

Even though my recovery was easy I had no way of knowing that prior to the surgery. It sure was nice to know I had someone around to take care of me if I needed it.

Please remember your the one who needs support and should be taken care of. Wishing you a speedy recovery
Unread 05-25-2005, 12:30 PM
am i being selfish


You are not being selfish at all. This is major surgery and getting one's rest during the recovery time is important.

Whatever you need to do to make it easier on yourself after surgery will help. If you have any family or friends that can come or check up on you. If you have time to prepare meals and stock food for a few weeks . Also , if you belong to a church, there are people that will bring food or come by to see what can be done.

I hope you can get some help and understanding from those close to you. This is the time you need a little attention and care.

Best wishes.

Sending lot's of s
Unread 06-01-2005, 08:51 PM
am i being selfish

Dear Suzanne,

Just a note to you to say it is sure a good thing that he is your fiance and not your dh,,, and I am sorry to have to say this , but, I hope you will think not only twice but more than a few times about actually marrying this guy..... It is cute and all that he wants his kids around , but come on,,, Now????? I feel he should think again.. My best wishes to you , Reeni comfort

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