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Celebit marriage? Celebit marriage?

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  #1  
Unread 05-26-2005, 09:23 AM
Celebit marriage?

My dh and I are suffering in the bedroom. I can't even remember when the last time we had sex. I had a heart to heart with him about a month ago and just stated that a minimum of 2x per week is what I need. Post surgery things were some what healthy. His drive has never really matched mine though and now we have hit an all time low. I have gained a little weight since the surgery but am sure that it will start to come off now that the nice weather is here. I am 4 months post op and feel like I'm not a woman anymore. At first I thought he might be scared of hurting me so we talked a lot about it. He says thats not it. I'm not sure what to do, I'm beginning to really be upset about it. I now refer to him as my 'roommate' because there is no intamacy. We have a good marriage but this component is taking a toll. How can I get thriugh to him that I need to feel like a woman again. I feel like our marriage is slipping away with out a healthy sex life. Anyone else feel this way?
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  #2  
Unread 05-26-2005, 09:54 AM
Celebit marriage?

Hi hlb

I am so sorry to hear what is happening to you. All I can say is hang in there hun. Before I had my Hysterectomy we went for a total of 18 months without sex, we did do other things to try and relieve some sexual tension.

After my Hyst I went for my 6 weeks check and Doc said to leave it another 2 weeks before we tried. Well I am 12 weeks post op today and we had full sex at the weekend for the first time in 18 months and it was FANTASTIC!!!!!!!

Anyways after lots of talking and me thinking he went off me, it turned out that DH was a bundle of nerves and absolutely shaking in his boots incase he hurt me. "He said that he saw me in so much pain previously, that the THOUGHT of HIM causing me anymore physical pain just for sex was killing him."

Well after we did it, I don't know who had the biggest smile. Him or me LOL, we were like the cats that got the cream LOL. Further more my DH said he felt like a big weight had been lifted from him, as he was initially petrified of us doing it for the first time again. So hang in there girl, because maybe he is finding everything a lot harder than you think to deal with.

Hope it all works out

Luvs & S Peachy xxxx
  #3  
Unread 05-26-2005, 10:36 AM
Celebit marriage?

You do not say how old you and your DH are, so I do not know if this might be it But..............

ANDROPAUSE !

Yes, there really is a male menopause ! Here is a good link to read about it.

http://www.andropause.com/

I am 53 will be 54 in August, my DH (?) is a year older. Things have been going down hill for the last 4 years or so. In 2003 it was 4 times. In 2004 it was twice. The last time I had sex was December of 2004.

It was NOT because of my troubles with the tumor or hyst...when we 'did it' there really wasn't pain. I was released on May 5th, 2005....and my hubby has yet to even try to touch me.

I have always wanted it more than he....but 2 times a years is just not enough! I , like you, have a good marriage , BUT......


Maybe this web site on ANDROPAUSE will help explain what is going on with your DH.

Just a thought....Kate
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  #4  
Unread 05-26-2005, 10:57 AM
Celebit marriage?

I really don't have the perfect answer for you, but I agree that he may be having some difficulty dealing with everything that has taken place. Communication is very important. Try to be patient and understanding, discuss it when the timing is right. Have you ever tried setting the mood? Do something risky and out of character? Surprise him with candles and music? You never know, it just may work! Sometimes it's just a matter of re-kindling your passion for one another. It's a toughie, but hang in there and give it some thought. Good luck!
  #5  
Unread 05-26-2005, 11:14 AM
Celebit marriage?

I totally relate to your frustration. My husband is from Ontario - maybe they put something in the water when these guys were growing up??

No, seriously, I have plenty of crying/screaming/fits about how unwanted I get to feeling because there's no action happening. We're both past 45 now, and I think I've finally begun to understand the answer in our particular case.

I'm pain free and mess free now. I want to make up for lost time. I'm right there with you that twice a week would be great. Every 48 hours would be better as far as I'm concerned, but I'm willing to even compromise to once a week.

He's happy, satisfied, committed. He's not looking to prove anything in the bedroom, there's no one to "impress" because he knows I'm equally committed to him in my heart. So he doesn't feel those driving needs like I do.

Yes, I find it very aggravating that he'd rather watch the same Steven Segal movie for the umpteenth time until he can't keep his eyes open any more and then schlepp off to bed. I say if there's nothing on TV, turn it off and let's go entertain each other another way! It also doesn't help that he has a physically demanding job on his feet, and his days off are rarely on the weekend.

However... He does come home promptly every night. He does his fair share of housework and laundry and cooking. Nothing stays on the "honey do" list very long before he's got it looked after, many times he takes care of those things after supper instead of waiting for his next day off. He took WONDERFUL care of me while I was recovering. He spoils me rotten in so many ways that I can't even explain.

So... if sex is the only speed bump in our highway of marriage, I guess I'll just have to get more creative at sparking his interest. For a while I spent time joking about how I know exactly what Peg Bundy and Mrs. Roper went through on their TV sitcoms. I'm making a conscious effort now to take a more gentle approach. If that doesn't work, I don't know, maybe we'll need some counselling because on a scale of 1-10 right now this issues is about a 50 for me. I am TRYING to be more understanding. I didn't say I've ACCOMPLISHED that feat yet!
  #6  
Unread 05-26-2005, 11:29 AM
Celebit marriage?

I'm sticking to what I said before....spice it up a bit! Set the mood and do something daring...you gotta get their attention! I'm no spry chicken myself; I am single (for 3 yrs now), have an incredible man in my life, and I just turned 50 last week. And, I have finally discovered what romance is really all about. Can't believe it took me all these years to figure it out! Sounds like ya'll have wonderful dh's. Try it, ladies...c'mon and do something daring to bring that romance back into your bedroom. What have you got to loose? Have fun and good luck!
  #7  
Unread 05-26-2005, 01:11 PM
Celebit marriage?

Hey girls, Heather here,
I guess I'm not alone out there with the old bedroom blues!! I need to tell you that I am 29 and dh is 32. We have a good marriage like I said but are practically living like roommates. I think I will take your advice. This weekend dh is off and I can make arrangements for our 10 year old girl to go to Granny's. Maybe a chat, some wine and mood music will do the trick, otherwise I'll make him read this thread!! LOL I read a book called the 5 languages of love. Its about how poeple give and recieve love differently. If you can figure that out for your partner its supposed to help. The 5 languages are:
1 Physical touch
2 words of affirmation
3 acts of service
4 gifts
5 quality time

I now know that dh recieves love through words of affirmation (praise) and gives love through acts of service (housework, making me tea ect.) Guess what? I give through physical touch and recieve through physical touch, thats the tricky part. LOL I'll keep you posted. Heather
  #8  
Unread 05-26-2005, 01:25 PM
Celebit marriage?

I am so rooting for ya! Add some candles to the wine and mood music...maybe even a romantic nightgown (something sexy, but nothing trashy). Maybe even throw in a little gentle massage for good measure...men do like that, ya know! Hope it works out and hope you will share the glory with us if things go well! Good luck and have fun!
  #9  
Unread 05-26-2005, 04:36 PM
Celebit marriage?

When my DH went through a time when he just couldn't get excited, I used reverse psychology - and it worked!

I didn't look or act like I wanted sex, but the kids were at friends homes. I told him he looked totally stressed and offered to give him a "body rub" to relieve tension (of course). I used heated baby oil and started at his feet. I spent time on every single muscle. When I got just above his knees, I went up to his face and worked down.

Now, here's what worked. When I got to the "important parts" I used just a little of my progesterone cream (which your husband will turn immediatly into testosterone if he needs it). It worked like a charm. You don't want to overdo the progesterone though, it really only takes a very small amount. Anyway, afterwards I told my husband what I used and now if he is having a problem, he will ask me for it.

Men go through hormone changes too, and they can't work the same without the hormones that they need. They also find it frustrating and if we can help them out a little, why not?
  #10  
Unread 05-27-2005, 08:58 AM
Celebit marriage?

OK - I am showing my ignorance (blush)....what exactly is this progesterone cream and where do you get it if you need it? I have some idea what it is, but would like more info. Thanks!
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