how do you give up on a dream? | HysterSisters
HysterSisters Hysterectomy Support and Information
Advertising Info HysterSisters Hysterectomy Support Tutorial

Go Back   Hysterectomy HysterSisters > HysterSisters Posts from the Heart > Aching Hearts is a massive online community with over 475,000 members and over 5 million posts.

Our community is filled with women who have been through the Hysterectomy experience providing both advice and support from our active members and moderators. is located at 111 Peter St, Toronto, Canada, M5V2H1 and is part of the VerticalScope network of websites.

With free registration, you can ask and answer questions in our HYSTERECTOMY forum community, get our FREE BOOKLET, access Hysterectomy Checkpoints and more.

You are not alone. The HysterSisters are here for you. Join us today!
join HysterSisters for hysterectomy resources and support

how do you give up on a dream? how do you give up on a dream?

Thread Tools
Unread 05-26-2005, 09:03 PM
how do you give up on a dream?

Greetings all.
I'm hoping for some advice on how to grieve the loss of my dream to have a baby.
Here's my story:
Abortion at 16 with many regrets but always reminded myself that I was way too young.
Married at 26 and had a son at 27 then separated at 29. A sad story about cheating and it's not worth getting into. I did the right thing in getting out of that situation.
During our separation I had an ectopic pregnancy at 30 with my first post marriage lover and had an emergency surgery that caused me to lose my right fallopian tube. So much drama that I didn't date for quite a while.
Then finally when I thought there was hope for a family again, I married at 37 to a wonderful man and we hoped to have at least one child. Unfortuantely he experienced some job stability and depression which didn't lend itself towards our baby dreams....then I developed all sorts of issues with cysts and fibroids and it looks like I won't have all my parts functioning for much longer.
So here I am a few weeks shy of 40 with my laparoscopy and hysteroscopy a few days away and feeling very skeptical. Maybe it would be better to avoid the possibility of repeated procedures and go straight to hyster. Then we could find some new dreams like travel or buying a cottage or big boat and live it up.
But every time I see a baby or a pregnant women I have intense emotional reactions. Maybe it's the Lupon I'm on or sleep deprivation but it's a dream turned into a burden and I think it's time to let it go.
Sponsored Links
Unread 05-27-2005, 01:34 PM
how do you give up on a dream?

Dear Sandra:

I think it's normal to grieve the loss of your options, regardless of your family size. I was past 40, DH had a vasectomy, and we had two girls (one adopted & one homemade), so I thot we had put all that baby stuff behind me, BUT I still felt like I was losing control of my *choice*.

I hope your heart feels better soon. I am sending huge cyberhugs
Unread 05-27-2005, 01:59 PM
how do you give up on a dream?


I understand your feelings of seeing other women with babies. I have had those feelings. Wondering why some women have babies they don't want while I can't have all the children I want....

I finally realized that I was focusing on the wrong thing. Life isn't about fairness. It is about enjoying and doing the best with what you are given. I was so wrapped up in what I didn't have that I wasn't really enjoying what I had. So, whenever I felt those "monster feelings" I would force myself to do something loving for my husband. (At that time, my first child had died, I didn't think I would be able to have any more). I would focus on what I did have with him, not on what I didn't have.

It is sorta like either looking at a cup half full or half empty. However, I realized that if we are cups, we are all cups made for different drinks (is this analogy too far out, or what?) I started then looking at my cup as full, with what it was intended for. When I did finally have another child, guess what? My cup got bigger. I had another child die, and guess what? I filled it with more focus on the husband and child I did have, no room for the regrets and discouragements that I could to nothing about.

I don't know if this sort of thinking will work for everyone, but just wanted to share what works for me.

You do need to allow yourself a time of grieving. Hey, I still cry sometimes and It has been 25 years since the death of my first child. (I talked to a 97 year old woman the other day who was crying over a child of hers who had died over 70 years ago.) Just don't give your WHOLE life over to grieving. Allow yourself to live too.

Sponsored Links
Unread 05-31-2005, 01:42 PM
how do you give up on a dream?

I'm not sure exactly why, but your post touched just made me stop in my tracks. I'm only 23--had my hyst last year at age 22. I had two miscarriages (one at 12 yrs old, another at 19) so I never actually had any children...something you said just hit me. I'm not exactly sure how to explain was the line you used.."...its a dream turned into a burden..and its time to let it go." You're right! It's taken me 6 months to get to this point, but all this time I've been greiving for what will never be. I feel guilt because of what happened when I was younger...but you're right. I have to let it go. Thank you all so much for opening my eyes! You are such strong, wonderful women. Thank you so much. I wish you the best in all of this, and you will be in my thoughts.

Sincerely, ChristinaLeigh
Unread 06-01-2005, 08:17 PM

To all my grieving sisters,

There are so many of us out here, and I can only add myself to the list. There is not much I can say as far as making you all feel better about the situation , because I still grieve over what might have been.....and it has been a very long time... so what works for one may not work for others , as one of our sisters just said.

I do know that if you focus on what you do not have , then it becomes a monster to deal with.... and it is not easy to get yourself to derail your thinking .....and I am sorry I do not have an answer, either....I am still learning and am trying to get a job so that I do not have so much time to think ..... I hope it comes soon.....Lots of love and support, Reeni

Our Free Booklet
What 350,000 Women Know About Hysterectomy: Information, helpful hints as you prepare and recover from hysterectomy.
Answers to your questions

Thread Tools

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
From This Forum From Other Forums
10 Replies, Last Reply 10-03-2010, Started By wdschaffer1973
1 Reply, Last Reply 05-29-2007, Started By kindness247
7 Replies, Last Reply 08-04-2006, Started By Kareybear
10 Replies, Last Reply 01-28-2006, Started By Colorado1962
3 Replies, Last Reply 02-17-2005, Started By outwtheold
8 Replies, Last Reply 01-10-2005, Started By kindred
21 Replies, Last Reply 09-24-2004, Started By beatlepeg
3 Replies, Last Reply 06-11-2003, Started By pasdechat
2 Replies, Last Reply 09-14-2001, Started By amysuetoo
8 Replies, Last Reply 08-07-2001, Started By Sonya S.
» Dream
3 Replies, Preparing for Hysterectomy (pre hysterectomy)
16 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy)
1 Reply, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy)
0 Reply, Dear Honey
14 Replies, Cancer Concerns - GYN
6 Replies, Preparing for Hysterectomy (pre hysterectomy)
» Dream
6 Replies, No Uterus - No Ovaries - Yes HRT - Surgical Menopause
1 Reply, Preparing for Hysterectomy (pre hysterectomy)
8 Replies, Preparing for Hysterectomy (pre hysterectomy)
4 Replies, Prayer Requests for Hyster Sisters


Hysterectomy News

February 25,2021


HysterSisters Takes On Partner To Manage Continued Growth And Longevity
I have news that is wonderful and exciting! This week’s migration wasn’t a typical migration - from one set ... News Archive


Calendar - Hysterectomies - Birthdays

Request Information

I am a HysterSister


Featured Story - All Stories - Share Yours


Your Hysterectomy Date

CUSTOMIZE Your Browsing  

$vbulletin->featuredvideos is not an array!