HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party | HysterSisters
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HELP!!  PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party

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  #1  
Unread 06-04-2005, 03:54 PM
HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party

DH and I just had a heated conversation with his sister. We live in CO, all his family is back in PA.

We got a call months ago that the family (DH's 5 brothers & 1 sister) is planning a surprise 50th Wedding Anniv. for their folks. We said we would fly out there for several days and attend the surprise party.

Between time off work without pay, flights, rental cars, 5 pets in the kennel, hotel etc.... it is costing DH and I over $1000 to attend this party.

NOW, DH's sister just called us to say we need to pitch in $300. Each of the 7 siblings needs to pitch in $300 each to pay for the 100 people coming.

Sister in Law (SIL) thought it would be tacky to charge a "per head' at the door.

DH and I do NOT!!! feel like we should haved to pay $300 when it is already costing us so much to fly out there as it is. WE do NOT have that kind of $$ sitting around.


MY question to yall is.............. I know families have large gatherings like this all the time, HOW do you handle the expenses??? They have to rent a hall and SIL has a friend that offered to do tables, center pieces, food, paper products and the cake for $1500. Bar and DJ will be even more $$$$

HOW do big families do this? WE are already being made out to be cheapskates. Can't really cancel going, as the plane tickets are nonrefundable :-0

OH YEA..... it was suggested we could do a "payment plan" and send $50 a month. NOT close with his family, never was and never will be. He could "almost" careless if we even went, but are going out of obligation.
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  #2  
Unread 06-04-2005, 10:19 PM
HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party

Hi Sapphire,

When my in-laws had their 50th wedding celebration, the costs were divided between the 4 siblings. We live away from our hometowns, so we also had travel expenses, so I can relate.

We did pay our portion, but we are close to DH's family. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. It is a financial strain, especially if money is tight already. The payment plan of $50 a month is a good option, if it is doable for you.

I hope you find an answer soon! I know that it can be a stressful situation and I wish I had a magic answer.

s

Deb
  #3  
Unread 06-05-2005, 04:18 AM
HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party

Hi Sapphire;

I would just tell the family you can't afford the plane tickets along with all of the other expenses AND $300 too boot.

You should not feel ashamed, just tell the truth.

If they don't listen, go anyway and have fun on your own!

I wish you good luck! Hopefully a solution will come to you.

Sybie
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  #4  
Unread 06-05-2005, 09:20 AM
HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party

  Quote:
Originally posted by Crossfire
Hi Sapphire,

When my in-laws had their 50th wedding celebration, the costs were divided between the 4 siblings. We live away from our hometowns, so we also had travel expenses, so I can relate.

We did pay our portion, but we are close to DH's family. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. It is a financial strain, especially if money is tight already. The payment plan of $50 a month is a good option, if it is doable for you.

I hope you find an answer soon! I know that it can be a stressful situation and I wish I had a magic answer.

s

Deb
Ya know........ if all this had been discussed with us BEFORE hand we would have no problem. We just don't appreciate being invited to a party, we say YES, then spend $1000 on air, hotel, rental car, kennels etc..... THEN months later get a phone call asking for a check by the end of the month. THAT is not right at all.

I should add this is a SURPRISE party for my inlaws!

I was just thinking last night................ WHO is going to make up the $300 or $600 dollar difference for those that don't pay. The two planning this I feel went about it VERY VERY wrong!
  #5  
Unread 06-05-2005, 02:22 PM
HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party

I wish I had an answer for you - my siblings gave a birthday party for our Dad 2 years ago. I was more or less left out of the planning - I had surgery on my foot shortly before the actual party. I had offered to have it at my house - we have a large covered deck and ample parking, but was told later that none of my siblings feel comfortable at my house. Not sure about why - they really have never been here! I was told what to bring - and how much of it, what time to be there - wasn't quite ready to go when the food was ready to be taken, so I sent my dd with it. One sibling commandeered her and starting telling her what to lift (she said she couldn't pick up anything at all because she was pregnant) and finally my dd said I need to go pick up my mom and driver her over (I couldn't drive yet). I wasn't even told who was on the invitation list - when I discovered that several people had been left off, I was told there were no invitations left, they didn't have time to get any more, and if I wanted to send any I needed to do it myself. Their invitations made it look like it was given by 2 of 6 kids. After being told what food to bring, how much $ to give I was told I needed to give $20.00 more for a gift for my dad. I had 4 kids at home at the time and $ was very tight. When we sold his house in April the swing that they bought for his gift was left there - I didn't want it, and I guess they didn't either.

It has been very difficult for me to do this - but when I don't have enough $ to participate in something with them - I just say so.

I have very little contact with them at this point - Dad is in a nursing home 35 miles away from me now, and is mostly bedridden, has a feeding tube and is still just waiting to go be with mom who died 7 1/2 years ago.

Good luck - and I hope it all works out.
  #6  
Unread 06-05-2005, 10:59 PM
HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party

We had a anniversary party for my folks about 5 years ago... 8 siblings, and we divvied up the cost so it ended up being $100 per sibling (had ONE sibling who didn't think he should have to pay his share since he weaseled out of even attending at the last minute, but that's another pity party, harumph!).

Anyway, we had it at my sister's house/yard in the summer time, deli trays and cold side dishes, pop, lemonade and a keg of beer. Some of the siblings/guests drove hundreds of miles or flew, and paid for their own hotels.

We did not give a gift to my folks, in fact, the invites said no gifts please. But the invites DID ask for each to send a picture and/or story for a scrapbook to be assembled afterwards. I gathered up all of those and had it on display at the party, then completed it with pictures taken during the party (we did lots of family photos), and any other cards/memorabilia that came in.

Maybe we are just small town folks, but it never occurred to anyone to rent a hall and a DJ. We did have a bakery cake & a bottle of champagne for a toast. There were about 100 guests in attendance, and the ones who drove in brought lawn chairs The gathering started around noon, and lasted til way after dark. A good time was had by all... and isn't that the purpose of the celebration?

Just my 2cents worth
  #7  
Unread 06-05-2005, 11:31 PM
HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party

Sapphire,

You know, I have been thinking about your situation a lot and I remember my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding celebration. They only have 2 children so it was a family venture between the 2 children and parents.

It was held at their church fellowship hall and they used the church dishes and had it catered with a simple smoked barbeque dinner with all the trimmings. The ladies of the church provided drinks and desserts. The cake was from the bakery.

It was a very nice affair and we all had a wonderful time celebrating their anniversary!

The siblings should have discussed the plans with you and your DH ahead of time and reached a decision based on what all of you wanted to do and how much to spend.

You and your DH are in my prayers that everything works out for you.

No matter what, hang in there!

s

Deb
  #8  
Unread 06-06-2005, 08:18 AM
HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party

You can usually cancel even a nonrefundable flight, and not lose the whole dollar amount. Typically the airline just charges a cancellation fee and issues a credit toward a future flight. Check with them.
  #9  
Unread 06-06-2005, 06:42 PM
HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party

I have one more comment to add: often when there is loud music playing (ie a band or DJ), it's difficult for folks to carry on a conversation. Would the guests of honor (whose hearing may not be as spry as it used to be ) want to compete with the music in order to have conversation with other guests?

Just some food for thought
  #10  
Unread 06-06-2005, 10:17 PM
HELP!! PLEASE HOW do you $$ afford $$ to have a large Anniv Party, Celebration party

They are a 'religious' family, having it at church would have been a GREAT idea. Ahhh... but now found out they have already put a down payment on the hall.

This just stinks, feeling 'forced' and obligated to send them $300 when this is already costing us a fortune to go there, when we most likely would have never gone back there. Just not right.
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