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Desperate,don't know what to do with myself? Desperate,don't know what to do with myself?

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Unread 06-17-2005, 01:35 PM
Desperate,don't know what to do with myself?

I am 10 weeks out of surgery and have a few complications physically but emotionally I am a wreak!! I always wanted children and had infertility treatment for 20 years before I finally accepted that I needed the hysterectomy. I thought that I had done all of my grieving during those years but now find that I have not!I am having dreams and nightmares about giving birth and losing my baby!! I don't feel like a woman any more! I feel like that I am no better than a transsexual anatomically. I feel like I don't want men to talk to me because I am not a whole woman.Even going out with female friends is a trauma ,because I feel as if they are better than me. What can I do? I have no-one to turn too. Everyone would think that I was loosing my mind. Please help! I don't know how to cope with all of this. The physical problems are bad enough without this. Sorry! I know that there are others out there with problems
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Unread 06-17-2005, 04:14 PM
Desperate,don't know what to do with myself?

Aunty Ann

I am so sorry that you are feeling so very bad. Did you keep your ovaries? Even if you did, they may still be sleeping. Some of your depression may be caused by a hormonal imbalance. Have you talked to your Dr about all that you are feeling? He/she would be able to assess your situation and know best how to help you.

I do want to let you know that you ARE a whole woman. Having a hyst will mean that you cannot give birth, but it has nothing to do with who you are, or your value as a woman.

I am hoping that someone else here who has experienced the same as you are going through will come along and tell you how they got through it.

In the meantime, please call and talk to someone. Those nightmares sound absolutely awful! Not getting good sleep will also affect your ability to deal with your emotions. There are ways that you can be helped, but you need to let your Dr know that you need the help first.

I will be waiting to hear what your Dr says.

Unread 06-17-2005, 07:15 PM
Desperate,don't know what to do with myself?

I'm sorry you are feeling like this.

I felt the same way initially, about feeling genderless.

But, with hormone replacement therapy, a regular workout regime and eating right, I feel as womanly as I have ever felt.

At one time, I even thought about augmentation, I felt so poorly about myself and felt it would make me feel more female. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to do - I am saying I have regained my sense of confidence and self-esteem. And, I am happy and self-confident with my femininity.

Actually, I am getting a scar revision done, which will help me not only psychologically but will help with the pain and burning sensations too around the area.

Psychiatrists say that the greatest sex organ is your mind. Granted, they would say that, but I do happen to believe it's true.

Estrogen and progesterone affects the mind greatly, and the way you feel about yourself, dress, take care of yourself, that's all affected by your mind. Also, your female sexual response, which is driven by how the hormones you have had for most of your life and most importantly during those puberty years when you were forming and *completing* your maturation physically and psychologically as a woman, is affected by your mind.

So, not only physically are you a mature woman, genetically you are too. And, psychologically, both the way you were raised and how the hormones affected your development of your brain. Your maturation is complete. You are a woman. Now, granted, they took out an organ. That affects fertility. Not only do you still have other female organs left, but everything else, from the pitch of your voice, to the other organs, to your mind, um, and yes down to each and every cell of your body down to the microscopic genes, yup, that's all female too.
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Unread 06-17-2005, 07:55 PM
Desperate,don't know what to do with myself?

Awww Auntie Ann,

Hugs sent to you!! I am so sorry you are feeling so badly. I would have to agree with Kay M's suggestion about hormonal imbalance after your hyst. Believe me, as I haven't found the magic bullet in that area yet either. The emotional ups and downs can be devastating. But, you are a real, caring and strong WOMAN. I laughed(better than crying I suppose) with one of my friends who recently had her hyst, and said we've fully earned the right to be called WOMEN even if we haven't been blessed with having children and have lost some organs here and there. Just remember, you are just as good and more strong than most!! I've had to learn that my identity does not come from my being "normal". We are just a little more complicated and some have gone through emotional and physical hurdles just to live that others cannot imagine. PLEASE talk to your doctor. It will take time --give yourself the patience and time you'd give someone else. In my own life, I've noticed I have tons of patience and compassion for others (it's even my job to do that) but, I'm not so forgiving with myself. Please don't shut out your emotions and feelings as they are valid and an important part of your healing process (coming to you from a person who is good at taking care of others and not herself). I'm sorry this is soooo long, your're post just touched me and I understood................. sent your way!!!
Unread 06-18-2005, 01:07 AM
Desperate,don't know what to do with myself?

Thanks so much for your thoughts.I have talked to both my Family Doctor and Gynaecologist about this on one level( very brief mentions) prehaps I need to be more specific about how bad that I feel. I cannot have hormone replacement therapy because of other health issues but my gynaecologist prescribed,reluctantly,Livial which is supposed to block the hormone receptors in your body.My Doctor ,however,wont prescribe it till he's sure that it will be safe for me.In the interim I have started taking a herbal concoction,using flower remedies and arromatherapy to try and help myself feel better.It just seems iinsurmountable at the moment. I,too, am the sort of person who others seem to turn too and am not very good at looking after my own needs.I just feel so vulnerable at the moment.Any little thing can start me off and because I keep it all inside ,so I don't upset anyone else, the feelings seem to grow like Topsy.!! I know that there are other women out there who have been through much worse than I and that I should be grateful that I am alive. Just sometimes,if I wasn't so afraid of dying,it might seem to have been easier if I hadn't woken up after the operation.Thanks for bring there for me to talk to!Take Care of Yourselves,

Unread 06-18-2005, 09:01 AM
Desperate,don't know what to do with myself?

(((Aunty Ann)))

I have talked to both my Family Doctor and Gynaecologist about this on one level( very brief mentions) prehaps I need to be more specific about how bad that I feel.
Please call your Dr today and tell him specifically how you are feeling. I know that if I go into see a Dr about one thing, and then mention something else, it does not get much attention.

Have a list of the herbal remedies and anything else you are taking in your hand and tell him about it. Sometimes they can interact with other meds or even backfire on you.

I,too, am the sort of person who others seem to turn too and am not very good at looking after my own needs.I just feel so vulnerable at the moment
This is your time to take care of you. Please call your Dr today. Even if he is not in the office he has a way to be reached in emergencies. An emergency is not only bleeding to death. It also includes emotional emergencies. If you can't reach him then go to the emergency room or call 911.

Call someone today and tell them all you have written here. They will be able to help you. That is what they are there for.

I have felt the way you have described you are feeling. I can tell you that life does get good again.

You are a very precious person, and important to others, or they would not be coming to you with their issues. Call today, and let someone help you feel better so you can be there for others again. Give the Dr's a chance.

I will be waiting to hear from you again.

Unread 06-18-2005, 06:52 PM
Desperate,don't know what to do with myself?

Ohhh ((((Ann))))

This surgery can really knock us off our feet. The emotional impact can be made even worse by the hormonal imbalance that our bodies go through following the trauma of surgery.

I echo all of the good advice that (((kay m))) has given. Do talk frankly with your doctor about what you are going through. It often takes time and patience and being in partnership with our doctor to get back on our feet. There is a light at the end of this dark tunnel.

If you cannot take hormones, you might also want to also check out the No Hormone Desert Oasis which is a forum for women who cannot take HRT, but who have some good experience and support to share regarding natural remedies.

You have sisters here who care and know what you are going consult with your doctor, and we will be here for you as your find your way back to feeling good again.

Sending lots of 's
Unread 06-19-2005, 12:41 AM
Desperate,don't know what to do with myself?

Thanks so much for the support. I am going to take the advice and speak to my Doctor as soon as possible about all of this.I just don't want to make too much of this if it is just part of the post-op blues.The desperate feelings come over me in waves and are not there permanently. I think life is not worth living one minute and then I am thinking about what to buy for someone's birthday the next.In my book ,that must mean that I'm not terribly depressed otherwise I would not be able to even worry about someone's birthday?I'll see what the Doctor says and report back when I know. Thanks again.Take care of yourselves
Unread 06-24-2005, 04:59 AM
Desperate,don't know what to do with myself?

Can't get an appointment till next week and feel at rock bottom to-day.I'm trying so hard and don't seem to be getting anywhere.I have bought loads of supplements and things to try and help but I am still feeling wretched.To top it all my hair has been falling out for a long time due to the anaemia and fertility drugs etc.I was cleaning at my Mom's to-day and found a newspaper article about hair-loss and a nutrirional supplement that she had kept.It ,really,nearly tipped me over the edge.My Mom is a perfectionist and I am not perfect,I'm not even whole any more.The thought that she has noticed the hair-loss (we don't talk about sensitive things because she takes it personally and it becomes her problem) just put me in a state of panic!!That means that others have noticed too!! I felt like I was a freak and could not put my head out the door again!!I feel bad enough at the moment without this.The logical side of me says that it was kind of her to leave the article for me to see and that the way I am feeling is irrational.I can't understand why such a trivial thing should throw of balance.
Unread 06-24-2005, 06:46 AM
Hang in there Aunty Ann

Dear Ann,

Time to take a deep breath and take control. No one can control you unless you let them. It sounds like your mum is trying to help but does not know how to talk to you. Sounds like she means well even if it does not feel like it to you. That's OK. Read the article and decide if it is helpful to you. If yes, then make a plan about how you will use that information. Thank her for the information even if you decide not to use it. You don't need to justify what you do.

Plan for each day until you get to the doctor. Aim for one specific goal for yourself for each day between now and then and reward yourself for reaching the goal, and re-set the goal if you don't achieve it first time. There are no failures here just you taking control.

Are you happy to clean for your mum? If so, fine, incorporate that into your goals. If not, don't do it anymore, and don't feel bad for making that decision.

Take your doctor's advice, then make a plan about how YOU will use that advice to achieve your goal to feel better. Make both short and long-term plans and go over those plans often to check with yourself and to change the plan whenever you need to. It is your plan, no one else's.

Plan making and goal setting work for me and I have to change them a lot ( sometimes several times a day!) It does not matter, start small and remember not to expect too much of yourself, be realistic.
Hope this helps a little,

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