Mother-In-Law | HysterSisters
HysterSisters Hysterectomy Support and Information
Advertising Info HysterSisters Hysterectomy Support Tutorial

Go Back   Hysterectomy HysterSisters > Hysterectomy Support Posts > Preparing for Hysterectomy (pre hysterectomy) is a massive online community with over 475,000 members and over 5 million posts.

Our community is filled with women who have been through the Hysterectomy experience providing both advice and support from our active members and moderators. is located at 111 Peter St, Toronto, Canada, M5V2H1 and is part of the VerticalScope network of websites.

With free registration, you can ask and answer questions in our HYSTERECTOMY forum community, get our FREE BOOKLET, access Hysterectomy Checkpoints and more.

You are not alone. The HysterSisters are here for you. Join us today!
join HysterSisters for hysterectomy resources and support

Mother-In-Law Mother-In-Law

Thread Tools
Unread 06-20-2005, 06:43 AM

I was SO angry last night. DH's mom called, and they're COMING 10 days after my surgery for a party somebody is throwing for them. (They live 3 states away.) She doesn't know about my surgery. It's a total BAD coincidence. I REALLY didn't want her to know about my hyst, and especially the tummy tuck! I still don't. It's private. So, they're going to show up, and I'm going to be 10 days out from major surgery.
Now I'm faced with having to tell her beforehand, so she doesn't figure out that I was trying to keep it from her. Then, she'll want to come on over even earlier - which I don't want. I'm NOT comfortable with her in my home. She always wants to run things. But this is MY thing. I'm running it. Or, I thought I would be.
I'm so mad. I told DH last night. I really wanted this, MY surgery, to be in MY control. I had it ALL planned out. Now this.
I don't want visitors. I just want to be alone, with my little family, and get well. No visitors. Especially my in-laws!
They're coming in to go to this big party with ALL the local relatives, a family party that I would normally be expected to go to also. So the questions, Where's Donna? Why isn't she here? OH! What did she have done? Oh, my. Does the whole planet have to know about my surgery?!?! I really didn't want any of them to know.
My hysterectomy is private, and if she knew about the tummy tuck, it would just be me spending her son's money. (Nevermind that I work too.) I just wanted to do the whole thing privately.
I'm really mad about it. (Can you tell?) But, there's nothing to do. I can't move my surgery up, July 5 is the first available date. I can't move it back, I need to get this done while the kids are in summer day camp.
I'm so mad. I didn't want my MIL to know. (Are you begining to get that I really didn't want her to know?)

Donna - scheduled for TVH (keeping ovaries), hernia repair, and mini tummy tuck on July 5, 2005.
Sponsored Links
Unread 06-20-2005, 07:10 AM

They won't be staying with you will they?
1st: She NEVER has to know about the TT.
2nd: It doesn't have to be a hyst--maybe you had a hernia repair and appendix out.
I'm sorry you may have to deal with them. Your dh better be supportive of you and help you out with them! He has all us LIW's and princesses to account to.
Unread 06-20-2005, 07:12 AM

Dom't you just love family? Not! I think it would be best to tell them about the hysterectomy and not the tummy tuck (nobody eaver said you have to tell everything you know) and that you will not be up to visitors or attending a family party. I don't know what you financial situation is, but perhaps your DH could call them and offer to foot the bill for a hotel for them. Your DH needs to stand up to them--YOU are his family now!
Sponsored Links
Unread 06-20-2005, 09:44 AM

Hi, So sorry that you have to deal with this just 10 days after your surgery. My suggestion is to talk with your DH and explain your feelings about your mother in law's visit. As for telling her what your having done that is completely up to you because honestly it isn't anyone elses business. I would hope that she would be supportive after any kind of surgery, but some people react differently then others. Let me share my recovery story with you. I recently had the TVT procedure and was out of work a week for recovery. The surgery went great and I heeled just fine. My dear Mom came and "helped" me each day for the week I was at home. I thought I would go insane. Each day she came over she would say "Do you realize that when you go back to work they are going to fire you. By Friday of that week I was ready for a mental hospital. My mother in law on the other hand was just wonderful and I couldn't have made it without her. I don't even want to think about having a hysterectomy anytime soon, but my Dr has already mentioned that will be next on the agenda. I think I'll play it safe next time and thank her for her offer to help, but nicley decline. Hang in there. I hope you have a safe and uneventful surgery. Stay well and take care! Melanie
Unread 06-20-2005, 03:37 PM

If your in-laws think they are going to be staying with you, you and your DH need to come up with a different plan. If they are coming into town for a family gathering and there are other local family members...can they stay with one of them?

I understand not wanting your MIL to know all your business or to run your home for you while you recover. I think you do need to tell her that you had major surgery, though, and that you cannot attend the party or have guests right now. Don't mention the is none of her business. As far as "spending her son's money" all of your FIL's money his? Doesn't she then spend it??? I try to shield those kind of comments with similar ridiculous answers and humor so that the person making them might wake up and realize they need to SHUT UP!

I agree that you need your DH's full support with this and that you need to agree to the same story (whatever you decide it will be) to avoid questions. As for the rest of the family...they will wonder where you are and let least you didn't have to go to the party!

Good luck and try not to stress too much. Control what you can and let the rest go. Take care,

Unread 06-20-2005, 05:20 PM

Thank you so much for all your comments.

You are all right.

I plan on telling MIL about my upcoming surgery next week, and acting like it just came up. I will try to avoid explicit details, and only say that it's an TAH with hernia repair (it's a TVH, but the TAH will help explain my adbominal incision and stooped appearance).

She may NOT stay at my home. She can stay at her mother's home.

I will stand my ground now, and hopefully prevent any goings-on that I wouldn't want going on while I'm flat on my back.

Thanks again for your caring comments. You understand it SO much better than my DH. (His comment was, "there's nothing to do about it to change it, so, why are you so mad?" Ugh. Men.)

Thanks again girls.
Unread 06-20-2005, 06:31 PM

At some point before your surgery you have to sit you DH down and give him a BIG reality check! Defintely go to the checkpoints section of the website and HAVE HIM READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unread 06-20-2005, 06:56 PM

Why don't you tell your mother in law that you are having hernia surgery and that your mother is coming to stay with you and help to take care of you. Tell her that you are sorry that there won't be room for her but that thank goodness she has her Mother to stay with. Chicky Poo
Unread 06-20-2005, 08:10 PM

This is a no brainer. You really have no choice if you consider your privacy the sacred thing here. Reschedule your surgery. You write that this is totally innocent on her part. Other family members are going to be there too. If it is too much for you-reschedule. Your surgery is not life or death. Sounds like this situation is.
Unread 06-21-2005, 06:29 AM

Hi Pearle,
I can't reschedule due to my work schedule. I totally cleared out July, and everything is set for August, depositions, hearings, and such. I can't do anything to change that now - depositions have been set and we're on a deadline set by the Judge to get them done.
I worked all this out with my work so I'd have a window of time open to do this - and I can't even move my surgery up, as the doctors can't to it until July 5. If I could do it today, it would be a lot better - but I can't.
So, I'm doing it on July 5, MIL or no MIL.
Yes, my DH needs to be more educated about this whole process - he knows nothing about the recovery. I was telling him last night about the possible nausea, and the gas pains, and the constipation, and how I'll have to walk with a pillow pressed to my abdomen. . .
his comment was, "Is there anything redeeming about these procedures?!?" I answered him: "Yes, in about 6 months I am going to feel better and look better too."
No, he doesn't have a clue. My mother and sister live in town, and they will be helping me.
Thanks for your comments

Our Free Booklet
What 350,000 Women Know About Hysterectomy: Information, helpful hints as you prepare and recover from hysterectomy.
Answers to your questions

Thread Tools

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
From This Forum From Other Forums
15 Replies, Last Reply 06-09-2010, Started By TSMelson123
31 Replies, Last Reply 10-12-2006, Started By srk32
7 Replies, Last Reply 08-01-2006, Started By rteblfrd
21 Replies, Last Reply 12-07-2005, Started By klgbusdriver
4 Replies, Last Reply 02-12-2005, Started By pamelafla69
6 Replies, Last Reply 02-01-2005, Started By Rhon89
15 Replies, Last Reply 11-21-2004, Started By Boneta
14 Replies, Last Reply 10-24-2004, Started By pixxie64
14 Replies, Last Reply 08-20-2004, Started By loweswife
27 Replies, Last Reply 04-21-2002, Started By donduck
7 Replies, Last Reply 04-19-2002, Started By hysteriaat21
4 Replies, Last Reply 05-25-2001, Started By AnnaL
5 Replies, Cancer Concerns - GYN
21 Replies, Separate Surgeries
7 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy)
12 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy)
5 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy)
23 Replies, Aching Hearts
3 Replies, No Uterus - No Ovaries - Yes HRT - Surgical Menopause
5 Replies, No Uterus - No Ovaries - Yes HRT - Surgical Menopause


Hysterectomy News

October 20,2021


HysterSisters Takes On Partner To Manage Continued Growth And Longevity
I have news that is wonderful and exciting! This week’s migration wasn’t a typical migration - from one set ... News Archive


Calendar - Hysterectomies - Birthdays

Request Information

I am a HysterSister


Featured Story - All Stories - Share Yours


Your Hysterectomy Date

CUSTOMIZE Your Browsing  

$vbulletin->featuredvideos is not an array!