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Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter. Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter.

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  #1  
Unread 07-12-2005, 08:24 PM
Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter.

Huh .......... I dont even know where to start with this. I guess basically I am looking for advice on how to tell my 10 1/2 yr old daughter about puberty in general and getting her period. I am not ready to tell her about the sex part yet. I mean, if she has guestions, I would, but I am not going to open that can of worms yet if I dont have too. She is just so moody here lately and complains of headaches and stomach aches. I know she is not sick. The headaches and stomach aches she complains about are not too often, but I just wonder if they are a sign of things to come. I just want to hear some of your experiences with your daughters and this lovely period of time we call puberty.
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  #2  
Unread 07-12-2005, 08:39 PM
Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter.

Here are some helpful links:

http://www.iwannaknow.org/puberty/girls.html

http://www.kotex.com/na/info/period/becoming.asp

http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/phpAd...&target=_blank

  #3  
Unread 07-16-2005, 11:03 AM
Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter.

Hi!

I have a 12 year old daughter. She hasn't started her dreaded monthly visitor yet, but many of her friends have.

At the age of 10, my daughter and son for that matter , would ask me what those "pads" were for every time a commercial for hygiene products came on the TV! My response was always, "I'll tell you when you are older!". Their curiosity was constant. So, I decided to give them just a short explanation. Nothing too detailed. It was usually enough to keep them quiet for a while.

Then in grades 5, 6 and 7, here in Canada, they get Sexual Education classes that explain to them properly and at their level, what all this stuff is about. Then, I made myself available to them if they had any questions. I have always been open with my kids about sex, puberty, sexual diseases, etc. I didn't want the subjects to be taboo like they were when I was growing up.

It depends on the maturity of your child. If you feel she is ready to discuss a little bit about the topic, then you can get a book to help you along. There are some great books out there that explain things at the kids level and it makes it easier for the parents too.

Good luck with the "talk"! I hated the thought of it, but realized that the more open and honest I was with it all, the better off my kids were. They were going to find out anyways, either through school or just in general conversations with her girlfriends. I just wanted to make sure they knew they could come to me with any doubts, questions, etc.

Best wishes,

Sarah
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  #4  
Unread 07-16-2005, 04:25 PM
Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter.

I think my daughter is mature enough for me to let her in on some of the secrets of womanhood. When I had my hyst. last summer, she was curious as to what that was all about. I told her that mommies had a special organ/body part, that carried babies and that mommies needed to come out, and she was fine with that explanation, as was my five yr old son. I dont want this kind of subject to be taboo in our home either, like it was for me growing up. I know that she is going to hear things at school, ect ....... but I want her to feel like she can come to me with any questions. I am going to see if I can find a good book with to help with the explanation.
  #5  
Unread 07-16-2005, 09:51 PM
Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter.

I don't have any kids, but I am young enough to remember being that age and being curious about changes in my body. Now that I am older and I look back at how my mom handled this whole talk - I can say I wish she would have just come out with it!
I think if you sit down with your daughter with a medical drawing/book that explains the female body in a professional/tasteful manner and you make it a special time for just you and your daughter you will be able to explain how her body will work each month (beautifully and naturally). She will have a good base of understanding, she will feel like she can come talk to you with "other' questions and if a solid foundation is explained in the beginning the sex talk will be easier when you feel the time is right.
I think a lot of kids don't get answers at home so they ask their friends (male and female) and information gets all messed up. Girls especially need to know how wonderful their bodies are so that they cherish there bodies once peer pressure starts.
  #6  
Unread 07-17-2005, 11:39 AM
Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter.

My daughter turned 13 in June. From the time she was about 10 I began telling her about what was going to happen to her body. The conversation started because I am large breasted and she wanted to know if she was "gonna get boobs too". I kind of took this opening to explain to her in general terms, wheat she could expect. My MIL had a fit when DD asked her is she was in menapause! Now that she is 13 I have found that she is confident about her own womanhood and she is not suprised about any of the things that have happened to her, ie. breasts, pubic hair, cramps, period, etc. She has just now started asking questions about sex, and I intend to take the same approach. I want her to be knowledgable about her sexuality, but to also realize that it is a very private and personal subject.
  #7  
Unread 07-18-2005, 01:49 PM
Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter.

Hi,
Have you ever read "Are you there God, It's me, Margaret" by Judy Blume?
I read this book in my preteen years and it was a gentle way of discussing the desire to develop as fast as everyone else and stuff your bra and lie about getting your period -even though you're not sure exactly what that is.....It's written on a preteen level. If your daughter's a reader it may help ease into the conversation. I bet she's getting a lot of information (or misinformation) from friends. I know I did at that age IMHO it would be better to put your own spin on it asap.
  #8  
Unread 07-18-2005, 11:47 PM
Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter.

The American Girl book series has one that I think is called The Care and Feeding of You which is very helpful. My DD just turned 10 last week, and we've noticed breast buds already -- one of the Tanner stages that tell us that it's only a matter of time now!

Unfortunately, before my hyst I had horrendous periods, blood everywhere, and my DD pretty much "got it," She too is quite mature, and I've always answered her questions clearly, in part by asking her what her understanding is before launching into any detailed explanations. She did ask THE question at the age of eight. When I asked her how she understood it, she was pretty accurate -- she'd figured it out for herself, pretty much.

We've always preached openness about answering questions and responsibility, that sex and boyfriends, etc. involved a LOT of responsibility because they had such significant consequences (such as babies, disease, etc.). This was not to scare her, nor has it. She does seem to understand that mom and dad had to have sex to have her -- but so far she's not in any hurry, thank goodness! In fact, she seems to be really annoyed at the whole puberty thing, since it means she has to be more careful now about hygiene and wearing a trainer "bra" so nipples don't show under clothes, etc.

I just pray it doesn't happen too soon to her. I had such a horrendous time from day One, and she has some extra risk factors from adhesions due to three intestinal surgeries. I don't wish any more pain on my daughter!

Anyway, the AG book was very helpful and written to a very age-appropriate level, complete with excellent illustrations. Now, if she would only READ the darn thing (although she is an excellent reader, she hates to read -- means sitting down and she's allergic to that, if you know what I mean ).

It is SOOO not easy...



Audrey
  #9  
Unread 07-19-2005, 08:28 PM
Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter.

Its funny that you guys metioned those two books, I bought them both today at Barnes and Noble!!!! My daughter is a reader and I thought those two books would be an easy way to start "the talk." She knows that there is no Santa Clause, ect ..... and she took that well, so I think she will take hearing about periods, ect. well also. I just want her to always feel like she can come to me with any questions, concerns, ect ...... We have been homeschooling for the past two years, so Im fairly sure she hasnt gotten too much mis-information. However, she is going back to school this year, so I want to head off any mis-guided info she may get there. She is at camp this week, but I will let you guys know how "the talk" goes.

Thank you all so much!!!!
Leigh
  #10  
Unread 07-22-2005, 10:34 AM
Puberty and my 10 yr old daughter.

Four daughters here, My advice to you is hurry up and have the talk. Believe me her friends already are "talking". My task doing this is easier as she is not "clueless" due to her friends, her sisters, TV (even the commercials) and my surgery. Actually this started when she was two, and kinda accompanied me to the restroom. (so I could keep an eye on her)

She discovered the pads, and we called it "mommies diapers"!! Told her it was "our secret".

I was always honest, just be honest according to age. But make sure you attach no "bad names" that conjur up total dread, or fear. I called it a period. Period. I did tell them it would hurt sometimes. I did tell them not to be scared, and to be prepared.

As she got older, I explained the physical process. I compared it to losing skin, or hair like they were learning in Health class. The "renewal" of the nest for the baby. I also always emphasized that this would allow them to have babies, and was worth the trouble. BE real clear about "bleeding". Tell them it will be blood and will look like blood, but to not panic, it is natural.

The sex part of that went on hold till much later. Or until they asked.

Don't JUST give them a book and expect them to get or retain the relevant part or not STILL be confused. They need YOU to tell them, to believe it.

Learned that with one the hard way ONCE.

I just wish mom's of boys would emphasize to their boys, how natural this is for girls when they are this age. It doesn't make them weak or weird. YOU might start by asking them if the other boys or girls are talking about this or if they were curious but afraid to ask or if they are both and want the facts.

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT leave this all up to DAD unless you know what he is going to say. Tell it from your perspective as a woman, too. This will help your sons, later in life to respect, understand, and to treat women better and you can't start too soon before other "bratty boys" make an impression on them. Tell them this makes women special, not inferior to boys.

Remind them this is a private talk and therefore shouldn't be talked about at school, but kept at home. (some brag about what they know, boys and girls and then everyone is confused. )

Tell them you will be willing to answer all questions anytime they want to know privately, if you can, and if you can't you will get back to them with the answer.

Take time around Second or third grade to tell them to be careful not to bump girls in the chest, tease them about their bodies, or make fun of the way girls bodies are changing. Tell them not to tease, or "talk about it" in ugly ways, or to think it is gross, but that it makes women women.

Stress to them (boys and girls) that it is kinda scary and weird, but natural.

Since boys changes often aren't as VISIBLE, or come later on I think boys should be told too, about these changes in girls asap 2nd third grade, maybe less info that the girls need, but tell the boys to act thoughtfully and respectfully toward girls, at ALL times.

INFORM and Instruct them that this difference is not a cause for ridicule towards the girls. That it doesn't make them inferior, but special, brave and just different.

Tell them that their female classmates may be more sensitive, or maybe act different than their usual selves during this time. Tell older boys to not be too inqusitive about why girls don't swim sometimes. This could be why, and it would embarass the girl. Tell them NOT to snap or draw attention to "bras".

I remember feeling, and my girls do to, how boys were so crude and mean about this stuff. Maybe if we start THERE, some of the later "hurtful" stuff men do would stop.
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