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Scared to Death Scared to Death

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  #1  
Unread 09-14-2005, 10:28 PM
Scared to Death

I want to thank all the hyster sisters for all the encouragement & support because I would have been crazy by now instead of semi-crazy! I went for my chest x-ray & cat scan yesterday & I have to say it was the worst experience I've ever had. There was a cancer patient who was alone & seemed pretty desperate. I fought the urge to break down by pretending I'm not really there-if that makes any sense. When it was my turn to go for my scan, she was getting ready to leave.I said bye to her & wished her good luck.Then she asked me if I had cancer & I said "no"! First of all my husband was there & I haven't told him yet & second I'm still in denial myself I guess. By not telling anybody it's not as "real" to me & I can function normally. I try to cope day to day & I know that if I would tell my husband & family, their reaction would simply destroy me. I'm so scared of receiving more bad new-my results! I don't think I could handle any more bad news. Does anybody know how long it takes hyperplasia to turn into cancer? I want to calculate how long I may have been sick & not known it. I'm so scared it may be too late for me & I'm horrified. If I ask my gyno to refer me to a gyno/oncologist won't that affect the date of my already schelduled surgery? Won't my doctor be offended that I want someone else to operate? What if she tells me to go look on my own-then what? And why hasn't she suggested I see a specialist? Isn't that odd? Please help someone.
P.S. I really live in Montreal & not Sorel-It was part of my "secret identity".
Mori
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  #2  
Unread 09-14-2005, 10:59 PM
Scared to Death

Mori,

When I found out I had cancer, I didn't want to tell anybody either- especially my family. But it's so difficult to go through this alone. And it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of me when I did share. The last thing you want to do is go around hiding things when your already emotionally on end. I found tremendous strength and courage through my family. And although it makes me sad that they have to share the burden of the diagnosis with me, I think they would have been very upset if I didn't tell them.

In terms of hyperplasia... is this endometrial hyperplasia? It usually takes a while for it to become cancer. So you have something positive here- you did good. You caught something early on before it became worse. A lot of cancers go unnoticed and you feel well because it isn't until they get large enough that they start causing symptoms. That's why there's always a push to detect things early, because the earlier you can catch things, the better you will be.

You sound like a very unselfish person. You are worried about everyone elses feelings- your family, your doctor and not your own! You need to focus on you and do what is best for you! It is very appropriate to ask your doctor "what has your experience been with dealing with patients like me" and if you really want to see someone else "i would feel more comfortable seeing a gynecologist-oncologist for a second opinion" Believe me, if it was your doctor in the same situation, they would be asking the same questions to their provider! A good doctor won't take these questions personally. And so what if they do? It's your life.

My gyn/onc encouraged me to contact other gyn/oncs about my case. He made his recommendations and then I asked others about what they would do. And he was happy to discuss all the different opinions that I got. He didn't feel threatened at all by it. If anything he enjoyed the discussions we had. He's an excellent surgeon and knows his stuff, so he didn't feel offended or threatened by other opinions because he knows he's good and he's here to help me.

It's hard to wait for test results. Waiting is always the worst part. But you most likely may be worrying for nothing. I suspect that if you are just dealing with hyperplasia, all your tests should be normal. You have to take each thing one at a time. For me, my war is against cancer and along the way there have been many battles. Try to fight the battles and don't get overwhelmed by the war. If you win enough battles, you win the war.

I really think, drawing from my own experiences, that you should share with your husband, family, someone that you are closest to. Once you share with one person it becomes easier to share with more. And the more you talk about it, the more you come to terms with things. Being in denial won't help although it's usually our first step to acceptance.

I'm confident that things will go well for you. Be strong and focus on you. And if you're religious, a little prayer won't hurt.

Take care and best of luck to you.
millie
  #3  
Unread 09-14-2005, 11:11 PM
Scared to Death

Mori,
You won't believe how relieved you'll feel once you start sharing your
distress. The 1st time is the worst and then it gets easier and easier.
If you think about it, that's what family and friends are for. Would
you want someone you love to go through something like this alone?
Pearl
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  #4  
Unread 09-14-2005, 11:17 PM
Hey MillieB,

I Don't have endometrial hyperplasi-I have endometrial adenocarcinoma but I beleive it starts off as hyperplasia & I wanted to know how long that takes so I could try to figure out how long I may have had it without knowing. As far as telling my family -I simply can't & what good would it do anyway? I see they're already crushed that I'll be having a hysterectomy & I have no kids! Life's a *****! Today I went to visit & saw the sadness in everyones eyes & how they're avoiding me because they can't deal with it-imagine they knew it was "cancer". I'm still in denial myself!
Mori.
  #5  
Unread 09-14-2005, 11:44 PM
Scared to Death

Mori,

It's so hard to say how long something has been going on. Like for me, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer and my oncologist speculates I may have had it for 8-9 years! I did have symptoms of irregular bleeding and spotting, and I saw my doc annually- they just never thought endometrial cancer could happen in a 30 year old I guess! So it wasn't until it had progressed and I was bleeding so much that finally I had a d+c and got diagnosed.

That being said, overall the survival for uterine cancer is 90-95% because it is caught early. Hopefully if your cancer is an early one, then surgery will be the cure for you.

I was 30 years old, single, and no kids when I got the news. It was tough telling my parents because I knew how badly they wanted to have grandkids. And I was heartbroken as well. But I realized that my family loves me and wants for me to be healthy and live a good life. Yeah, it ***** not being able to have kids, but you have your life to live! And you will survive and get through this, and it will get better.

I realized too that being a mother is more than sharing half the genes. And unfortunately there are many children out there that need a mother. So perhaps when the time is right, this may be a consideration for you. And if your cancer is early, ? maybe they could harvest some eggs and have them fertilized and frozen for surrogate later? There are options for you. Yeah, you won't have the opportunity to feel your boobies get large, and get bloated and have cravings and be in pain delivering, but you'll have something that's so special- your life. And you will survive and do incredible things with your life.

I think to this day I still have moments of denial. There are days when I wake up and think, what an awful dream that was! But then I think, yeah, it could be worse. God has given me another day and I'm going to live! No one knows what each day will bring them. You can't live in fear or with regret. Be a fighter. It will get easier with each passing day.

And I think people are sad because they love you and don't want to see you suffer. And I wonder how much they are avoiding you... it sounds like you may be avoiding them as well.

You'll know when the time is right for you to share. And I'm confident that your family will be right there behind you all the way.

-millie
  #6  
Unread 09-15-2005, 07:57 PM
Scared to Death

Mori,
You need support and if you become anything like I was pre-op when I had a highly suspect cancer dx, you will be acting differently and at the least your husband will be confused and worried. Also, it may prove difficult if impossible to keep this from especially him as for example, a nurse or doctor may easily mention the cancer dx (if only to say how wonderful the operation was the cure, etc) while you're in the hospital. Also, what if they call re the CT scan results and he answers,etc. It is a precarious and difficult web to weave. You owe it to yourself to share this with your soulmate; if you like ask him to respect your wishes that at least for now others not be told.
I understand that endometrial cancer may take years to develop. If I recall correctly in an earlier post you said your doctor said your cancer was a stage1, and as another has mentioned, the cure for an early stage endometrial cancer often is the surgery alone.
Re consulting with a gyn/onc, perhaps it is different in Canada but in the US the gyn/oncs are the real experts when it comes to gyn cancers and they usually perform this surgery. Pls don't let your desire to hide your cancer keep you from seeing a gyn/onc. Any good doctor should not feel offended if a patient wants to consult with a specialist; as another said, that is what they themselves would do if they were in such a situation.
I wish you good CTscan results and hope you open up to at least your husband soonest. Pls let us know how you are doing.
I am keeping you in thought and to see you through these difficult times.
s, peggiesue
  #7  
Unread 09-15-2005, 10:57 PM
Scared to Death

Hi MilliieB,
Thanks so much for the support & encouragement. I was touched by your story, being single when you were diagnosed with no kids. I guess we share that in common & it's comforting to know I'm not the only one with no kids having a hysterectomy & facing cancer. As far as harvesting eggs, I don't think that at age 44 it is recomended. I was contemplating using donor eggs to try & conceive before this final blow of fate. I admire your courage & positive outlook & hope I have the courage to be as strong. Right now I'm terrified because I went for my chest x-ray & cat scan yesterday, & my doctor called to see me tommorrow with the results. My cat scan results aren't in yet so it's for the x-ray & for any questions I may have before surgery. I'm going to ask why I haven't been refered to a gyno/oncologist & hope my doctor isn't offended. I'm so scared I'm going to get more bad news-that the cancer has spread to the lungs & then I know I'm a gonner! Prey for me MillieB & God Bless You.
Mori
  #8  
Unread 09-16-2005, 03:10 AM
Scared to Death

Mori,
Please use this appointment to ask for a referral to a gyn/oncologist. And be sure to let us know what happens.
Best wishes and big hugs,
Janie
  #9  
Unread 09-16-2005, 06:22 AM
Scared to Death

I 100% support the suggestion that, if you can, get a gyn/onc in on this. If, indeed, you have early stage cancer (and it sounds as if that is the case, from how I read your posts) I'd want to have the experts doing the surgery, even if it does mean a slight delay in surgery. In my case, both the diagnosing gyn and the gyn/onc wanted to do a Total Abdominal Hysterectomy plus the BSO (it's in the glossary.) During the surgery, the gyn/onc looked every-which-way-from Sunday to detect any stray cancer cells. They took an abdominal wash, carefully visually inspected my innards, took lymph nodes to determine whether the cancer had gotten into the lymph system (which is an agent for spreading the disease), etc. I know that gyn/oncologists are far more experienced with surgery in these cases.

I agree with other opinions, so reasonably presented, that there are many benefits of having at least one other person you're close to you as a confidant in this matter. It's a huge burden to bear all alone.

I'll pray for your peace of mind and an optimistic outcome from your surgery.
  #10  
Unread 09-16-2005, 07:16 PM
Hi Mori,

I'm also in Montreal!

I'm sorry about what you're going through - but I really think you should have a gyno/oncologist either perform the surgery or be present. Don't be afraid to share your fears with your husband and loved ones. It's hard to have to keep all your emtions to yourself. You don't need the extra stress and could sure use the support.

I'm praying for you and sending you lots of s.
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