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Embarrassed and ashamed . . . . Embarrassed and ashamed . . . .

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Unread 10-02-2005, 09:41 AM
Embarrassed and ashamed . . . .

jmw, I am so sorry you've had all this, you deserve a
pity party! I have had 4 surgeries in 4 years, last surgery
was for enterocele repair, and now having rectal problems, and am in a lot of pain. I had a severe vaginal
infection after one of my surgeries, and my Dr. let me
go 9 mo.s with the thing saying nothing showed up on
the wet mount, finally did a culture, and had heavy
overgrowth of ebactor, and went on to have several
cultures come back the same, but the result was about
3 mo.s of antibiotics because the bacteria had set up
house keeping in there. What I was wondering was if
you got your yeast under control. I have had the vagina
from Hell, and don't know how much the yeast has had
to do with it, and it is better now, but sometimes I wonder if I have the systematic yeast, and I understand
it can cause all kind of problems. I also wondered if you have pain with your enterocele and rectocele, I have been in terrible pain with mine. I am just afraid to have anymore surgeries for fear of them messing up
something else, like my bladder which so far has been
ok. And it seems like the prolapses just keep happening
over and over. I have heard something about Prolift, that is something that is suppose to help hold up everything, have you or anybody heard of this? I sure know how you feel about peoples attitude about our
continueing problems, the pain tolerance thing, and all
in your head, and it really hurt my feelings. One of my biggest
fears is to be a burden on someone, I just don't say any
thing about it at work anymore, people just don't understand. I hate to complain after I hear stories like
yours and the other girls that posted, sounds like you've
had a really tough time, try to hang in there. Good luck
to all of you.
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Unread 10-02-2005, 10:18 AM
Embarrassed and ashamed . . . .

When I saw the title of your post, I thought ... interesting .. scandal on the Road? Perhaps I watched too much TV in my youth. Ya think?

Nothing to be embarrassed about in your post. You are just playing the hand you have been dealt in the best way you can and that is certainly NOTHING to be ashamed of. I hope that you are feeling emotionally better about this and I hope you will take comfort that you are not alone.

Do take care and keep us posted! Being on the Road can be an uplifting experience.

Unread 10-02-2005, 02:56 PM
Embarrassed and ashamed . . . .

Hello sisters
I too was mislead my the title Michelle! (Hope you and (((((((Mel))))))))))are recovering well ).

I just wanted to say "Here Here" regarding other people's attitudes to our health problems. I had tah/bso in Oct 2003, returned to work for 3 months, sick leave, returned to work, sick leave again and so on and so forth! Each time I return I have another episode of my problems to tell. You just can't keep repeating it all. And worst of all, they haven't a bloomin' clue what we are on about! "Whats that?" "Where is that?" And some strange expressions to go!
I am sending lots of to you all. For you are all so brave. I feel so humbled at all of your suffering but somehow comforted in a way too.
I won't relate my history but I do understand the frustration of getting one thing fixed only to discover another problem.
This website has been a lifesaver and definitely a sanitysaver to me on more than a few occasions.
It also gives me hope to see so many sisters getting off the highway but sitting on the sidewalk to help us who are still on the road.
Thank you everyone.
Hugs to all

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Unread 10-03-2005, 12:18 AM
Embarrassed and ashamed . . . .

Michelle and Auntie Sue ~ Thank you for your encouragement . . . . I know I shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed, but I'm having a hard time not feeling that way with everyone's comments. I'm dealing with this current surgery and people mean well BUT . . . do you know how many times just in this last week I've had people say, "hopefully this time they will get you all fixed." WELL, I know that's not going to happen . . . . and it's not like I can tell them that I'm not getting better because I'm having problems pooping and peeing so I just smile and say, "I hope so too." I'm really starting to get concerned about this problem with the bulges. Last week I had to clean myself out after several days of constipation and now it has been 5 days again and all I have gone is two small pebbles last night SORRY I know! And I've also noticed that It feels like I'm having to push more to get my bladder empty (which I think is either from the constipation or the bulges pressing on my bladder wrong ). So I'm worried that it's going to put pressure on the bladder repairs also, which would not be good after all the bladder issues I went through! I'm very concerned, but for the moment can't really even look into this issue as I'm preparing for this other surgery in a week . . . . there's just no time to be adding other doctor visits in.

Slt ~ Sorry to hear of all you've been through too. The rectocele/enterocele issues are depressing and scary, arent' they? My URO encouraged me to have the rectocele repair with my hysterectomy, but GYN said since it was mild he felt I didn't need to have it done at the time. He was concerned that intercourse might be painful for me afterwards. Well, I've been with him along time and decided to go the conservative route. Now I'm having the painful intercourse anyway (not sure if it's the rectocele or yeast problems ). And the constipation issue has gotten much worse. I'm really not sure whether I have a rectocele and enterocele or just the rectocele getting larger? URO said if I didn't repair the rectocele I was more at risk for needing the repair in the first 6-12 months because of the bladder repairs I had. When I asked GYN about it, he said I would be more at risk for an enterocele? So now do I have both? All I know is I'm having a horrible time with BM's and there is this huge bulge in my rectal area when I'm going and I have to splint to get it out. And it never feels like I've totally emptied. I haven't heard of Prolift, but don't think I'd tolerate it well. I've never done well with having things in me, whether it was tampon, catheter, stent (another long story), etc. As far as the yeast, it's taking a long time to get out of my system. I've taken the Diflucan for a month and a half. Just added the Nystatin also. I still have a lot of the symptoms . . . . some days better then others . . . . I think the yeast was just with me far too long and since I've been dealing with the other health issues (severe reflux and lots of weight loss) it's just taking time as I've been compromised for so long. What kind of symtoms are you experiencing re:yeast? You definitely should ask your doctor to check for the yeast issue if you think it's gone systemic . . . you really don't want this stuff brewing too long.

Unread 10-03-2005, 07:19 AM
Embarrassed and ashamed . . . .

Well, we do understand the uncertain nature of being on the Road. We do all hope that you will find your off ramp to Wellness, and sooner than later.

You seem very discouraged and that is only natural. Please know that negative thoughts are not helping your recovery. Please try and focus on one small positive thing that can help carry you through all of this, even if it is something so small as the sisters who are praying for you on the Road. Feel our caring for you and our well wishes. Let that help sustain you through the tough days and give you courage to continue on your journey.

Hey, I'm an aquarius and I really believe in positive energy! Write yourself a positive note and put it somewhere that you will see it regularly.

WE DO CARE!!! As a good friend of mine says "peace and love, sister!"

Unread 10-03-2005, 02:54 PM
Embarrassed and ashamed . . . .

Hi jml
I understand how you feel. It's awful when there's more than one part of you needs tending to, and sometimes there is no choice to which is dealt with first. Michelle is wise, you need to try and stay positive. I realise it's hard when you have surgery coming up to think about anything else, but you have to keep on trying. Take this time to rest up and focus on getting yourself as healthy as possible for your operation.
Keep on posting too, we clever ladies have found ourselves a little goldmine in this site.
Sending you lots of s and
Unread 10-05-2005, 12:13 AM
Embarrassed and ashamed . . . .

We ALL deserve a pity party every now and then and you have definately come to the right place. In no way, shape or form will we ever judge you or second guess you.
Vent away!!!! Sending tons of hugs and prayers to you in hopes that you find answers and peace very very soon.

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