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Still scared! Still scared!

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  #1  
Unread 03-31-2001, 09:47 PM
Still scared!

Ok they say it's all gone but I can't stop thinking about it!I was told I had micro invasive cancer of the cervix after having the cone biopsy.I had a TVH done and it came back clean.He said they must have gotten it all in the cone.So why am I still worried.I can't seem to let it go.I am to go back for a pap every 4 mths for the next year.I didn't have to have cemo or radiation and so I should be fine right!So why can't I let it go.I'm so scared they missed something but my Dr says I'm fine.So why do I have this dreaded feeling somethings not right? Is this normal? Have any of you done this? I should be so happy I mean I have done really well with the surgery and should be relieved that it's over but I can't seem to let it go.So many of you are going through so much more and I should be thankful I don't have to but I can't stop thinking about it.I mean how do I know for sure that it's all gone and it didn't hide somewhere in the limphnodes or something. Have any of you had this happen.I can't talk to my DH I don't want to scare him for no reason and well my friends well they don't seem to understand my fears.All everyone seems to say is your so lucky it's all gone.But how do I know it is.Why can't I see it that way? I should be so happy to get the all clear but I can't stop thinking about it.Has anyone else gone through this or am I just going crazy.I know it feels like it.As you can tell by the time I'm not sleeping well these days and not really dealling with things well either to be completly honest.Any input on the subject from someone thats been there would help alot even if it's a kick in the pants!At this point anything would help.Sorry this is so long I guess I'm venting alittle.
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  #2  
Unread 03-31-2001, 10:21 PM
Still scared!

{{{{Notexcited}}}}

I totally understand. I had lymph node removal and they were all clear all the pathology came back that they had gotten it all ( I did still have some when I had my hyst, cone didn't get all of mine) dr said no radiation or chemo and I was so excited then I got to thinking maybe they missed something and I started getting scared. Started thinking maybe I should have tried to get the other treatments just in case and I had the hyst to try and avoid radiation but your mind does start working overtime sometimes. I just kept reminding myself that I completely trust my gyn/oncologist and he takes very good care of his patients and I feel alot better about it. Still nervous about it coming back somewhere but I will go for my 3 month checkups for the next 5 years and not let it consume me. If it comes back then I will deal with it but I won't let it ruin my life now. Hang in there we are tougher than we think we are. We really are the lucky ones our surgery took care of it for us.
  #3  
Unread 04-01-2001, 06:29 AM
Still scared!

Hi not excited, well the word cancer is a scary thing to have around you and in your life. But you must take a deep breath and positively think that all those awful cells have gone Sometimes it can totally consume your life. Just say even if there was a cell or two there , then in your next pap they would be discovered and the dr would treat them. You say micro invasive, that is what mine is, it is so small that it is not possible to be detected by a cat scan only on a microscope , usually in first 2mm of tissue . But yours has all gone.Don't let cancer be a part of your life. !!! I know it is scary but when you need any support please come back here and just let us know and we will be here for you, sending lots of love from way down under x x
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  #4  
Unread 04-01-2001, 06:41 AM
Still scared!

Hi Notexcited!!
Wow..you really have yourself in a state by the sounds of your post. Been there done that for sure.

Your feelings are perfectly normal. When I had my ultrasound when they first found the tumor, I was totally convinced it was spread throughout all my organs and they were just not telling me.

I am sure they checked you well, and don't forget you are having regular checkups and they will watch you very well.

I have markers in the blood that will tell them if mine is back so they will check me every 3 months, and that along with the blood tests will tell them if mine is back.

I was just like you for quite awhile after my chemo finished. Wondering how they know they got it all, and what if there was a little nasty cell hiding out somewhere. But thats what the checkups and blood tests are for.

Try not to let it consume your every thought. It certainly sounds like they did get it all, and you have to believe that as experts they know their stuff. It gets easier every day.

Best of luck, hugs and prayers.
M. xo.
  #5  
Unread 04-01-2001, 02:54 PM
Thanks for the support

Well I don't know if it's normal but it really helps to know I'm not the only one that has been through this.I used to think I was so strong and could deal with anything.But boy that C word is still tough for me to get out!Well now if anything else I now know this is something I'm going to have to ask for help on! There is a first time for everything, maybe that's the lesson I'm supposed to learn.It just helps knowing you ladies are there for me I can't thank you enough.This site has been a life saver for me when ever I need help there you are. I guess I'm so used to handling things on my own I forgot how to ask for help.I'm not going to lie this thing has sent me realing. It helps just to be able to vent but being able to talk to women that have been through it helps more than words can say!I guess once again it's the fear of the unknown that I'm having problems with.BUT I AM WORKING ON IT! I just have to remind myself it's one day at a time and I'm lucky to have it.Thanks again for your support .I promise I will do better dealing with this.But don't be suprised to hear from me again.Hopefully in a better frame of mind.But just in case thanks in advance for listening!
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