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Anyone else with a gifted child? Anyone else with a gifted child?

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  #1  
Unread 09-27-2005, 10:00 PM
Unhappy - Anyone else with a gifted child? Anyone else with a gifted child?

I know that I am very lucky to have such a smart little girl....BUT:

She is very hard to live with! I've been reading up a little on gifted kids (my DD is 6 with an IQ off the charts), and have found that many of them are emotionally intense and very disorganized. That would be putting it lightly!

My DD has some sort of meltdown at just about every transition, *never* stops talking, starts many projects that are very creative and very messy and doesn't finish anything, and literally will just drop something on the floor when she's done with it. Doesn't occur to her to close the fridge door, can never find her shoes, etc.

She is the perfect angel at school (although her teacher reports that she has some "organization problems" ), and all the other moms just love her, because she is polite and articulate. At home, she is very bossy, constantly interrupting and has to be directed to get *anything* finished.

For example, I just told her to do a page of homework. "Where is it?" On the crafts table where it always is. "Where is my pencil?" How the #$$%^@ should I know?! "Where is the pencil sharpener? I'm really good at sharpening new pencils." In the drawer where we always keep it. I've just told her that I'm going to come back in 5 minutes to check on her, because she will probably forget what she's doing and start another project.

She made 5 bags of pretend donations for the Hurricane Katrina kids. We are still looking for our extra toothbrushes, wash cloths, her shoes, hair clips, etc.

I would think she may have ADHD, except that she's just fine at school. I know that a lot of her behavior at home is to get attention, but I can also tell that a lot of it isn't. We *try* to be consistent, but frankly, she's so tiring that I can't say we do a very good job! Everything is such a battle with her!

It's taken me about 20 minutes to write this post because she's interrupted me so many times. Then I start yelling, because I feel so frustrated. It's like I don't have any room to think! I feel like I started losing my own brain cells by the handful the day she was born.

Anyone else with a kid like this? Any suggestions? BTW, her brother (18 mos younger) is also very smart, but not gifted. His personality is so much more easygoing...so it can't just be our parenting skills (or lack there of).

Thanks!



Margot
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  #2  
Unread 09-27-2005, 11:48 PM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

My oldest son had IQ testing at a younger age and was found to be gifted. However, he was then diagnosed with ADHD for sure and still unsure what else might be lurking beneath the surface. Academically he's always at the top, but socially he really struggles. He's a very loving child who prefers the company of adults but still likes to have other kids to play with. Unfortunately he tends to stand out because of his behaviors and so the friends are few. It breaks my heart. Right now we are really struggling with school as he has little to no impulse control and cannot keep his hands to himself. He has to have a paraprofessional with him during any unstructured time and he is eating lunch in a different area. He knows why things have to be this way for now but it does not make it any easier.

We always have to make sure we use a quiet amd calm tone with him or nothing will get accomplished. But, after you've had to repeat yourself a number of times it gets hard to maintain that tone.

Getting your child tested for ADD/ADHD woudn't be a bad idea. At least you could rule it out if she doesn't have it and a professional might have some advice. Therapists are always good for advice too. Good luck, you're not alone!
  #3  
Unread 09-28-2005, 12:14 AM
sounds like a ditto of my dd

My dd, now 10, is very simililar to yours. She is enrolled in a g&t public school that began at 3rd grade, she tops out on all the standardized tests and easily reads with understanding at a 10th grade level. The school has loads of projects that help channel her energy and time at home; however, we have also found that she loves theatre. She's been involved with local playgroups for five years now. Sometimes she just takes extra curricular acting classes. We also keep her very busy with other social and recreational groups...like scouts, swimming lessons and dance classes. Not overly scheduled but just enough to keep her from driving us nuts! We are really trying to point out the common sense misses, like flushing and door closing and organizational skills so she can be more aware of them as they arise. It's all very typical of g&t people.
Good luck...things will get better as she matures.
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  #4  
Unread 09-28-2005, 01:35 AM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

My son also has been very bright, we call him the "absent-minded professor" because he writes beautifully & is very advanced in math...but forgets his lunch box 2 or 3 times a week. He wakes up early to read, but is rushed to get ready for school. My daughter also is bright, she tends to be bossier than my son (they are twins). Both go through what we have term'd "eb & flows" and they take turns as to who is ebbing & who is flowing. We just try to be very consistant & gently push them in the right direction. They are very competitive, so we have them in separate classes to deal with that issue.
  #5  
Unread 09-28-2005, 06:11 AM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

Sounds like classic ADHD. These kids are highly intelligent in many aspects and seem to struggle in other areas. Not finishing tasks is a classic sign. Forgetting things is another, get to your pediatrician.
  #6  
Unread 09-28-2005, 07:20 AM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

Wow, you could be talking about my daughter! She is 8 1/2, and I just 5 min ago watched her run after the bus yet again because she can't seem to get to the bus on time. Amazingly, on the two days we overslept, she had only 15 min to get up and get ready and somehow she made it easier than if she got up an hour early! Maybe I should do that on a regualar basis, but it makes me crazy.
She is also in the gifted program at school. Her teachers tell me she is a model student, just a little "organizationally challenged". When you walk into the class, you can immediatly tell where she sits by all the stuff hanging out everywhere! She is also very lazy and will only do the bare minimum. She has all these grand ideas, just like your daughter, like selling lemonade and cookies for Katrina victims, and when I was in the hospital for my TVH she painted artwork and sold it in the neighborhood for a local children's hospital.
All I can say is that as crazy as she makes me, I try to remember that as she grows up, I will probably remember all the special and interesting things she did rather than leaving her towel, shoes, socks, etc all over. My other kids are not like she is, so she does require some extra patience on my part (which I am NOT!) Good luck and if you find anything that works, I would love to hear about it!

PS we are very consistent with her and it still doesn't matter, if that makes you feel any better.
  #7  
Unread 09-29-2005, 10:00 AM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

My son is now 25. School was very challenging for both of us. He is gifted verbally, but average on the performance IQ test. There is a 27 point difference in the two IQ scores. A twenty point difference or more is significant which I will explain later.
He was extremely talkative with a vocabulary unknown to most of the other children. He also was very disorganized and would hyperfocus on things that interested him. However, he easily became bored and would tune out to things that did not interest him like math.
My son would always forget books, homework, and even forget to take in completed assignments. He was and continues to be very messy and disorganized; can't find anything.
We had him tested in the fifth grade, and after paying all of the money, he said the tests were inconclusive. GREAT. Fast forward to his junior year in high school, I had a written report from the math tutor, the previous psychological, his current grades, and discussed his
behavior with a developmental pediatrician. He diagnosed my son with ADD and started medication. It helped tremendously.
My son went away to college and refused to take any more medication. The first year was great, and then he went into a downward spiral. Again, we had him tested by a psychologist. This
time she said that our son did not seem to have ADD. How in the world could she tell since they were on a 1:1??? However, with the
27 point difference between verbal and performance IQ, she diagnosed him with a Non-verbal learning disability which is a neurological disorder. This is the reason he is so disorganized, has trouble with peers since he cannot read any facial cues, and he talks
constantly because he must verbalize everything to understand any
new concept. He thinks and learns by verbalizing which can be annoying to teachers and peers. The psychologist said that a Non-verbal learning disability presents many of the same symptoms as
ADD.
It took time and alot of detours, but he did graduate from college with a B.S. I did alot of research to learn as much as possible about
gifted, ADD, and non-verbal learning disability. I was his advocate
throughout school.
Good luck. I really think that the gifted kids can be quite challenging to rear, but they can be quite charming and intellectually stimulating to keep you on your toes.
  #8  
Unread 09-29-2005, 12:27 PM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

Thanks so much, everyone!

It's so nice to know I'm not alone. I was a little bit hesitant to post about problems with gifted children. It kind of feels like one of those things you are supposed to be really proud of, not complain about. And, I *am* really proud of her. But, she's also extremely tiring to live with! And in our case, since she doesn't have any social or behavioral problems at school (yet!), everyone keeps telling me what a dream child she is. Well, try living with her!

We brought both of our kids to a psychologist last year. They are both extremely anxious children. My DS had extreme stranger anxiety that *never* went away until he was almost 4. He had breath holding spells...whenever he got hurt or scared, which was several times a day, he would begin to cry, and then he would cry so hard that he wouldn't take a breath in. The oxygen would get cut off to his brain, he would turn blue, his eyes would roll back and he would have a small seizure. Several times a day! And all it would take would be some nice old lady at the grocery store looking at him, smiling and commenting on his big blue eyes. He also had a gross motor delay--didn't walk until he was 22 months old. So, we had the "Napa Infant Program" evaluate and "treat" him. Hah! Then they noticed my DD not interacting with other children, evaluated her, and told us they thought she had Aspergers Syndrome.

She *did* have sensory integration disorder--walked around with her hands over her ears all the time. She preferred the company of adults, because they were predictable and didn't run around yelling like kids. I pulled her out of that program and tried her at a normal preschool, and with a little extra attention, she ended up doing just fine and was totally prepared for kindergarten. But, this preschool wouldn't take my son, because they saw him passing out all of the time when I'd bring my DD and move more than 2 feet away from him. I can't really blame them, because it was a pretty gruesome sight, and he did need to be held when he passed out so that he wouldn't get hurt.

So, we brought him to the psychologist, who diagnosed him as "quirky." It's funny...I'd tell people about my son and they'd say, "Oh, that must be so frightening!" But, *he* was much easier to live with than my daughter! The psychologist noticed my DD's anxiety and sensory issues. He tested her IQ, and it was off the charts. But, she does have some problems with processing things. And she *is* intrusive (with adults). But, other than that, he didn't see anything majorly wrong with either one of them. So the focus became how my DH and I could cope with and handle their behavior. It was very helpful.

I *do* know that one day my DD is going to be an amazing adult! She's a very compassionate person. I think that theatre would be wonderful for her. We also try to schedule extra activities for her. I lost a friend because she criticized me for not keeping her home enough. But, these kids need extra stimulation, and their parents need a break!

Thanks again, everyone, for sharing your experiences, comments and suggestions. It was very helpful to me *and* my DH. He laughed when I read him some of the posts that sounded so much like our girl.



Margot
  #9  
Unread 09-29-2005, 02:22 PM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

I just have to comment on how alike our family seems. Besides my oldest daughter, I have another daughter and a son. My son, the youngest, is currently being evaluated for a mild form of autism. Aspergers has been mentioned. He has many "quirky" behaviors, and we are struggling to keep in in preschool (he's 2 1/2) because he has so many issues. I wonder every day if this is the day they say they can't deal with him anymore. He is very bright but has to have EVERYTHING just so. From the type of bowl, the color of his cup, the door we enter school in, the color of our car, etc. Between these two, life is exausting for me. I, too, have had friends lost because of decisions I have made about our children, but as my husband tells me, there is no practice for this, we do what we think is right regardless of what others think. We tried the theatre thing for my daughter and she just didn't have the social skills for it. But I will tell you that swimming has been so great for her. She is in a competive league and she is learning alot of lessons that carry over to school, and life in general. For her, it is enough of a team sport to give her some social outlet, but also very individual for her. Just a thought for you... I know how you feel about people thinking that "gifted" means easy and we should just be grateful. Each child has their own unique qualities, and no one "label" means easy or difficult. Even my son, who can be incredibly high maintenence, is charming and loving at times, and melts my heart. There are days I just am so thankful for my middle child, who evens things out for me (at least so far!!!) Parenting is truely a challenging job!
  #10  
Unread 10-13-2005, 04:26 PM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

Hi!

I have a DD age 10 with ADD, you are also describing her. The programme she has is that her work is 'chunked' (she can easily do it, just doesn't have the concentration span) she copes better when she can see the end of a task.
We do a lot of swimming with her, as the paediatrician recommended non competitive sports, she is becoming a graceful swimmer.
I have read up on 'grounding' kids, ie getting them to wear backpacks. It helps them know where their body is in space. My friend's son has ADHD and the teacher gave him wrist weights to wear in class, and his handwriting ability improved.
Look at prioperceptive feedback on the net.
Tennis lessons improve hand eye co~ordination, and trampolining improves balance and co~ordination too.
Hope this helps a bit!
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