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Anyone else with a gifted child? Anyone else with a gifted child?

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Unread 10-13-2005, 03:49 PM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

Sometimes these kids may also have some sort of learning disability. My younger DS is dyslexic but his IQ testing in 1st grade was very high. How's that, a kid who is very intelligent who is also in resource! My older son is also very intelligent and would not do school work because "I already showed you I know that, why do I have to do the same thing five more times?" Meanwhile, my DD would be upset if she got a grade lower than an A and would set out to do better. 3 kids with 3 different ways of approaching school, etc.

I am saying this to let you know that there can be many reasons why she behaves the way she does at home. It will take time to sort out the reasons why. In the meantime, it is very tiring.

Take Care
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Unread 10-13-2005, 05:51 PM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

Yes, it *is* very tiring! I had no idea that parenting could be this way. I had my kids at age 37 and 38, so I got a bit of a late start. I was so eager and grateful to be able to conceive a child, after not finding the right man to have kids with until I was 33. I'd watched so many of my friends have trouble with infertility and I didn't want to waste anytime. I got pregnant 3 months after we were married.

It has been an incredibly bumpy ride, to say the least. Neither of my kids napped *at all* during the day. I had to wear my DD in a sling and keep moving, or she would cry. We even tried walking in place, but she couldn't be fooled! The only way to keep her asleep during the daytime was to nurse her and then remain absolutely still after she fell asleep. I grew to love nursing, as it was the only time I got a break. And then 18 months later, along came her brother, and he was the same way! So, even if he fell asleep in my lap, I still had a young toddler to contend with. We moved to a new town 10 days before he was born, and we didn't know anyone. My DH got up at 4:30 every morning to commute to work. Those were some very long and lonely days!

I still feel a little resentful and irked when I see a new mother with her baby sleeping peacefully in a carseat, while she has lunch with a friend. I need to get over that!

It's interesting to read all of these posts and see what all can accompany high IQs. Fran, I remember doing some of that proprioceptive stuff. It was suggested to us to put a weighted blanket on our DD to help her sleep at night. She also loves our mini trampoline and can play in the water for hours.

kshhnpenn--yes, our families do sound alike! How is your son doing? Have you read the book "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron? We found it helpful.

I think that while it's important to recognize that your child has special needs, it's equally important not to overpathologize. Reading some of Brazelton's work about temperament was *extremely* helpful for me. He describes all kinds of different temperaments and what they look at a different ages. I was able to see my DD in there, and felt much better about the situation. Aspergers Syndrome, IMHO, seems to be the diagnosis du jour. Before that, it was ADHD.

Well, I've rambled on again....It's so nice to have other mothers to talk to about these things! It's hard when your child just doesn't "fit," and everyone wants to offer their opinions about what you should do.

BTW, I went to my DD's parent-teacher conference last week, and got to hear about what a dream child she is, once again. It's so hard not to find that irritating! I know that all children are different at home than they are at school...I just feel like I'm living with this child's evil twin.

Unread 10-13-2005, 08:43 PM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

Your DD sounds like a mixture of my DS and my DD

My DD is almost 10 yo, an angel at school, with friends, anywhere but home. At home, she's extremely bossy and probably while she's not treated as a little diva the way she is everywhere else This is my "normal" kid: succeeds at school, is just about average accademically, is outstanding in sports and adapts easily everywhere she goes.

My DS is now 14 and was reading at age 2, in both French andEnglish. He also excelled at math and knew all the countries and their flags... and knew all the car brands, by name... kind of: ever heard of the make "Totoya" ? We were sure that school would be a breeze for him!!!

It wasn't meant to be: from the time he was in daycare, it was obvious that he was having issues adapting to changes and to authority. School was even worse.

My DS is very gifted but also has been diagnosed with atypical Pervasive Development Disorder. This has meant that, despite being extremely gifted for accademics, he's been struggling through school. He also has symptoms of dyslexia, ADHD (which is kind of par for the course with PDD) and dysgraphia (has problems forming letters and writing legibly). So, here we, with a gifted kid having found his niche in a special program!!!

Do not automatically assume that your DD has ADHD: gifted kids tend to be, mistakenly, identified as possible ADHDers because they tend to be very active and may seem to not be able to hold their attention. In reality, they may simply be bored!!!
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Unread 10-15-2005, 12:34 AM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

I would agree with Dany..."Do not automatically assume that your DD has ADHD: gifted kids tend to be, mistakenly, identified as possible ADHDers because they tend to be very active and may seem to not be able to hold their attention. In reality, they may simply be bored!!!"

I believe boredom is a very real issue. My DS does not have ADD or ADHD, but there are times when you think he is ignoring ask him what you were saying & he rolls off exactly what the convo was about. Today my DD (they are twins) asked about something that will be on next year's political ballot here in Colorado...before I could answer, he told her what the referendum was about. Then proceeded to ask my opinion on it. I had no idea he even had heard of it.

He is a very well rounded upbeat kid. He hasn't always been perfect, but when we have little hiccups, we work it out together. I think as a society that we are too quick to jump to a pill to fix an issue, when it is more a maturity problem. My DS is a big kid, not fat...very tall for his age & people assume he is more mature than a 9 year old should be. I am not saying all kids have maturity problems, but I am saying that schools are druging kids too often. Just my thoughts.
Unread 10-15-2005, 09:57 AM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

javaqueenbee is right in that, oftentimes, gifted children may have a social and/or emotional maturity level that is very low in contrast to their intellectual maturity. That would make it even harder to discern the possibility of a learning disability, such as ADHD, from profound giftedness.

One thing I do know is that "schools" do not medicate children: medications can only be prescribed by a physician. Usually, only specialists such as neurologists or psychiatrists will prescribe meds such as Ritalin or Concerta. Of course, the evaluation for ADHD is based on a number of things, including, but not limited, to evaluations from teachers, child care providers and parents. For ADHD to be firmly diagnosed you need to have at 11 or the 14 ADHD characteristics to be consistently and persistantly present. That means, in short, that the behaviors need to be present in more than one setting (at home, at school, in Church, at daycare, etc.) and that they need to have been present for more than 6 months. For instance, while it's impossible to diagnose a 2 yo as having ADHD because the behaviors are normal at that age, lack of attention, impulsivity and hyperactivity at 2 years of age would quality for the "persistant" portion of the diagnosis when a 7 yo is being evaluated.

One of the things you can do, to help both yourself and those involved in the care and education of your DD, is to keep a journal of her behavior at home and of what others (day care providers, day camp personnel, etc.) report. This way, if it ever gets to the point of needing an evaluation, you'll come equipped with fact.
Unread 10-15-2005, 05:48 PM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

Hi Dany and javaqueenbee...

Dany, our girls *do* sound very much alike socially. "Diva" is an excellent way to describe the behavior at home. When she was 2 she once corrected my MIL when she was reading to her..."It's Cobbler cobbler *mend* my shoe, NOT *fix* my shoe, Grannie!" <-- (that's my DD rolling her eyes!).

I can see you are a fierce mother who has done her research. Good for you! My DH and I were lucky in that we both have masters degrees in mental health related fields--I am an LCSW and he is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. So, we both know our way around the DSMR and knew that our DD did *not* meet the criteria for Aspergers Syndrome.

Java..regarding the whole maturity issue, I totally agree with you that that needs to be factored in. My DD has been chatting with adults quite comfortably with a very advanced vocabularly since she was 2 and a half. But, she also had sensory issues, anxiety and a lot of phobias. Because she *seemed* much more mature than she was and then also displayed some odd behaviors (like being afraid of kids her own age and walking around with her hands over her ears), she got mislabeled by the "experts."

When I pulled her out of the special program she was in at age 3 and a half, these same "experts" were quite shocked and gave me dire warnings. And when she got over some of her phobias and became leader of the pack at her new preschool (within a month!), they just about fainted. And then I was finally given credit for knowing that--as Dany points out--these behaviors have to be present in a variety of settings.

So far so good with the boredom issue at school. Her teacher tells me that she really likes to fit in with the other kids. So, she doesn't act out or have a bad attitude.

I'm just fearing the day that my Diva reaches puberty and the mother/daughter battles *really* begin!

Unread 10-15-2005, 11:10 PM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

Smargie, I totally understand that feeling on Diva (the girl twin) was having total tantrums at 9 mos old. And I don't mean just crying, full tilt throw your body to the ground, bang your head, earsplitting screaming! I am assuming that when she hits puberty, stuff will really fly....I had a motto on my fridge, "My job is to make healthy, happy, well-adjusted individuals." And I keep reminding myself, that as she battles me that she is exerting her own ideas/thoughts. I have to hold on the idea that when she is put into a situation that might involve sex/drugs, that her very opinionated, stubborn self will prevail.
One question about your gifted our school works the program is that the kids are in their normal class & then they go to gifted segments. So, most of the day is spent in his regular classroom...I think this arrangment is very good for him & allows him to be a normal 9 year old.
Good luck to you! The journey (parenting), even with it's pitfalls, is worth every step!
Unread 10-17-2005, 02:22 PM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

I too have a "gifted" son. In Kindergarten, he was being "very social" in class, which I attributed to being bored. He was bringing home work like "R is for Red" when he already knew his colors, his numbers, and his alphabet. By mid year, the school agreed that he was bored and signed him up for a lunch time computer class. At the end of the year, they suggested having him tested for our school districts gifted program.

Throughout first through sixth grade, he scored in the top 99 percentile. At the same time, if he was bored, he did not want to learn. If he finished work before anyone else, he thought that meant "social hour". (And this was in their gifted program). I was very glad to have him in this program though, as he was no different than the other kids going through. (I give the teachers GREAT credit for putting up with a room full of gifted kids). We were warned in fourth grade of some things that could crop up later, with a gifted child.

A gifted child has a hard time learning. Why? Because everything comes too easy to them, that when they don't know something, they aren't sure how to go about getting the answer. If they don't know something, they are super critical of themselves. (My son would go crazy over a new video game - "THEY CHEAT! THIS THING IS BROKEN". I had to constantly remind him that learning something new means patiences, and he's going to need to calm down and just keep trying, or I'd take the stupid game away!)

We were also warned that many gifted children will drop out of high school, or college, because they don't know how to properly study for tests and reports. Again, things come so easy to them that if they have to try at all, then they won't.

In seventh and eighth grade, we (the parents) decided to send all our kids to the same public school, so they would have each other to support them as they went "main stream." (My son was so bored in one class that he put scissors in the wall socket to see if it would spark - while telling his teacher and I later "I knew it had rubber handles so I wouldn't get hurt." He also would correct the math teacher when he gave the answer and the teacher told him it was wrong, and then my son would prove to him that it wasn't.

In high school, he drank 20 oz's of alcohol, during class, at the dare of some other kid, "because I was bored." After the ambulance ride to the hospital, and getting kicked out of school for 10 days, all the teachers and principal could say was "He just seems like such a nice, polite child. We never expected anything like this from him." I reminded them that "Eddie Haskell" was a polite child also........grrrrrrrr

Now in 10th grade, he was finally accepted into the IB program (a high school / college program) and between all the homework he has, plus the chores around the house, he manages to stay on the straight and narrow for the most part. He's still very polite, and very helpful, and when he does the work, he gets A's. Unfortunately History is a "memorization" style class, and because he missed the first assignment, he gave up even trying. Thank god he told me just a few weeks ago, and before the quarter was over, and we now have him on track. While the rest of the class was taking PSAT's (he scored 1170 in eighth grade) he got to make up all the work he missed.

There is a ton of information on the web regarding gifted children, and it really pays to read up and be prepared. I find having my son tutor others really helps with his self-esteem. I also have to fight the school tooth and nail when they think that he's fine in basic classes like math and reading - after all, the only money schools get are for those kids who "need help keeping up" that the ones who are gifted end up being stiffled and left behind while everyone else catches up. (That's where the drugs and alcohol come into play).

Characteristics of Gifted/Creative Children

A. High sensitivity
B. Excessive amounts of energy.
C. Bores easily and may appear to have a short attention span.
D. Requires emotionally stable and secure adults around him/her.
E. Will resist authority if it not democratically oriented.
F. Have preferred ways of learning; particularly in reading and mathematics.
G. May become easily frustrated because of his/her big ideas and not having the resources or people to assist him/her in carrying these tasks to fruition.
H. Learns from an exploratory level and resists rote memory and just being a listener.
I. Cannot sit still unless absorbed in something of his/her own interest.
J. Very compassionate and has many fears such as death and loss of loved ones.
K. If they experience failure early, may give up and develop permanent learning blocks.
Unread 10-17-2005, 02:29 PM
More "Gifted" Information

Classroom Problems with Gifted/Creative Children

Creative Trait : Theoretical and abstract
Classroom Problem: Ignores stressed data in assignments. Hands in "unneat" work.

Creative Trait : Independent, Inventive (non-conforming)
Classroom Problem: Resists teacher chosen assignments far beyond requirements to the exclusion of others.

Admin. Note: Copyright laws prohibit copying the entire list here; however the entire list may be viewed here:

Understanding ADHD and the Creative Child
By Colette Bouchez
WebMD Feature
Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario, MD

Frankie was a daydreamer, so much so that he continually frustrated teachers when he just couldn't concentrate on what they said. Both Sam and Virginia were considered "problem" kids as well, talking so incessantly in school they frequently disrupted the class.

Little Tommy had so much energy he was often asked to actually leave the room, while Nicky gave both his teachers and his parents cause for great concern with impulsive, oftentimes dangerous behaviors.

In many circles, these children would likely be diagnosed with ADHD -- attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, a neurologically based diagnosis hallmarked by a lack of attention, an abundance of misused energy and random, impulsive behavior, all of which can severely limit a child's ability to learn.

But that diagnosis might be a big mistake. The reason: The childhood behaviors described above were exhibited by some of the brightest, most creative minds of our time: architect Frank Lloyd Wright, writers Samuel Taylor Coleridge and Virginia Woolf, and inventors Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla.

The entire article may be viewed here:
Unread 10-19-2005, 12:06 AM
Anyone else with a gifted child?

Bravo Northwest Lady.

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