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Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!) Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!)

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Unread 04-04-2001, 11:52 AM
Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!)

Now I am really scared! I got call from the doctor a while ago - He told me that because the cervical cancer included a small part of my vagina, I would have to have internal and external radiation and probably a round of chemotherepy. I have two small children that I love very much and I already feel bad because I can't do much for them now (I am a single mother so no daddy to take mommy's place). I am begining to think that my youngest (16 month-old) is starting to think that my mother is hers. I am so scared about how all of this intense treatment is going to effect my kids and family - let alone myself. I am grateful for my mother, i couldn't do this with out her. Can someone let me know what to expect? I know that the treatments effect everyone different, that's why I would like to here the bad and good stories. I am only thirty so I am hoping that because I am relatively young, it won't be so hard on my body. Am I going to lose my hair from one round of chemo or does that also depend on the individual? I just wish that I could know how my body was going to react before I start the treatments, maybe I could stop crying then, but I know that I really won't know until after. My family is trying to be so helpful and tell me that no matter what I am loved, even if I am bald, sick or whatever. I guess that I didn't think that all of this would make me feel so all alone! I thought I was going to be able to be so strong and that I would'nt let any of this get to me but right about now I feel like a little girl who is scared to death of the big bad monster under her bed! Thanks for letting me vent!

More scared than ever,
Brenda :'(
(Crowned March 20, 2001)
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Unread 04-04-2001, 12:52 PM
Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!)

Hi Brenda,
First off so sorry that your news from the doctor was not better.
You have alot to deal with right now, and first of all hugs to you and your mom!! She sounds so wonderful to be there for you and helpful to you during this time.

I cannot comment on the radiation as I only had chemo, but there will be lots of ladies that will give you their experiences with radiation I am sure.

My treatment was only chemo, and I did lose all my hair, but not until after the 2nd session and my sessions were for 5 days every 3 weeks...so that would be 10 days of chemo before it really started coming out. PLus...I was on 3 different chemo drugs intraveniously. So I had a triple wammy with the chemo with each treatment.

Also...there are many different ways they administer chemo. When I was in out patients getting mine, I would see people getting just an injection and leaving within 5 minutes. Now..I don't know what type of cancer they had etc, but I know there are other ways they administer it than just intraveinously.

Not all chemo drugs cause you to lose your hair either don't forget.

I think your oncologist will be able to answer all your questions for you. They understand our fears I think, and I know mine spent about 30 minutes just telling me about the different drugs and what to expect from each one.
I will keep you and your little angels and your mom in my prayers Brenda. Best of luck!
Take care,
((( hugs)))))
Unread 04-04-2001, 01:41 PM
Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!)

HI Brenda, I have cervical/vaginal cancer which is going to be treated by 4 weeks of external radiation and then a 24 hour block of internal radiation. If you read all my previous posts you will see how scared I am, can't say I exactly know how you feel 'cause we are all different, but I can sure relate to all that you are feeling right now. I can't help you with anything as yet because I haven't started treatment. BUT..... I can give you a big hug (((((( HUGS TO YOU)))))))) and also I can let you know how lucky you are to have found this cancer forum. The girls here are angels. They support , love and care about us. Someone is here 24 hours a day for you. Just post and you will feel the love pouring out. I wish you best of luck and please email me if you would like to. Love to you x x PS make sure you check out the other posts they are a big help.
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Unread 04-04-2001, 10:04 PM
Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!)

Hi Brenda,

{{hugs}} to you first off. I know this is a very scary time for you. That is so wonderful that you have your family close to you, that really does help so much.

As far as chemo is concerned, from what I have learned from the reading I've done and discussions with my oncologist, there are so many different types of chemo available now and they do all react differently. I have had two rounds of chemo, with the first I lost ALL my hair just after completing the second round. It was a combination of taxol/carboplatin which I received during a full day/night session once every three weeks for six sessions. My hair started growing back very quickly shortly after completing that round. Unfortunately, we found that my cancer was resistant to the chemo so I immediately started another round, this time with the drug Topotecan, which I did NOT loose my hair with. It did however, stall the growth so now its growing back kind of slow but it IS growing back.

I was able to work throughout both rounds of treatment full time. I was quite a bit tired most of the time but just tried to get as much rest as I could in between the treatments. Other than that, there was a bit of nausea I experienced but the majority of that was handled well with the anti-nausea meds I was given.

I'm sorry I'm not much help with the radiation portion, I haven't had to have that but I have seen several ladies post about it here. The most common complaint I've seen about that is experiencing fatique. Some (but not all) have also had some problems with diarrhea.

Please do ask lots of questions from your oncologist and it can really help to have someone with you to help listen. It can be quite a lot to absorb. I wish you the best and please do let us know how you are doing.

We're all here for you anytime you need.


Unread 04-05-2001, 06:08 AM
Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!)

Hi, {{{Brenda}}}!

I don't have any personal experience with either chemo or radiation. I just wanted you to know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers during these upcoming weeks. I'm sorry that you are going through such a scary time right now. I'm so happy your mother is there for you! Don't worry about your 16-month old. She knows who her mommy is.

My best wishes to you as you are recovering and healing.
Unread 04-05-2001, 07:54 AM
Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!)

Of course you're overwhelmed and scared!
But we're sending good thoughts and prayers. If you want to feel hope, read Molly's post we've "stuck" to the top of the boards. It can be ok, honest.
Unread 04-05-2001, 08:23 AM
Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!)

Brenda, I know that if I were diagnosed with cancer I'd be frightened too, but I also think I'd be angry. I can't answer your questions, but I have lots of love to give and want you to know that with so many women here every day, there are many shoulders for you to cry on and lots of hugs to go around. {{{{Brenda}}}} Please feel free to come here anytime. We'll try to help if we can.
Unread 04-05-2001, 02:01 PM
Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!)

Brenda, just wanted to add something. As you can see I live in Australia and we have the Cancer Council that gives out information booklets. If you would like to email your address I am quite happy to send you some. Or the website is : www.nswcc.org.au. and another good one is : www.cancer.org.au. . Hope this is of some help , love to you
Unread 04-06-2001, 05:20 AM
Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!)

You have every right to feel the way that you do, and it is very normal! Have yourself a long cry...kick, scream, whatever it is you need to do to get those emotions out. Once you do that, you will be able to think so much clearer. Your main objective now is to get well for your kids. Please know that we are here for you and you can type to us anytime!! It's hard for the family to understand exactly what you are feeling and sometimes they are afraid of saying the wrong thing. You are so lucky to have them there for you and it is so sweet of them to reinforce to you, how much you are loved!
Unread 04-06-2001, 09:35 AM
Ok now I'm scared! ( sorry it's long but I needed to vent!)

Thank you all so much for your hugs and words of encouragement! I am learning that it gets better everyday, that it just takes time to come to grips with everything.

I guess the worst thing is the feeling of no control. :hair: I feel like I have no control over what's happening to my body and my life in general. Being a single mother, I have always been very independent. I loved the part of myself that made me so independent. It made me feel strong and confident. I have always made it a point that everyone knew that I could take care of myself and my kids without anyones help. I have had to shove back that part of me. Now I just feel so needy and vulnerable. And it's hard for me to accept that I have to give into that and accept help from others.

I don't even think it is the diagnosis of cancer so much as it is my unrealistic expectations of everthing that was going to happen to my body. I had already come to grips with the fact that I have cancer, I did that before my the surgery. It didn't realy click thst I would have to go through other treatments, such as radiation and chemotherapies. I thought I would have the surgery and all the cancer would be gone, nothing more to it. I don't think that my doctor made that very clear. I don't know if it was my denial or his trying to spare me from any more stress. But now it's like.....I have just started to feel really good after the surgery and have started to do more for myself, but once I start the treatments, it will start all over again. I have seen my aunt getting chemotherapy and how hard it was on her. Unfortunately, she did not make it through. The chemo was just too much for her. But on the other had I watched my cousin go through chemo for testicular cancer and do just fine....he lost his hair but I think that the whole losing your hair thing is much easier for a man to accept. The difference between them is that my aunt was very petite and about 50 yrs old, and my cousin was 20 and over 6 feet tall and weighed about 300 lbs. So I don't know if that makes a difference. Anywas I think I am beginning to ramble on and on but it just feels so good to "talk" about it. I thank god that I have found this site. It helps to know that I am not so alone in all of this. I am not the only one who feels like this. And it helps to know that others have made it thorugh all of this just fine..and with a new outlook on life.. a better one. I hope the same happens for me.

Thanks again,

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