PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case | HysterSisters
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PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case

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Unread 11-07-2005, 12:34 PM
PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case

Today is two week anniversary of TAH. I feel like ^&%$! I am sore all over and emotional as all get out. My husband and I own our own business. Great right? Except when you are out and trying to heal. We own a property management business (about 9 employees) and manage homeowner's associations and rentals. We had a two person maintenance staff for rentals and repairs. When I went out for surgery, one maintenance person was out for surgery of his own and would not be able to return until first of the year. The other maintenance person quit this morning. No notice, no nothing. We have nobody to do any repairs. DH has been calling me every day from work telling me about all the problems that are happening there. Empolyee problems, owner problems, you name it. So now, I am sitting at home and I should be healing and "pampering the princess", but instead I am worring myself to the point where I Iiterally feel sick to my stomach. I know he needs to tell me what's going on, we are partners and just because I am out, doesn't mean the world stops turning. This is our livelyhood and I am worried about all the things going wrong. I know they would be happening whether I was at work or not, but now I feels super guilty that DH is having to deal with all the problems without me, on top of feeling like crap physically. He is doing his job and mine. I am sitting here with tears just rolling down my face....I know he doesn't do this to upset me, probably doesn't even know I am upset. He doesn't undersatnd why I am "so emtional" lately, or why talking about business upsets me, when it didn't before. He ends every phone call with..."Sorry to call you, just relax and don't worry about anything". IS HE KIDDING?????????

I feel less like a princess than I ever have in my life....I feel like I am falling apart. Please, someone tell me that this will get better....
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Unread 11-07-2005, 01:06 PM
PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case

Oh my ... poor you

It will get better but it will take time. I know what it's like to have your own business and employee problems usually cause the biggest headaches in a small business.

I know you can't help but worry about everything, especially as your DH is having to do everything on his own at the moment, but it's not going to help you any. You need to concentrate on getting well. The more you rest and relax now, the quicker your recovery will be, which is what you need to happen.

If it was me, I'd have a chat with DH and say I needed to sleep or rest or whatever during the day and couldn't we have a chat about the business in the evening? Or even save the chats until the weekend? I know you need to discuss things but there is a time and a place at the moment. At the 2 week mark, I couldn't even put my brain into gear.

I understand that you feel guilty that he's having to cope with all sorts of extra problems at the moment, but it won't last forever and, if he's anything like my DH, he's a wonderful and capable man, and will manage! He also knows that it won't last forever. And the business won't fall apart without you ...

So please, try to relax, get some rest, chat things over with your DH and try to sort a more appropriate time when the both of you can chat. If you had some peace and quiet during the day, I'm sure that would give you more strength to handle what he has to say.

Take care of yourself and concentrate on getting better. You've had major surgery and the No1 concern right now is you.

Sending you lots of S and thoughts.
Unread 11-07-2005, 01:11 PM
PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case

Hi, just had to send you some s and more s. I understand completely how you're feeling. It will get better. I'm 4 1/2 weeks post-op and we farm. My husband works full time off the farm, plus hauls calves and we raise 360 baby calves on bottles. We homeschool and everyone helps on the farm. When I was the worst, everything seemed to go wrong and I couldn't help, plus I needed help in the house. I had to remember what the sisters had said about you only have one time to heal. You can listen to everyones problems, but realize for now your only job is to take care of yourself. We love to be able to help and fix everything and take the burden off others, but for now we can't. If you want to PM me you can, you can vent all you want. Right now you NEED to rest. Just know that someone cares!
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Unread 11-07-2005, 01:12 PM
PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case

Dear sister, hang in there! I know what you mean about DH having to do all the work. I was concerned about the same thing. Dumping all the responsibilites on him. I remember a saying I once heard that went something like "everything is as it should be." There is a reason that this is happening right now. Your DH will work through it. The best thing for you to do is take care of yourself! If you don't, there may be more health issues. The rest will take care of itself. Another little saying that helps me with worrying is "live in the present moment." You are only two weeks out, very early in your recovery. #1 priority is you getting your rest and healing. You may want to ask DH to just take care of things and tell you later. People are generally understanding. If something takes a little longer than usual, so what.
I hope you feel better soon. This web site is a life saver!
Love to you,
Unread 11-07-2005, 01:21 PM
PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case

Hi. I am sorry you are feeling so sad.

You are only two weeks post op. This is super early in your recovery. Emotions are high. Your body has been through a lot! All you can do is keep repeating to your husband that you MUST rest. It is sooo easy to overdue it and then end up injuring yourself and setting your recovery back.

Can your DH and you hire some casual workers to cover the missing employees? Some people that can temporarily help out while you are recoverying and take some pressure off your DH? What about family members? College or university students? Not sure if these are feasible ideas as I am not experienced in property management, but just throwing any ideas I could think of out there!

It is vital that you take care of yourself. Stress to your DH that you HAVE to take this time to heal. Can you do some paperwork while you are resting on the couch or in bed?

I hope things turn around for you work wise. But in the meantime, try to source out some outside help, have a heart to heart with DH and maybe that will help.

Unread 11-07-2005, 01:22 PM
PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case

Now the tears are from sheer relief that SOMEONE understands and the kind words and support that I have found here. I know in my head the things that the sisters say are true, sometimes you just need to hear it!! THANK YOU!!!! FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!
Unread 11-07-2005, 01:51 PM
PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case

Just sending to you!

It is very easy to feel extra overwhelmed due to hormonal issues after a hyst. Glad you are finding support here at hystersisters!
Unread 11-07-2005, 02:45 PM
PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case

Hi Cottonro,

I agree with the other sisters, you must look after yourself. I know how hard it is to deal with other people's worries (and your own, of course) when you are physically below par. We have alot going on in our lives at the moment, and I'm having to give huge amounts of support to various loved ones, but I'm trying hard to protect myself too. I'm 4 1/2 weeks post op and feel better able to deal with it all now.

I thought Pooodle's idea of only letting your husband discuss work issues with you in the evening is an excellent one. That way, you have peace to heal and gather strength in the day time, so you can be a support to your husband in the night.

Hope all works out well,
Miz x
Unread 11-07-2005, 03:21 PM
PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case

Dear Sister.

We all have things in our life that have to be put on hold or trust someone else to do in our time of recovery. The hardest thing to do is let them deal with it and let ourselves recover. I do not own my own business but due to the severity of my job I got called all day long every day that I was out on Disability. I ended up returning back to work Early against my doctors wishes because of my worries and I regreted it. I hope that you are able to talk to DH and help him understand that he needs to keep the stress of the business "at work" until you are ready to actually deal with it.. At 2 weeks you arent even close to ready to deal with that kind of stress, all you need is rest, feet rubs, and ice cream - try to stay away from daytime television though, it will rott your brain...LOL
Unread 11-07-2005, 05:12 PM
PRINCESS?....I feel like a basket case

Cottonro, I know how you feel. My DH runs a small business and I'm his right-hand person. I had planned to use my work laptop from home once I started feeling up to it. I spend a lot of time on a computer anyway. He does bring work home to me and I get to it when I feel like it. I told him I don't mind doing the work but it won't be at my normal speed. He understands that when I get tired, I will rest. He does avoid calling me during the day for fear he might be disturbing my rest. We communicate via email usually. When he comes home we discuss things if we're both up to it.

I'm 3 weeks post-op and I have a little more energy than I did at 2 weeks. I don't push myself. When the body says rest, I rest.

At times I feel like I'm falling apart and I even feel guilty for having the surgery. When I get those feelings I have to stop them immediately. I am human and I have been there for people when they needed me and now it's time for people to be there for me.

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