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want more kids!!! want more kids!!!

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Unread 12-19-2005, 07:28 AM
want more kids!!!

HELP! I spent all day yesterday with my new nephew Brian and now I am all depressed. He is only 4 months old. So cute. I remember those days with my own girls. So long ago.
Dh tried to help me last night by reminding me of all the late nights and diapers. Nothing worked I still miss that.
I feel like I am loosing touch with the baby memories of my girls. I don't remember first step of younger dd. The first time she spoke. I don't remember either girls first word. I feel like such a bad mom right now.
Plus work called and I am off again today. That is 5days in a row. Money is tight and now I am depressing myself. I know that christmas is a bad time for this. I have not like christmas in so long.( My grams died on new years never got over that.)
I also have a sil that is pregnant right now. Last april she lost a dd. They don't know why, but the baby passed on.She was full term and perfect. Just no reason for that. Now she is getting another chance. Ladies this woman is a bad mom. She lost her boys on several occasions and they were brought home by the cops. I still cannot believe that she didn't get them taken away.
I try to be understanding. I know that things happen for a bigger reason than we can understand. But I hate this. I hate the cancer that took my most prized possesion away from me. I hate that I cannot remember. I don't like much right now. But I do love my girls. I usually get like this around this time of year. But I hoped that it wouldn't happen this year. I am almost three years post op. Guess I was wrong.
DH is at work and even if he was here he woudn't understand.He just ignores me when I am like this. He is a supportive person, but he is a realist. Don't dwell on the past type thing. Live for now not what you cannot change. I hate him at time like this. Ijust want to feel bad and I don't want someone telling me I cant! Love all Dawn
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Unread 12-19-2005, 07:34 AM
want more kids!!!

Sounds like a good time to get a Christmas puppy. We will be getting our new baby Doberman Pinscher in the next couple weeks.

Seriously, get a puppy. We are.
Unread 12-19-2005, 08:20 AM
want more kids!!!

I already have a dog. If we were to get another one I don't know how toby would be. I think that he is a little territorial.. I know that I just need to realize this is what life dealt me and deal with it. As horrible as I feel right now.
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Unread 12-19-2005, 08:51 AM
want more kids!!!

Dawn, I JUST went through that phase. I have 2 close friends that had babies about 2 months after my hyst. I was sooo depressed because they had something "new" in their lives. I really wanted that feeling at the time, but they both assured me that I can spend as much (or as little) time with the babies as I needed or wanted. I talked with my husband about it and he said that he can understand why I would be depressed about it, but that we need to be grateful that we have two healthy children. I agree, but there's still an empty feeling at times. I think men have a hard time understanding what an empty feeling it is and that it isn't necessarily that we WANT to have more children, it's that we know we CAN'T. Be thankful for your two beautiful daughters and cherish them every day. It will get better. I promise. And think...someday you will be a grandma and can spoil the ever-livin-daylights out of your grandchildren! Meri
Unread 12-19-2005, 01:50 PM
want more kids!!!


You are not alone. I feel this way alot. My best friend just had twin baby girls. Believe me I am so happy because it took them a long time to have the girls. I feel selfish and ugly because I'm jealous that I can't have another one. I can't talk to DH either because he says the same "we should be thankful for our DS". I love my DS but I also carry alot of guilt around that he's going to be an only child and won't have any siblings. Adoption is out of the question because of $$. I miss the baby smell, noises, cuddling. My DS is 2 1/2 and is getting so independent. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Sometimes we just need to have a "pity party" for ourselves and grieve.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Unread 12-19-2005, 02:10 PM
want more kids!!!


Just a note regarding your statement about adoption being out of the question due to $. I see that you are from Massachusetts---did you know that you can adopt a child for free through DSS?? I adopted my third child, a beautiful daughter, through DSS and it didn't cost a cent. I adopted her seven years ago and not one day has passed that I have not been grateful for her presence in my life. There are thousands of children in the care of the state who want nothing more for Christmas than a family of their own. I spent last Friday's snow day home from school, baking Christmas cookies with my little girl and it doesn't get much better than that. ......just wanted to pass that info along, take care, Kate
Unread 12-19-2005, 02:13 PM
want more kids!!!

pakoo how does something like that work? Do you have to qualify for a foster care type program or what? I know that foster care kids are usually older and some have emotional problems. I want to know more. Please help
Unread 12-19-2005, 02:30 PM
want more kids!!!

I see that you are from Iowa, each state has its own regulations but they are all very similar. You contact your local DSS or DYS office. (Department of Social Services, Department of Youth Services) and tell them that you are interested in adoption or foster care. In MA, there is a ten week training program where you meet one night per week with a social worker for classes. Upon completion, you do a homestudy (which is standard for all adoptions)--that includes a report on a police check, character reference check, physicals, and home visit. It sounds like a lot, but it goes by quickly and once your file is complete, you can receive calls/notices on children in need of homes. Yes, there are a lot of older children and yes, some of them have problems because of the mistakes of their parents, but there are also a lot of babies who are taken at birth and if you are in the system, you will be notified about this. You are allowed to specify age, sex, etc. but the more open you are to specifications, the faster you'll get a placement. (I also did foster care for 20 years) It's worth checking into if you're interested and there's no obligation.....you could even get to the completion of the homestudy process and then change your mind, that's fine too. I wish you the best, Kate
Unread 12-19-2005, 02:34 PM
want more kids!!!

thanks so much pakoo this is definately something for me to talk to dh about. I just need to get a bigger house first. Isn't there rules about each child has their own room? Cannot do that here. We are supposed to be moving just don't know when?
Unread 12-19-2005, 02:42 PM
want more kids!!!

Each child does not need his/her own room. What they do is take a square footage measurement . Children can share a bedroom, they just don't want them in a space that's too small for two, etc. (they can only share a room if they're the same sex though) You can still start the process if you're planning to move (the training part) and then save the homestudy until you're in a new place. (Homestudies for private agencies can run between two and three thousand dollars, for a state agency, they're free) good luck

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