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How to do it alone? How to do it alone?

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  #1  
Unread 12-26-2005, 09:24 AM
How to do it alone?

Hello, I have recently received my surgery date for my TAH ...Jan. 11, 2006. I have dealt with this pain for 15 years and have decided to through in the towel. After many tests, biopsies, etc. they also suspect uterine cancer. My biggest fear is getting through this alone. Being a single parent, living in a rual area and no family around to help, I just don't know how to prepare myself and my 16 year old son, who is wonderful I may add. Maybe, I may get some advise from others here that may have been in the same boat! I have no "man" in my life, so nobody to talk, cry, stress to and everything else that may come up. But, God willing, I will make it through this. Any wonderful ideas would be greatly appreciated.
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  #2  
Unread 12-26-2005, 09:39 AM
How to do it alone?

Well, you have us for the vent/cry/bored-out-of-my-mind thing. Does DS drive? You can stock ahead on light weight, easy (frozen is lovely) meals, 1/2 gallon milk, TP, and things like that... so you can just rest up. We pretty much did that even though DH was here. For the first week or so you probably won't feel like doing much anyway and the rest is good for you. If DS is a sweetie he can do garbage, laundry & basics... the rest can wait till you're recovered. If not (been there, done that), I have done trash in little plastic grocery bags & just taken it out daily. Walking is ok, but lifting is a no-no. My DS was amazingly helpful (and good at) laundry when I had lung surgery--which absolutely surprised me. He was about 10 at the time. My biggest problem ALWAYS as a single mom was keeping enough milk in the house. I did have an "absolute emergency list" of people to call too, sometimes parents of DD & DS's friends... that I arranged in advance. IF something terrible should happen, I said I'd like to have a list of 4-6 or however many people as emergency contacts...would they be willing to be # X on the list. I think only one ever said no. I taped an index card up by the phone with the #'s and what they were willing to do in an emergency--hardly ever used it. It's handy though & reduces stress. Just to know somebody can take your child, bring over milk & bread, drive you to the ER... things like that. Hope that helps.
  #3  
Unread 12-26-2005, 11:21 AM
How to do it alone?

You are not alone! So many of the women on this website have given me the best advice, an ear to lend, someone to vent to, and everything else that I wasn't able to get for myself, in person...

Don't hesitate to ask your son to get you a few things from the store (does he drive?), just so you can have peace of mind before the surgery. Just take care of you, and remember, this will all be over soon.
As for support and talking about things that seem strange to others, this site will comfort you every step of the way. Take care and let us know how you are doing!
Sincerely,
LeAnn
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  #4  
Unread 12-26-2005, 11:36 AM
How to do it alone?

Hi sologal,

Go to the pre-op message board and read all the things you can about how to get ready -- they really helped me and there is lots of good advice there.

As for being alone, along with having us, I'm wondering if you have any girlfriends? a book club? a church? coworkers? or if none of those are sources of friends who might help you, does your state have a visiting nurse program for people who are single/home? I live in an "acutely rural" area, too. It's just me and my dh here; we don't have family near, so when my dh had bypass surgery, they sent a home-nurse every other day, even though I was there to help care for him. I wonder if your hospital could connect you with their social services/county nursing services? I imagine it would feel like a relief to know that someone skilled would be checking on you, even if it's only now and then, just to reassure you. My co-workers all have volunteered to come over every day and help me when my dh has to go back to work. I'm lucky enough to be able to manage during the day while he's gone, but it is so nice to know there's someone I could call if I needed to.

I don't know if any of this will help, but I hope so!
  #5  
Unread 12-26-2005, 11:46 AM
How to do it alone?

Sweetie, I am so sorry that you are going through this rough time, and I am praying that you do not have cancer. Please know, either way, you've got a ton of Sisters here to love and help you through. Now, I know that doesn't cover all of the "in person" needs you'll have. If you have the means, you may want to consider having someone come in to do some cleaning, etc. for you....these services are not always "at a price," you may want to look into different visiting nurses associations, and other organizations aimed at home health care. Many times, there are services available to you, free of charge, thanks to charitable organizations/individuals in your area or elsewhere. When I was facing my hysterectomy, I was going through a divorce, living in an area where I had no friends or family(they were all HIS friends, etc., and I lost them when I filed for divorce)...and 2 young children. I thought I was going to be left out in the cold, but was very fortunate to find the love and support of the girls here, and many wonderful tips to get me through. I was living in the DFW area at the time, and had LOCAL hystersisters offer to do EVERYTHING for me, from giving me rides to the Dr./Castle, to sitting with me, preparing meals, etc. I don't know if you belong to a local church, but you may also find assistance, there....and I am willing to bet that your wonderful son and some of his friends will be more than happy to help out, too! There are many things that you can do ahead of time to help yourself, too...
grocery shop ahead of time and make sure to load up on juices, drink boxes, sodas, etc....I found that Hot Pockets were a LOT better than I thought they were.....I had a great set up in my bedroom, since I was going to be "home alone" everyday....I had someone load up a cooler with drinks, yogurt, fruit, etc., and brought my small microwave into my bedroom-I kept precooked meals in tupperware and Hot Pockets in the cooler, and just rolled across the bed to the nightstand and popped them in the micro., and presto, there was food! I kept a trash can on the opposite side of the bed so I could just toss my disposable silverware, cups, etc., in and not make clutter for myself. Make sure you have a clear pathway to the bathroom, and keep your meds and phone close by. If there is anything we can do for you from here, PLEASE, never be afraid to ask! Please also feel free to PM me through the site if you need a shoulder or ear!

Best wishes and much luck to you, Sister!
s
Christy
  #6  
Unread 12-26-2005, 12:02 PM
How to do it alone?

Hi

I also live alone and have no man or relatives real close. This site has helped me alot so keep on here and everyone will help you. I only have two sons who don't live with me so Iam really alone. Send me a message if you need to talk with someone.

Connie
  #7  
Unread 12-26-2005, 12:12 PM
How to do it alone?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by km_wish_star
Well, you have us for the vent/cry/bored-out-of-my-mind thing. Does DS drive? You can stock ahead on light weight, easy (frozen is lovely) meals, 1/2 gallon milk, TP, and things like that... so you can just rest up. We pretty much did that even though DH was here. For the first week or so you probably won't feel like doing much anyway and the rest is good for you. If DS is a sweetie he can do garbage, laundry & basics... the rest can wait till you're recovered. If not (been there, done that), I have done trash in little plastic grocery bags & just taken it out daily. Walking is ok, but lifting is a no-no. My DS was amazingly helpful (and good at) laundry when I had lung surgery--which absolutely surprised me. He was about 10 at the time. My biggest problem ALWAYS as a single mom was keeping enough milk in the house. I did have an "absolute emergency list" of people to call too, sometimes parents of DD & DS's friends... that I arranged in advance. IF something terrible should happen, I said I'd like to have a list of 4-6 or however many people as emergency contacts...would they be willing to be # X on the list. I think only one ever said no. I taped an index card up by the phone with the #'s and what they were willing to do in an emergency--hardly ever used it. It's handy though & reduces stress. Just to know somebody can take your child, bring over milk & bread, drive you to the ER... things like that. Hope that helps.
LeAnn, Shelly and Christy...I never imagined the care and support that I could receive from here...thank you! My son just has his permit, so, I have to be in the car with him. I now I can't drive, what about riding? I have just recently moved to this area and this entire year has been a disaster with Dr. appts., surgery, PT, you name it. So, getting envolved in church, social events to meet people have been pretty impossible. I am still trying to find a way to get to the hospital and back home. I have my pre-op appt Wed. and I have so many questions to ask. My son is very responsible and has helped me alot this year. He was the best with my surgery this summer, but now he is in school. I have so many other medical problems that can hinder my surgery and healing process, I am so afraid of expecting to much from him. I am going to look into home health care and see if that can be done. I can't exactly ask my son to help me bath or check my surgery site! Maybe there are local Sisters in my area that may be able to lend a helping hand. If so, I hope they see my message and contact me. Thanks for all of the warm and caring ideas!
Lori
  #8  
Unread 12-27-2005, 08:11 AM
How to do it alone?

Lori,
It sounds like you've had a really rough time of it lately, and moving to a new area is not a help with that...I can feel your pain. I have had nothing but new health issues popping up and it can feel like a never ending circle sometimes. Ask your Dr.'s office if there are any groups they know about that could assist you, too....one of the nurses in my Gyn's office is the one that first told me about some of the home health groups...I will be praying that you have helpers coming out of the woodwork, Sister. This is one of the times that my husband keeps wishing that we'd win the lottery....he told me that if we ever do, he wants me to be able to just travel and go help out all of the Sisters I talk to on the Forum. They draw numbers tomorrow...cross your fingers! : )

Christy
  #9  
Unread 12-27-2005, 08:49 AM
How to do it alone?

Lori,
Christy is right. Your doctor's office should have an assistance group, especially in a rural area. Riding with your son should be just fine, as long as he is a pretty good driver!! We can all talk to you every step of the way and give you the best advice we can...as for a ride and back from the hospital, what about calling a cab? Or, maybe a neighbor. Now would be a good time to introduce yourself and tell of your situation. The world is filled with many wonderful people who are willing to help out, it is up to you to give them the chance to do so. Hang in there, sister, and I am saying many prayers for you!
much love,
LeAnn
  #10  
Unread 12-27-2005, 12:09 PM
How to do it alone?

Hi Solo,

I, too am single and living alone though I have 1 grown daughter and 2 grandchildren. I live alone and my surgery date has been moved from January 31st to February 8th 2006. I have had the exact same thoughts and feelings as you and have cried more than once about it...But as the other dear sisters have said, you will be fine, so will I. We will just have to plan a little more, think about things a little longer, and just be ready. Don't be worried about anything. You have angels watching you...<;-) and we women are so resiliant and strong...and even though during this time we really do need lots of help, we will have it when the time comes. I have to believe that for myself and encourage you too!
Hang in there,
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