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am I obsessing? am I obsessing?

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Unread 12-28-2005, 10:33 AM
am I obsessing?

I am scheduled for surgery in about three months and it seems that it is constantly on my mind. My husband gets upset if it comes up in conversation, he goes from getting angry to saying he's scared. Much to my surprise, he did research the subject and talk to women who have had it done. A friend suggested I bring him to the Dr. to talk about the decision ahead of time, it didn't help, he was mad that the doctor answered his questions directly to me. I feel like I need to have everything ready, what I will need, who will help, etc. Is it too early for me to worry about that? Part of the stress in my home is that he is now starting a new job and is anxious because he does not know what his schedule will be like then. Any suggestions on avoiding stressing each other out?
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Unread 12-28-2005, 11:37 AM
am I obsessing?

I was obsessed about my surgery ahead of time.
It is never too early to prepare. If you need a place to vent, this site is the place. There are plenty of us to talk to and answer questions. We understand more than our hubby. Most of us have "been there, done that".
My hubby talked to my doctor and it helped alot. He understood what was upcoming and how to prepare.

Hope the wait goes fast.

God bless and good luck

Unread 12-28-2005, 11:43 AM
am I obsessing?

Hi Lo1369,

I do not think you are obsessing. It sounds like you just want to be well prepared for your hyst and talking about it helps you do that. In the meantime, your DH is starting a new job so when you talk about your surgery, it brings up his uncertainties about his new job. Also, I think your Dr. answering his questions and looking at ~you~ sounds normal since you are the one having surgery, not him.

I can suggest you both pick ~times~ to talk about your surgery and his job. Give each other undivided attention on one of you and then perhaps your DH will not feel like your hyst is competing with his new job. Men can be ~babies~ at heart and he may need some reaasurance with his new job. You can just explain you are going through your own preparation for surgery and that doesn't need to take away from him. That being said, you will need your DH's love and support to help you before and after your hyst so it sounds like you both need to work out a working ~blueprint~ so you both can be there for each other without the other one feeling ignored.

Best wishes,

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Unread 12-28-2005, 04:52 PM
am I obsessing?

I had alot of time too. Over 4 months actually. It's lots of time to answer many questions and to prepare. I WAS VERY prepared! By March, you WILL have enough information to get both of you through this, especially if you do the research. This site is extremely valuable to many women who choose to use it. There is alot of information available, laughs to share, hugs to give, and friends to make!

Good luck to you and your family!
Unread 12-28-2005, 05:07 PM
am I obsessing?

If you're obsessive then I'm a complete nut! I can't stay out of this site... It's a wonder I'm getting any work done at all. I feel like I need all of this information just to make it through the day right now. I'm hoping it will ease after I start getting some of the preparations done. I completely understand your feelings and until last night I thought I was the only one. Go figure...
Unread 12-28-2005, 05:10 PM
am I obsessing?

Well ladies......It's ALL I thought about every minute of every day! I think it's natural. I couldn't help it. And, it only got worse as surgery approached of course!
Unread 12-28-2005, 08:08 PM

Yes, you are absolutely obsessing. You cannot help it, and if ever you have an excuse to obsess, it's now. And you won't stop until . . . well, I haven't stopped yet, and I'm 16 days post op.

I wonder if part of your husband's problem is that he doesn't have enough knowledge about all this. That makes him feel inadequate, and stresses him. Stress causes him to act out in ways he might not otherwise display. About midway through my pre op period (six weeks), I found out my husband was very concerned, not only about what his wife had to have happen, but what he would be expected to do. What was he going to have to do to help me, before, during, and after the surgery? I found and printed out the FOR MEN section of this website, and felt it was very informative. At first he wasn't interested in reading it. He thought stuff I'd found on the internet couldn't be reliable, and he wanted facts from my doctor. I finally got him to read the FOR MEN section, and then when we went to the pre op doctor's visit, everything on the FOR MEN section was confirmed by the doctor. All that made my husband feel better, and he was able to become more supportive.

Trust me, the waiting is the hardest part. At least it was for me. I only had to wait six weeks, and thought that was an unbearable wait time. I think I'd have gone out of my mind if I'd had to wait longer. All my best to you. Keep as busy as you possibly can to keep your mind off of this. Whenever your mind isn't elsewhere occupied, it's guaranteed to jump right back to this obsession. Don't feel guilty about it. Hopefully the time will go by quickly, and then you can join us all on the "other side". All my best to you.
Unread 12-29-2005, 05:31 AM
am I obsessing?

Obsessed seems such a harsh work, but thats what it is. I can't stop thinking about it either and I don't have a date yet. I'm worried about everything, and I won't be going for surgery till at least the end of Feb. probably March. This has stressed my husband out even more. He was hoping we could get through this right away. I have tried so hard not to talk too much about it, but can''t help it. Its my first waking thought, and I still have at least 2 periods to go through before then, and he worries about that too. So,,, I come here and read everything in this site, pre/post/hormone jungle. It has helped me sooo much.

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