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Need to Vent!! Need to Vent!!

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Unread 12-30-2005, 08:01 AM
Need to Vent!!

I am hoping I won't need my ML and her husband. Don't get me wrong, my ML and I get along very well. Its her husband that is a pain. He is 85 and dementia is starting to set in. He is always trying to kiss me when everyone leaves the room. I always let him kiss me on the cheek and never the lips. My ML is 20 years younger then him. She knows what he does, but he is so stubborn and opinionated. He won't listen to anyone. I sure don't want him in my house every day. My husband is taking 10 days off work, I will be in the hospital 5 days, so that takes me to 2 weeks after the surgery. I am hoping to be able to take care of myself by then. I know I won't be able to drive or do housework, but I should be able to do the basics. They are taking care of the dog for us while I am in the hospital. They love her, so that will be a big help. Good luck anyway! families can be a real pain, but hopefully it will all work out for you with minimal stress and a quick recovery!
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Unread 12-30-2005, 08:13 AM
Need to Vent!!

Hi AdriaL!
Sorry you're feeling stressed out. I understand about Mom wanting to "help". lol I had to tell my Mom that DH would be home and taking care of things. I get along with her, but she drives me nuts cause she's a bit ditzy. And she asks the same question until she gets the answer she wants to hear. lol So needless to say I had to put my foot down this time and tell her I wanted no visitors till I was ready.
Would your son and husband listen to you if you asked them to try and be civil to each other while you're recovering? If all else fails, I hear tears work well! lol If they see they're upseting you, maybe they will behave.
All the Best,
Unread 12-30-2005, 09:25 PM
Need to Vent!!

Hi All!!
Thank you for all the reat replies and suggestions. I must explain a little more fully about a couple of things I think. D?S is almost 30!! Him and his Dad haven't really gotten along since the kid was about 5!! I have played referee for at least 25 yrs!! I quite doing that a few years ago come to think about it!!!!! Mom, God love her, had had rectal cancer in '96. She had major radiation, too much we think, as her pelvis has been severely weakened since. She has trouble walking and has an ileostomy also. She is also a control freak!
My DH and I have been married 34 yrs now but for the first 10-15 she thought he was lazy etc. I have really thought about letting DH and DS duke it our, but the kid is stronger now than his Dad!!! They had a real shouting match tonight so I don't really know if he (DS) will be around come the 11th. Mom called tonight and she may not be able to come after all is she is not feeling well enough. She ate some lettuce tonight and is paying for it in a clogged bowel/bag!! So I hope I didn't react with panic too soon. Oh, Mom has since apologized to DH for what she previously thought about him!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had also thought about sitting the two males down and just letting them have it. They are both grown men but acting like two year olds and some two year olds act much better I think!! I have calmed down and trying to think more rationally and will just let things fall as they may.
Oh, by the way, will ya'll please pray for hip deep snow early in the week of the 11th? It might help things around here. I'll get to the castle no matter what may come. NO need to worry about that!!!!!
Thanks again everyone. I really appreaciate all your thoughts and good wishes. Some of the situations ya'll described I can really relate to. DH's father had dementia but thank goodness he wasn't the kissy type. The person I miss the most thru all this is my wonderful Mother in Law. I will miss her till the day I die myself.
Talk with ya soon,
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Unread 12-30-2005, 10:46 PM
Need to Vent!!

hi adria I hope you resolve things with your family soon so you can have a healthy recovery. you will be in my prayers. I have the same situation with my mother and dh. They are thick as ... you get the picture. I am afraid to set the date despite the pain all the time.
Unread 01-02-2006, 01:08 AM
Need to Vent!!

The most important thing I have gotten from every posting on this website is how important I am during this time. That is why I told DH that I wanted him to go to work as usual the day of surgery and that DM and DD would go to the castle with me. DH is SO stressed out right now that he is making me a little crazy and I do NOT want that on that day. Besides that, I need DM to listen to what dr says and let me know if I have ovaries, if they needed to take lymph nodes or whatever. DH heard cancer and that was the end of it for him. This week-end we were invited to two parties, DH wanted to go one and me to the other....after some discussion we went to different parties because I want to spend this month with people who I care about and who care about me. For the first time in my life I am going to put my needs before those of anyone else. It's sort of liberating!
Unread 01-04-2006, 09:52 PM
Need to Vent!!

dear tangibleang
i too have heard the same about taking care of myself but its a hard thing to do I have always put my needs behind everyone else, I am afraid that my family will fall apart. I was in an accident 3 years ago and have 3 herniated discs in my back and 2 in my neck. I just hope my dm and dh can be civil to one another I will pray for you on the 31st good luck celtic d

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