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I need some friends!  Please Help! I need some friends! Please Help!

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Unread 01-04-2006, 01:30 PM
I need some friends! Please Help!

OK, I'm here again, I have wrote to you all before and gotten much help, now I just need some females to talk to, some friends, please help me.

I thought that I could schedule my hyst for the 7th of Feb. of 2006. I went in for my consultation with my husband this morning and it seems that my doc won't do my hyst because I'm only 28 and she feels that it would be morally wrong to take away my chances to become a mother. Let me explain as briefly as I can.

She said that I need the surgery and the removal of my uterus, and ovaries would be the way to go, and we would do this because I have endo, hormonal migraines, no sex drive due to being on the pill for so long, a think uteral lining from taking pills continuously which can cause cancer, the worst PMS on the planet, it takes 7-10 days of Demerol & Imatrex shots just to make it through, a previous LAP and LEEP for cancer cell growths, we are moving to Mexico permanently this fall, and my husband is going to lose our insurance in the next two months and we can't afford cobra or new insurance, oh and most of all I don't want kids.

Now, my reasons are good enough, and I have had been wanting this since I was 19 years old. My mind has never changed, even now with being married 3 1/2 years and being with the same man for 5. I can't tell people enough how much I highly dislike children. I have always felt this way, and it won't ever change. My mother had pos-partum before they even knew what that was, and so did my grandmother, and I truly think that it's in my blood not to have kids. I was an awful babysitter, and there was an incident when I was 12 of me losing it on my baby sister. I just feel that society is so stuck of the fact that women were meant to have kids and no matter who you talk to, doc's, family, friends, even people that know you, they all still seem to think that if it's your baby you don't feel that way. I'm sorry, here I thought that it was my decision to have kids or not. I understand that it is a bridge burner to do what I want to do, but I just don't feel that it is that bad morally to take that away. My doc had a real hard time having kids and went through the whole treatment system to have just one, and adopt one, so she keeps telling me that she's bias, but she also said that she has always wanted kids from a very young age. Why me, why am I the one that doesn't want kids when every one else on the planet wants kids and doesn't feel the way that I do. I need to have this done to fix me, even while knowing that by doing this I may wind up with a whole new set of problems.

I have researched this for years (8) and know what I'm in for, I know that it may never happen that a hormonal regimen will match me and I will suffer with that forever, I know that there are women out there that would do anything to have kids and my ovaries are good, and I don't have bleeding fibroids, or cancer, BUT does that mean that I haven't suffered enough.....does that mean that I'm a bad person.....do I deserve 5-10-20 more years of this same thing?! I guess those questions can't be answered, I'm just down and feeling alone here. My husband being the wonderful man that he is said that he'll stick by me no matter what I decide to do, even if that means going to another surgeon, which I really don't want to do, but my doc said that maybe she just won't feel comfortable doing this for another few years, and perhaps another just as talented surgeon can do it. I just want to stop doing all the endo treatments, pill changing, pain pills, I just want the chance to be like other women.

I'm going to get another opinion from this well know doc here in MN that has been trying to do less invasive hysters and see what he say's.

Thank you to all for listening to me, I needed to talk.

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Unread 01-04-2006, 01:45 PM
I need some friends! Please Help!

After reading your post I have to agree with you. Not everyone is cut out to be a mother. If both you and your husband have talked about this, then I think it is your right to decided what you want and don't want. Since your doctor had such a hard time, she shouldn't try and put her beliefs before what she feels is medically acceptable. If this procedure does help, then it is well worth it. If by some chance later in life you change your mind there is always the adoption route. I hope you are able to get this procedure done and get some relief from your pain. Keep me updated and know that I support you totally. Don't let them talk you out of it. This is your decision. Have fun in Mexico. I'm praying that you get the answers you need.
Unread 01-04-2006, 01:45 PM
I need some friends! Please Help!

I don't know why society thinks we all have to have children???? I have two but if it weren't for my dh I would probably be childless. Little kids just aren't my thing (I do love my own very much, they kinda grow on you ) I think you should switch dr's. If a hyst is what you want and you definately sound like a candidate then you need to find a doctor who understands.

Best of luck to you
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Unread 01-04-2006, 02:02 PM
I need some friends! Please Help!

Hi Melissa,

I agree with the other ladies. It sounds like you have researched this decision extensively.

I can also suggest you get a 2nd opinion. I got 2 opinions myself and with my 2nd opinion, I was a candidate for a less invasive hyst.

I think this is your Dr's conscience ~vs.~ your quality of life. And why did your Dr. not mention this all sooner?? This must be very difficult for you right now.

Hang in there. We Hyster Sisters are here to help if we can.
Unread 01-04-2006, 02:34 PM
I need some friends! Please Help!

Just remind your doctor that there are other ways to become a mother...like adoption. Not everyone can have children and bless those who have the courage to place a child for adoption and those who welcome a child into their home and heart.
Unread 01-04-2006, 02:47 PM
I need some friends! Please Help!

I'm sorry, I didnt' mean to offend anyone by the society remark, it's just how I feel.

It's get's worse. I just talked to BCBS and they said that I probably won't be able to get my own insurance coverage because I will have had this surgery right before switching from a group plan to a individule plan. So bottom line is I'll still need medical treatment (as all of you know) well after my surgery, so do I pay $700 for the cobra for both of us because my husband carries the plan, or see if they will cover me and then have the surgery later? Sometimes it seems when your down it just get's worse. I can't offord this, and I just wish insurance companies would realize that even with a pre-existing condition I still need coverage/help, someone has to help me right?! Mexico is cheaper but who wants to go there for medical care...not me, even if I choose to spend the next 10 years of my life there. Why does this all have to be so hard.
Unread 01-04-2006, 02:51 PM
I need some friends! Please Help!

I cannot believe your doctor is pushing her beliefs on you. Some people do not want to become parents, and that is okay! I would get another doctor, that has YOUR best interests in mind. You do not need to suffer all of the pain you constantly are dealing with now.

You can get all of your records transferred to a new doctor that will help you, for you, and not their beliefs that everyone has to become a parent. Good luck on becoming pain free.
Unread 01-04-2006, 02:59 PM
I need some friends! Please Help!

Talk about infringing on your right to decide!
She or anyone else would not be raising your children, you would have to, so why should she tell you to have them.
I had children because of DH or I probably would be childless also. I love them and enjoy them more now that they are grown adults and live on their own. I had alot of mental problems while raising them... to the extent of taking antidepressants.
Go with what you and DH want. You may or may not feel like adopting in later years when YOU feel better.

Keep us informed.
God bless you and your DH. You are in our prayers.

Unread 01-04-2006, 03:04 PM
I need some friends! Please Help!

Hi Melissa
I hope that you are able to have your surgery done as this is YOUR life choice, not your doctor's.
Having said that, you might want to remind your DR that she is not the one that experiences your pain and frustration each and EVERY month and that she is unable to counsel you on when your surgery can be performed due to her belief that you are not able to decide whether or not you want children. Remind her that you already chose NOT to have children and it is unethical of her to try to convince you to have children or to make you wait for your surgery because you don't have children.

You have gone through a number of other 'alternatives' and have made this decision after much research.
Remind your DR that you pay HER. She doesn't pay you. Nor does she pay for your pain meds or hygiene products. She doesn't live with you or know anything about your home/personal life except what you have informed her of.
Go get a second opinion, and as many after that as you feel necessary, to weigh out ALL the options.

Off subject but kind of related, My g/friend wanted her tubes clamped at 25. No one would do it for her because of her age. She finally went to the College of Physicians and Surgeons (in Canada) and complained that no one would do anything for her and 6 weeks after she mailed her complaint letter, she was referred to a wonderful female GYN that did her surgery.

Keep seeing Drs until someone LISTENS to you.

Unread 01-04-2006, 03:21 PM
I need some friends! Please Help!

Thank you, I need the positive thoughts, I'm getting a second opionion and I'll see what he says. Now it feels like I'm more worried about the out come of the surgery, like any post-op problems. I have researched this for so long that now I'm over analizing it and I think I'm driving myself crazy with "What If's". Does anyone know what I mean?! Now I wonder if I'm making the right choice because people have put doubt in my head, even though I have thought about every outcome possible. I need to go home and sleep on this all, I think I'm just overwelmed and tired. thanks again for all of your opinions, good or bad, I need them all.

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