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"is this necessary??"  VENT "is this necessary??" VENT

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Unread 01-06-2006, 03:03 PM
"is this necessary??" VENT

I need to vent about my family, namely my mother and SIL, who harangue me about my decision to go ahead with the TAH/BSO. They haven't dealt with my stupid agonizing periods for the last 20 years, the pelvic pain for the last 10, and the host of other symptoms that make me GLAD I'm having this done! All they're concerned about is my future inability to have a baby -- which I had never intended to do anyway! I'm doing this for MY HEALTH, but that seems to not be a good reason.

Gah! So frustrating!!

Thanks for letting me vent. I know they're entitled to their feelings as well, but I wish they'd be more supportive, like my DH, but I thik he's just scared of me right now.
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Unread 01-06-2006, 03:41 PM
"is this necessary??" VENT

I am grateful that my family lived far enough away that I did not have to inform them about my surgery until it was over. Just keep smiling and telling them how happy you are that this option is available to cure your pain. What they would do in a similar situation is not relevant; this is YOUR body, and only you know what's right for you. So just keep accentuating the positive with them and telling them how much you will appreciate any help they can give when you are safely home. Any doubts you may have are best shared here or with your doctor, not with the naysaying relatives. Good luck to you!
Unread 01-06-2006, 03:50 PM
"is this necessary??" VENT

Hang in there!

It's funny how sometimes others' concerns about us are really about them.

I'm continuing learning that I have to learn my life for me.
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Unread 01-06-2006, 03:53 PM
"is this necessary??" VENT

Have you told them how you feel? Maybe if you said something like "If you can't be supportive of my decision, then please don't discuss this issue with me any further. I need positive reinforcement now, not brow-beating!!" it would help??

I would just lay it on the line. Let them know that you've done research and made the right decision for YOU. That is the most important thing here, it is a personal decision-not a political one. It doesn't involve everyone you know, it only involves you and your DH. If your mother and SIL are upset over a desire for grandbabies and nieces/nephews, let them know you never planned on having children and that if you change your mind down the road, there's always adoption.

Gosh! I know this is a difficult time!! I hope this helps, you vent all you want!! Take care of you

Unread 01-07-2006, 11:44 AM
"is this necessary??" VENT

I was lucky that my family was supportive, but perhaps that was because they knew how much I had suffered with my fibroids. Sweetie, you found the right place to vent! We all understand and we have either been there ourselves or are grateful that our relatives were sensitive. I think I will call all three of my MILs and thank them again.

We are here for you... hang in there and give your DH a hug!
Unread 01-07-2006, 12:56 PM
"is this necessary??" VENT

Hi Scotvalkyrie,

I think what we do not fully understand...we judge. Hence...your mom and SIL. They have not been through what you have, so they think it is easy to judge you.

Right now, your ~quality of life~ is more important than your mom and SIL's dreams of a baby. I honestly think THEY are being VERY selfish and not thinking of what is best for YOU. A hyst is ~major~ surgery and right now, they could be rallying to give you positive support. Instead, they are harping on negatives and what-ifs.

I remember listening to a self-help tape by Wayne Dwyer a few years back. He said, "the people you cannot count on in life...are family and friends". Kinda blew me away at the time and having gone through a hyst also with my family and a sister who was not there for me, I think his statement has some truth.

I can suggest the next time your mom and SIL start anything, ask them, what are they scared of??. That will get them thinking. Because you sound very determined...and not scared at all about your decision to have a hyst.

You hang in there. We Hyster Sisters **understand** what you are going through.

Unread 01-07-2006, 01:22 PM
"is this necessary??" VENT

Everyone gives such positive advice. I wish I could be that way, but saying what I really think overrides my limited positive ability. And its not because of hormones, I have always been this way.

You're old enough to know whether you want a baby or not. If they want one so bad, tell them to have one themselves. You gotta do whats best for you.

Thats the way I feel. It would make me angry if someone said that to me. Now page up (or down) and follow better advice (((hugs)))

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