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Too young for this! Too young for this!

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  #1  
Unread 01-06-2006, 08:33 PM
Too young for this!

Hi everyone,
I am new to this and just looking for a place to vent and possibly get some support. I was just diagnosed with invasive adeno carcinoma stage 1b and am having a radical hysterectomy on Mon. January 9th.

Just by searching through the internet, I found that this is much more common than I had ever known. That angers me. Cancer is very scary, and something that I never thought would happen to ME. Then again, who does?

Not only am I dealing with the anger, but I am more depressed than I have ever been in my life. I am 27 and single with no children. It has always been my dream to raise a family. I just recently got out of a 6 year relationship with the guy I thought I would marry, and now am having to deal with this. I can't help but to keep thinking how I will ever meet someone who will want to marry a woman that can no longer have children.

I am not trying to dump all my problems on anyone, but I just don't know how I will ever get over this. Cancer changed my whole life in the minute I found out. You never know how important every day is untill you are faced with something like this.

I guess I am just looking for some words of support. I know I have a long road ahead of me. I had a CT scan and chest xray this week and the results came back good. The cancer seems to be contained in my cervix. That is the first good news I have had in a long time. Now I just hope that I won't need any radiation and that I can keep me ovaries. With all of this to deal with, I am defenitly not ready for menopause.

Sorry this is so long. I just feel so alone right now. Thank you for listening,
K
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  #2  
Unread 01-06-2006, 08:44 PM
Too young for this!

Oh ((kbh27)),
I have not been through your particular situation, so I don't truly know how you feel. But, I can say that you have come to a place that you can talk and vent. You can gain lots of information from the sisters here. You will also find needed support and an ear close by to listen when you need it.
But, I can from experience answer one of your questions. You asked if you will find a man who would marry a woman without children. The answer to that one would be yes. In my case, my husband did marry me knowing I more than likely would never be able to have children due to advanced endo & other complications. He never looked back. You will be just as much a woman as you were before the hyst. Things will just be different and you'll need to give yourself the time you'd give someone else to heal physically and in your heart. Just don't give up on yourself & don't give up on a relationship with a good caring man in the future. If someone truly loves you, they love you for who you are & not what you can do or give them. I send my support and cyber hugs your way. I wish you well on your upcoming surgery. Please keep us posted. Hugs!!!!
  #3  
Unread 01-06-2006, 09:44 PM
I feel your pain!

Hi there! I'm so glad that you found this site! I only find it last month and the Sisters have already brought much relief to my life. It is so healing to be able to *talk* with other women who have similar issues. I, too, am too young for this. I was also recently diagnosed with invasive adenocarcinoma of the cervix. I had a cone on Dec. 12 with the results showing positive margins, meaning I will likely be having a radical hyst in February. I go back for my post-cone exam and follow-up with my gyn-onc on Jan 10. I know how hard it is to think that you will never be able to have children naturally. I am still trying to deal with those emotions myself. While I am married, we have only been married for 2 years and do not have any children. I was devastated both for myself and my husband. It is definitely a tough road, but there has got to be a man out there for you who is willing to deal with your situation lovingly. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and that everything works itself out according to plan. It's just hard practicing what you believe.

Seek the support you need from this group. They are a wonderful bunch of women. Feel free to private message or email me anytime. It's definitely helped me to *talk* to other young women on this site who are or have been in our shoes!

Good luck and keep us posted during your recovery!
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  #4  
Unread 01-06-2006, 10:42 PM
Too young for this!

Hi,

I’m glad you found the site. It has been a source of support and help for me over the past few months.

I understand a lot of the feelings you are having. I’m 26 and was diagnosed with Stage 1B1 cervical adenocarcinoma n August. After tests and a cone biopsy, I had a radical hysterectomy in September. My cancer was contained in the cervix and I didn’t need further treatment. I was also able to keep my ovaries which was a big relief.

I know how absolutely earth shattering a cancer diagnosis is. Especially at our age, you never expect anything like this to happen. It was terrible to be hit with the word cancer and fear of dying and then immediately after be told you were probably going to need a hysterectomy. When I think about that day, I still feel sick to my stomach. Infertility and cancer are devastating, but to have to deal with both is just beyond awful.

I just became engaged to my boyfriend of four years. I still worry occasionally that he may not always be okay with not having children. It was a difficult conversation. I really pushed him to make sure he was okay with being with a cancer survivor who can’t have kids. He is and I have to believe that. He feels that he will be most happy spending his life with me. I know you will find someone who will love you and accept that.

It is a tough road, but you will find strength you never knew you had. You do find a new appreciation for life, one that is definitely hard won.

s and best wishes to you. I was really frightened and upset before my surgery - Please feel free to private message me if I can help with anything.
  #5  
Unread 01-06-2006, 11:16 PM
Too young for this!

I just wanted to send you a hug. Plenty of men do not want children, and even though it's a different life than the one you have imagined for yourself, it can still be good. My hugs and prayers go to you.
  #6  
Unread 01-07-2006, 08:31 AM
Too young for this!

Dear kbh27,
I am 25 and had my hysterectomy in September. I know that sometimes words of comfort ring hollow in our ears and I know that well-intended words of encouragement can often sting. Still, I hope you know that your among friends here and that no apology is necessary for anything you wish to say. I am so sorry that you are experiencing cancer and unexpected infertility and menopause. Having not yet seen the light at the end of the tunnel myself I can only tell you that I'm promised it's there. I am currently in therapy twice a week with a psychologist who specializes in infertility and all its causes including hysterectomy. Is this a possibility for you? I know that I still have terrible times but I find myself actually looking forward to my appointments. It's a drop in the bucket but every little bit helps. I hope that you can find peace and know that you've got lots of support here.
  #7  
Unread 01-09-2006, 09:24 AM
Too young for this!

Big hugs and support. I know how you feel about ever finding someone who will want a woman who can't have kids. I am 30, not married and no kids. I worry every single day about finding someone and then having to tell them that I can never give them kids.

But.... every day I am grateful for what I do have, that I am alive. I think of others whose health and such is much worse than mine.

I know it is little comfort in the middle of the storm and noticed that this is the big day for you. Please know that we are all hear for you and are willing to listen!
  #8  
Unread 01-09-2006, 02:32 PM
Too young for this!

I understand very much how you feel. I had my hyst last year at the age of 22. I am also single and never able to have any children. It still hits me almost everyday, sometimes in a small way, sometimes in a huge cry where I'm so depressed I can't bear it. But I do. I get up the next morning, and I'm ok. (i'm on an anti-dep, which I'm sure helps me alot). Point being, I also did not have a choice in having my hyst. Although I don't have to go through the cancer thing ( i had non-invasive/dysplasia in my cervix and require no further treatment at this time), I have to deal with the forced loss of my fertility by organs that were completely destroyed and unrecognizable from stage 4 endometriosis. I didn't realize it could get that bad! And so fast!
Anyway, I bet another forum where you could get also get support from girls in your shoes is the Cancer Concerns. It couldn't hurt!
I know nothing I can say can really make this go away. But I know how much this hurts. I'm not going to lie and tell you "I'm over it" because I'm not. I'm healing, but I don't think you're ever over it. Some days go by and I don't even think about it. It's like I forget that I don't have a uterus. True, I have some bad days...but I have so many good days. I pray that you will too.

Hugs, Christina
  #9  
Unread 01-09-2006, 04:24 PM
Too young for this!

Hey,

Just wanted to say hope things went ok for you and that your recovery is smooth.I had my hyst when I was 28...I had a PPH 9 days after having my 1st baby, so differrent circumstances, but I still feel way too young to have to deal with hyst related issuses.A loss like this isn't easily adjusted to, but 14 months after my hyst, I am starting to move forward.I hope you get support here you need to feel alittle better and remember youre not alone!

hugs
  #10  
Unread 01-11-2006, 11:04 PM
Too young for this!

Just a word of hope, i am 45 and have been unable to have children. In my late twenties i met a man who had already had children and I have been able to be a step parent and have the DH who was mighty relieved not to have any more children! I am sorry you are feeling so bad, but life does come up with it's own solutions sometimes. Don't give up hope
caffie
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