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Men?? What are your like? Men?? What are your like?

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  #21  
Unread 02-15-2006, 10:30 AM
Men?? What are your like?

Thanks again for the feedback.. Only 2 more sleeps... I agree that who if it's broke take it out.. I can't wait for it to be removed.. more than anything to do with my womanhood.. I just want to feel like me again.. I havent for so long.. This has controlled my life for awhile now, how much time I spend with my children, what we can do, if I'm up to going out with my DH etc....

I have been in bed for the entire week because of the ongoing pain and I want it to stop..

You have been great in answering this thread. I appreciate you guys..
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  #22  
Unread 02-15-2006, 11:08 PM
Men?? What are your like?

my boyfriend said almost the same thing, he said he didn't know what the big deal is and why i'm so scared because he had his appendix removed and he wasn't freaking out or scared like me! his appendix, well it's good to know that losing his appendix compares to me losing my uterus, you know cause of all the life changing decisions he must of faced!!! i think he forgot one important thing, actually a few... kid's, he can go have as many as he'd like (odviously without me), and his appendix- like you stated doesn't make him feel like a man!!!!!!!
  #23  
Unread 02-16-2006, 06:05 AM
Men?? What are your like?

My DH and I have been together for 10 years. We have suffered losses due to miscarriages, celebrated two wonderful children, numerous minor surgeries for endo, blocked breast glands, displasia and others. He was never all they way there emotionally, but I carry so much of that burden that I probably wouldn't have survived what we've been through if he had been on the same wave lenghth. There have been times when I've accused him of not caring, only to find out that he just needed time to process things in his own head before dealing with it. When I first got the word that a hysterectomy is my only option left he didn't say anything and acted as if he didn't want to even discuss it. We went our own emotional ways for more then a month. I held everything inside because I didn't think he wanted to hear about it. Then.... I had a period that brought me to my knees in the kitchen because of pain down my legs and he reacted. He helped me up and held me and said he was so sorry I was going through all this. He asked what he needed to do to help me. I told him about this site, and he ended up reading the misters section, and started to read some of the posts with me describing what all the other women have gone through, and for the first time in 10 years we were on the same page. He since has been wonderful, and I have excepted his lack of verbal communication and let him help me in his own way. He even surprised me a few weeks ago by telling me he had talked to his new boss and made arrangements to do light duty for the first few weeks so that I wouldn't be alone all day. Hes been practicing getting the kids off to school, and took on the meal planning and shopping last week!!! He has always helped with the house stuff because I won't take no for an answer. The rule in our house is its everyones responsibility to take care of it, you don't help, you loose out!! Hes not perfect by any means, but has come through for me at this moment. I give him 2 weeks post op before the stress sets in and hes had enough, but that will at least give me time to get some good rest... lol
I'm feeling comfident about his "being there" right now, and will keep saying my prayers that he will stay there!
Best wishes to all of you,
Donna
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  #24  
Unread 02-16-2006, 09:01 AM
Men?? What are your like?

I truly think men are wired differently than women, hence the disconnect. Men are concrete-women are intuitive. Your expectation that he will understand how you feel is a set-up for disappointment. He is doing the practical things, and that is awesome-tell him that! You are going to have to spell out what you need emotionally. One thing that I told my hubby (of 20 years) is that it was not about him-my emotional state, and that I just needed him to understand how overwhelming this whole process is, and how upside down I was hormonally. He said that really helped him. Also, I suspect that when men are afraid, (like when the woman they love is down and out), they go into self-protective mode. It feels like they are pulling away and thinking about everything other than us. I asked my sister in law to talk to her brother and help him understand what I needed post-op, and that was also a really big help. They are on this scary ride with us, and our fears come into play as well-like, "is he acting like this because he finds me less attractive?" I know how powerful fear can be after this experience-and I will not let it control my recovery. Best of luck to you and your hubby who is learning right along with you!!!

Judy
  #25  
Unread 02-16-2006, 11:49 AM
Men?? What are your like?

Thanks Again For Your Messages.. I'm Having A Hell Of A Day But Reading With You Have Written Has Really Helped Me Out.. I Have A Lot Of Pent Up Emotion/anxiety And Feel I Need A Good Cry To Help Me Feel Better And Then Probably A Nap..
My Husband Has Been Good.. I Told Him That I Just Need Him To Listen And Show Me Some Care And Affection.. He's Been Doing Good.. I'm Trying To Take It One Day At A Time Because I Keep Trying Not To Think Of How This Will Wear My Husband Down And He'll Crack Soon With All The Responsibilities.
(past Experience Tells Me This) But Who Knows..

I'm Going To Email His Family To Ask For Their Support (through Phonecalls) For Him. Just To Let Him Know He's Not Totally Forgotten In The Whole Process.. Help Him With Venting Stresswise..

Okay, Going To Try And Relax A Bit.. Might Rent A Comedy Off The Satellite Or Something...
You Are A Fantastic Bunch Of Ladies And I Totally Appreciate You And Every Message You've Sent.. It Has Made A Huge Difference In My Life..
Carrie
  #26  
Unread 02-16-2006, 08:45 PM
Men?? What are your like?

Dear Carolina,
Good luck tomorrow!! As for my experience with DH, he is a man of very few words and pretty lacking in the emotional support area, but he really surprised me and came through like a prince. All the nurses at the hospital thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread and kept commenting on how spoiled I was, which was really funny. But I must say, I couldn't have asked for a better DH during this time. Men many times are better at showing emotional support through actions than words, and when it comes right down to it I think its alot better to have someone who DOES the right things during this time than SAYS all the right things but maybe doesnt back it up with actions. I bet yours will come through like a trooper.
Best of luck to you!
Lori
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