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Unread 03-07-2006, 07:25 PM
Family and Friends

I have been totally shocked at the responses that I have gotten from my GF and my SIL about my upcoming hysterectomy. Neither one of them have had a TAH-BSO (like I am having) but one has had a TVH-BSO and the other has had a TVH leaving ovaries.
I can't even express how inconsiderate these two women are with me! I am at the point of dis-owning both of them. The GF says today that I should be up and around in a few days and there was no need to cook ahead of time because my DH can go grocery shopping (after working 70 hours a week???) Maybe this is why she has been single for 17 years! She also tells me if I didn't have my 5 dogs that things would be better and then gets on me about having my dogs and tells me I should get rid of them!
She also had forgotten that I am having a abdominal and told me that I didn't need one of those because her uterus was enlarged and they did a LAP on her. Then goes on to tell me I am too old to have long hair and I should get all that crap cut off!
My SIL does nothing but talk about her and her problems and completely dismisses me when I tell her I have fears and concerns about the surgery but moreso with recovery time and pain.

Does anyone else have people that are in their family that have done or are doing this??? It is driving me absolutely nuts.
I don't think I will be answering the phone for a while. Let them wonder how I am!! ha!

Thank you for letting me vent. I have seen all these posts and it seems that you women, that I haven't even met, have more compassion than my own GF and SIL!
I thank you for this site!! I don't know what I would do without being able to see what other women have gone through.
Hystersisters rock!

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Unread 03-07-2006, 08:30 PM
Family and Friends

Sometimes people, especially those who are closest, have the hardest time seeing past themselves.

Perhaps it would be best not to discuss your hyst with them too much, less heart ache for you. You know you can always get lots of support from the sisters on this site.

Best wishes on your upcoming surgery.

Unread 03-07-2006, 08:41 PM
Family and Friends

I come here for my support. My friends have somewhat pulled back from interacting with me. No emails or if there is one, they don't mention it. My DH thinks they can't deal with it so they ignore it. One friend said, oh you'll have your DH to help you. Noooooo as he travels during the week. She also told me to put my dog in the kennel. Noooooo he's my child. Yes they are sometimes inconsiderate. It's definitely impacting how I will take our friendship going forward. I just keep busy and prepare for my day so I can rest and recover 100% without their help.
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Unread 03-08-2006, 06:38 AM
Family and Friends

Sometimes I think people respond the way they do out of fear. They're concerned that things go well and arne't sure how to respond. Discussing it also brings back to the surface their own issues with a similar situation, and they react instead of respond. I'm not sure axing them is the answer. Maybe a more direct approach expressing how it makes you feel when they don't "hear" you would help reminding them that each person's experience is individual to them. Even if they don't respond differently, you've still taken care of yourself by expressing your feelings.

Unread 03-08-2006, 07:45 AM
Family and Friends

That is pretty in sensitive. I have 3 dogs and I wouldn't let any of them go. I have 1-18lb, 1-6lb, 1-120lb dogs. I will manage. Dogs know when there Mommy is sick. So No you need them. As for friends I have not told very many of mine, Just the close ones that are a 4 hour drive away through the mountains (and snow). So I'm safe from that. And as for Family I have my Mother and Father that are just concerned and want to do everything and make me seem like I'm helpless even now when I haven't even had my surgery yet. So they are driving me crazy the other way. But I love them so they can . Just remember they (friends, family) sometimes have strange ways with dealing with things they may after your surgery surprise you and be helpful. Take it easy and stay busy... the
Unread 03-08-2006, 07:50 AM
Family and Friends

I opted to tell no one, aside from my often-overbearing mother, about my abdominal hyst (last week) and while it's a little lonely in my recovery mode here, I just found it easier to deal with my psychoses with the sisters here than with so-called friends. I am very fortunate, however, to have a great husband who's been understanding and somewhat helpful. For me, I didn't want to have to rationalize for other a decision I/we had made years ago!

I have four dogs myself and did have to lay out a few ground rules for our household to function better, mainly to have HIM feed & water the dogs twice daily because bending down for their bowls was impossible. The hardest part was keeping the dogs from nuzzling my belly. You have to be much more stern with them than usual; they know you're not well.

I'm now 9 days into my recovery and while it probably wasn't necessary for me to do all the shopping & pre-prep for this period of my recovery, I've had little in the way of food cravings so right now I'm glad I did so. It's been really easy to pull casseroles out of the freezer for our evening meals. Forget feeling like cooking. Reaching for a pot holds little interest for me still!

Hang in there. Find your 'family of friends' right here and come back often! - connie
Unread 03-08-2006, 08:24 AM
Family and Friends

Kwooe,, I could have written your post a few months ago! Mine was my sisters and friends. I had been feeling horrible for quite some time and had talked about it with my friends and sisters, I guess they got sick of it and said I was a hypocondriac. (These relationships have always been a two-way deal, its never been just about me) Well,,, when the ultrasound revealed my problems were real and a date was set,,, poof, no communication from any of them. That was in December. My surgery is 9 days away and just started getting calls. My "friends" want to take me out drinking???? Any other time in the past 3 months it would have been great, but not the week before surgery. I have to get my family and business situated, and a hangover during my last period would not be helpful. I'm okay with this change of events. I have always been the one to reach out to them and now I don't feel its my responsibility anymore. I have actually reconnected with others and made new friends which I haven't done in a long time. My sister in laws who are near and far have been awesome, and my sisters I have found are just afraid for me. I've learned that we have different friends for different reasons. There are a rare few that you share everything with, and others only some things with. It doesn't make them bad people or less important to you, just makes you more selective with what you reveal about yourself. Its sad,,, we should all try to be accepting and non-judgemental toward everyone, but we're human.
I hope you have a successful surgery and smooth recovery. Take care of yourself!!
Unread 03-08-2006, 09:18 AM
Family and Friends

Kwoooe, I have had very little support from my friends or family, like your friends and family they aren't really listening to my words. I often feel like they think I am a hypocondriac, which I am not, and I know they they talk behind my back. I had one friend say Colleen are you sure you aren't doing all this for attention. The nerve this friend had to even suggest such a thing. I feel extremely alone alot of the time, and misunderstood. I am anxious, scared and doubt my decision daily. I have my mom who has gone thru al samethings as me is great, but she really doesn't want me to talk about it. to you because you had the courage to talk about it. My dh is the greatest too, it took hima few months to agree that havig a hysterectomy was thr right choice. Goodluck hun, keep us posted!!!
Unread 03-08-2006, 09:34 AM
Family and Friends

Kwoooe, I'm new here but I can understand. My DH is already saying that I'll probably milk it for as long as I can. He is one who thinks its just something a woman does to get out of housework.I'm taking him to my pre-op so he will hear it from a man!! that we can't do anything for a few weeks. It might be a good idea to have your SIL and GF read some of these sites.
Unread 03-08-2006, 10:02 AM
Family and Friends

I know exactly how you feel. I have no sisters, but there was one "friend" in particular who was all full of advice about what to get done, keep ovaries or not, the whole nine yards until I had my date set. Keep in mind I discussed all the issues with my doctor, and also my father who is a physician. The decisions I made were based on my issues and the advice of professionals. This particular "friend" has not called, emailed, or visited since well before the surgery. You really do find out who your friends are when the chips are down. Fortunately, my DH and DS's have been a wonderful support, along with a few other close friends. One thing that did amaze me was how understanding work has been, I work mainly with men, there are about 25 men and only 3 women on this job site. Hystersisters is a wonderful place to find support, or just to be able to vent as we are all going through similar issues. Best of luck to you.

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