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Saying goodbye to my Uterus Saying goodbye to my Uterus

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Unread 03-16-2006, 06:28 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

This is silly------ but I feel as I approach the time for my hysterectomy that there should be some kind of prayer or ceremony to send off my female part!!!

The cradle of all being!!! I have mixed feelings and have given some thought to what it all means.

Not expressing this well. I wish I could have born the world a president or great leader of some kind--ya know! I am 59 and have never really known NORMAL motherhood. I was not given a choice and had to adopt my first child at birth. Then a miscarriage. My third child is disabled and still with me-he is 30. He is a beautiful manchild and I don't regret having him not one bit, he is my life work!

I don't know I just think on the personal level that having this hysterectomy should touch me deeper somehow--in a respectful way?

Anyone else feel this way or stopped to think about it????
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Unread 03-16-2006, 06:38 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

It's not silly to me. I, too, have had a sense of loss...... I try to not dwell on it too much, but it's a nagging thought. I am especially sensitive to others tactless comments...... I almost have to plug my ears and run out of the room. Somehow the whole experience has made me ultra sensitive. I try to dwell on the positives. The surgery has saved my life. The surgery has given me more years with my family. The surgery has improved my quality of life. But there are days that it's not that easy to stay positive. Hope this helps.
Unread 03-16-2006, 06:38 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Oh, yes...I have had feelings of sadness and great loss, similar to that of a miscarriage. I have felt betrayed by my own uterus at times. I know that having the hyst. was necessary but that does not keep me from the feelings that I have sometimes. The doc asked me how I feel at my 6 week check...I didn't tell him I felt a great loss...which I do.
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Unread 03-16-2006, 07:14 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

My "x-friend" of about 30 years says to me when I was telling her about how I felt and her comment was "you're not going to use it
anyway" I was so hurt and upset, I haven't talked to her since.. What kind of a person says something like that.. ugh!!! I'm glad I had this surgery and would do it again, but it was still part of me that is now gone forever.
Unread 03-16-2006, 07:27 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

"You're not going to use it..." *Sigh*...isn't that ignorant? <rueful grin> as though the only purpose for a uterus is as a baby factory.

Can't say I blame you for pulling the plug on that relationship, readyforgym. Tells me that your self-esteem didn't suffer any! LOL ... Sorry, I find humor where I can.

As for saying goodbye I find myself going back to my favorite poems that are uterine-related, by Anne Sexton--like "The Operation" and "In Celebration of My Uterus"--and, where womanhood in general is concerned, her beautiful "My Little Girl, My String Bean, My Lovely Woman".

I take solace in knowing that “In this matter of woman and nature, we have cause to feel deeply.” Susan Griffin.
Unread 03-16-2006, 07:28 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

I guess I never thought deeply about this until you posed the question. While I don't regret my decision and I do feel much better now that the surgery is behind me, there is definite feeling of loss. While I'm 46 and didn't want more children, I still find myself staring at pregnant women and realizing that will never happen again for me and there's an "empty space" down there. I think we all feel a sense of loss, but like yayasistershan stated, I too, feel like my uterus betrayed me. I think you're just experiencing normal emotions for someone having to deal with this type of surgery.
Unread 03-16-2006, 07:32 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Thanks Yakeelady. I think my self-esteem is very much intact. Had something else totally unrelated happen yesterday at work and my sister said the same thing as you did.. ;-) ( I ended up quiting my job and I'm not looking back) My husband is so proud of me for standing up for myself. The support that he gave me was just so wonderful I wanted to cry.
Unread 03-16-2006, 07:52 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

I had a wonderful realization yesterday that I hope I can express to share with my hystersisters: I realized that first of all I am more than my body. I am beauty and art and thought and joy and happiness and everything in the world that is wonderful -- we all are. I am a spirit. But here is the body, that I really like, and frankly the whole entire purpose of the *female* body is the uterus -- to forward the human race. So the fact that I have felt a sense of loss, for my body, is correct and expected and I acknowledge it for the loss that it is. I am losing something that is the main reason my body was developed. But it is just a body, and not me. So I have made a deal with my body: sorry for taking your uterus, but I promise to exercise more.

I hope this makes sense, it is hard to communicate in writing (it requires hand gestures or something).
Unread 03-16-2006, 07:54 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

If you look at all of the words we all have used to express ourselves and how we feel on Hystersisters, You'll notice, as I have, how similar the process we go through while getting ready for, then recovering from our hysterectomies is to the process of dealling with death.
Some of mention loss, others betrayal or anger. I'm sure most of us went through a period of denial - I know I did - "If I ignore this, will it go away??". Some reach the acceptance phase sooner than others, but eventually, to complete our recoveries, we will all have to accept our loss, forgive our bodies for betraying us, and move on. As with any greiving process, each of us face it differently, and take different amounts of time to heal, both physically and emotionally. Don't let anyone bully you into thinking you should feel any differently than you do, now or after your surgery. No matter what any of us feel, it is the right thing for US.
Unread 03-16-2006, 08:28 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Ispy ~
Your post meant so much to me. I think it is the closest anyone has come to putting into words how I feel. Thank you so much. I should print it and save it for when people say to me, "But you've never had children and you never will!" Don't they think I know that?! But I am so much more than that. I can still give as much love, if not more, to a child that needs a mommy and not have carried that child in my womb. And yes, I feel that sense of loss and grief and anger and I shout, "It's so unfair!" But, I am in the process of making peace with that loss and focusing on all that I am....all that my husband loves me for. And the bargain about exercising more sounds good to me. I keep telling my body that because we have to endure this loss we will come out stronger on the other side so we can accomplish so much more during the rest of our lives.

I'm so thankful for this site and my sisters here. I'm a lil teary now....hormones or something more?

Ipsy, we also share the same surgery date. Maybe I was meant to read your thoughts?

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