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Saying goodbye to my Uterus Saying goodbye to my Uterus

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  #11  
Unread 03-16-2006, 08:36 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Before I had my hysterectomy, I had 2 or 3 women tell me to get that stuff taken out, you don't need it anymore.
I wish I could feel that way, but I don't.
To top it off, I feel as if I'm being tortured trying to get the correct amount of hrt.
It's good to hear that this feeling of loss is not just me.
Sometimes when I look at the scar I have it bothers me
that they cut me...is that strange?
Thanks Ladies.

Pooch
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  #12  
Unread 03-16-2006, 09:42 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Aww Midwest....it's not silly at all! It's very reasonable to feel that way.
I confess that I couldn't wait to be rid of mine and would even say mean things to it! A week before my hyst. I got my final period.....I looked down at my tummy and said,"well ya better make this one good 'cuz Boy oh boy do I have a BIG surprise for you next week!" One day I was having the most annoying cramps...I looked down and told it,"Ohhhh I'll get you my pretty! And your little ovaries too!!!" followed by an evil little laugh! LOL We all deal with things differently and there really is nothing at all wrong with whatever we feel about our individual feelings.

Best wishes!
  #13  
Unread 03-16-2006, 09:45 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

-readyforgym-
LOL ... Well, your sister's reaction just proves it's true--Great minds ~do~ think alike! <s> and your DH sounds like a wonderful human being! Lucky lady!!

-ispy- Yes you are...we are...more than our bodies but I beg to differ that the only purpose for our uteri (plural form? <g>) is the furthering of the race. I prefer the following affirmation:

Sweet weight,
in celebration of the woman I am
and of the soul of the woman I am
and of the central creature and its delight
I sing for you. I dare to live.
(Anne Sexton (1928-1974), U.S. poet. "In Celebration of My Uterus.")

and I always remember her reaction to her daughter's menarche:
What I want to say, Linda,
is that there is nothing in your body that lies.
All that is new is telling the truth.
I'm here, that somebody else,
an old tree in the background.
(Anne Sexton (1928-1974), U.S. poet. "Little Girl, My String Bean, My Lovely Woman.")
...and I remind myself that my "new" body (the post-hyst) is just as truthful in what it tells me <grin> even as I became and am that "old tree in the background."

I don't believe I mourned the loss of fertility so much as the potential--the option, as it were. It's become easier now, though. I'm finally at a stage when I would have been closing up shop and moving on to that next phase of womanhood (a natural menopause) and I'd no longer have the option of having more kids. In a sense, I'm finally at the right place and time; no longer out of sync with myself, other women my age and life, in general. There's a goodness to cycles that finally come 'round. <smile>
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  #14  
Unread 03-16-2006, 10:07 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Dear midwest and all the other sisters....
We all feel alot alike because we are all having similar issues that bring us to the need or want for the surgery. I had a really hard time being in the presence of pregnant women after my surgery and still do sometimes. A baby is a constant reminder of my loss. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for what I do have. I do not regret my surgery but it has been really tough for me. It sounds like its tough for lots of us. Hopefully it will get easier as I get older. Take care.
You're not alone...
Tami S. in Florida
  #15  
Unread 03-16-2006, 11:05 PM
Thanks so much for this thread...

I am still crying as I type this. Your words - all of you - are affirmations of my feelings.

My uterus has never grown a child. I am 41. We don't know why we couldn't conceive long ago when we tried, but we couldn't (unexplained infertility). So we have three gorgeous, talented and fabulous children, adopted at birth, that I couldn't imagine life without. I was meant to be their mother and I don't care how that happened.

Now fibroids have taken over my entire pelvic region (22-24 week size). I didn't want to take a surgical route, but last Fall a distant relative who was an OB GYN said "perhaps it is time to release your uterus back to the universe" and use that energy for something else... I started thinking about how much energy I spent planning my life around menstrual floods and sleeping away hours with anemic lack of energy... so I started to let the idea in - that life could be better WITHOUT that part of me.

It's taken quite some time to get there and accept this solution. Obviously, by my tears as I read your posts, I am still grieving this loss even before it actually happens. I too, want some kind of symbolic "goodbye".

I'm searching for the right activity that would return my uterus to the universe. Frankly, I'd like to take it and bury it in the earth somewhere significant to me. I don't like to think of it in some hazardous hospital waste bucket.

I doubt that is possible, but I am thinking of asking for some "snip" when my pre-op biopsy is done. Maybe that would suffice as a symbol.

THANKS ALL for your words and your hearts and your understanding. It is definitely parallel to a death, no question.

-k.

THANK YOU uterus for not bearing children, so that I might parent the 3 kids I have.

GOOD BYE to 'usually-friendly' cycles of life that have kept me company for over 30 years and reminded me subtly of my life-giving power as a woman.

HELLO to an era where I focus on getting ME as healthy as possible again.
  #16  
Unread 03-17-2006, 12:52 AM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

I felt that way the week before............ almost a sadness for my uterus!, I still feel strange now that it's gone, in fact I have a hard time looking at that area!.
  #17  
Unread 03-17-2006, 06:07 AM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

The removal is so symbolic for me. My ability to have children ended when they took my felopian tubes at 19. I didn't grieve that loss until in my mid-20's. Because of my young age at the time, they didn't remove any other reproductive organs. This led to years of suffering. I'm thankful my reproductive organs functioned enough to give me my only child 10 months before losing my felopian tubes--he'll be 25 next month. Having the hysterectomy combined with tummy tuck will remove the physical suffering but will also remove the scars that remind me daily of how much I previously abused my body. (I was extremely obese for years!) I like to think that I am more than the sum of my parts or the lack thereof. Thanks for this post because it caused me to pause and reflect.

Maxine
  #18  
Unread 03-17-2006, 06:32 AM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Well, I did have a ceremony, and it was cleansing. I felt very calm going into surgery. However, I did not grieve as I had felt so bad for so long. I was more than ready to move on and enjoy my later years.

Grieving the loss of your uterus is a normal process, and you should allow the feelings to come through. But, a uterus is not what makes us a woman. We are still the nurturers, the leaders, the strong individuals we have always been. Our bodies have changed, but our spirit is intact. This is how I have approached it. I was long past my fertility years when I had my surgery, but I wanted to keep my parts. When I knew this was not going to be an option, I accepted it as I knew I had tried other options that did not work. At this point, I'm looking forward to many healthy years ahead, and maybe I can even help someone else in their journey.

I hope all of you find peace in your decisions.
  #19  
Unread 03-17-2006, 07:26 AM
scared, confused, greiving & guilt stricken

I am so relieved to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I am 37, have 2 wonderfull boys and 2 wonderfull step children. My DH and I laughed when people had started asking us if we were going to have children of our own. With teenagers we did not want to start all over again. But for some reason the fact that I will never be able to experience this again is really bothering me. And at times I feel like I will be less of a woman, Damaged. I'm not dealing with this well.

Yes people are mean or inconsiderate. I wish they would just say nothing at all instead of being hurtfull. And I wish they would teach their children to do the same.

I also feel a tremendous amount of guilt. I am having my hyst. due to uterine prolapse. Everything is healthy it just won't stay put. And I wonder if the aggressivly active tomboy life I've lived has caused this. My own mother has chastised for it saying that if I had been more a lady instead of trying to be one the guys I wouldn't have this problem. After all she had 5 kids and nothing moved. I am hurt. I was counting on her support...but she is offering none and has made it clear that she will not be able to help me afterwards.

I was feeling so alone but once again I have found comfort here knowing that we are in this together and I will never be truely alone.
  #20  
Unread 03-17-2006, 07:45 AM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Bonnie,

Can you share whatever you feel comfortable sharing about your ceremony?

-k.
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