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Saying goodbye to my Uterus Saying goodbye to my Uterus

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Unread 03-17-2006, 09:20 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Oh Sweet Women,
We all come to this decision from different pasts, but we all share that some point we have to face the grieving process... and we all have to do this in our own way. Depending on what brought us here, this may be easier for some of us. No matter what, this is hard and (often bittersweet decision) and I pray that each and every one of you have love and support in your life to be there for you if you run across someone that says thoughtless and painful things.

I pray that everyone finds peace and comfort.
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Unread 03-17-2006, 09:51 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

FallFlower! It's so good to hear the "lilt" in your voice. Made my day!!

Wanted to suggest the "Coming Out Party" thread here in the pre-op forum ( ... maybe you could incorporate an idea or two from here? I think it's super that your sons are up for commemorating the experience...kind of like a good ol' fashion Irish wake!

Wish we lived closer, I'd hint for an invitation but I'll settle for a blow-by-blow of the festivities. You take care, you're going to be fine...and keep us posted!
Unread 03-17-2006, 11:10 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Hi Midwest! What an excellent thread! I couldn't stop the tears, tho, had to leave and come back. Doesn't help that I had just come back from my friend's Mom's wake, funeral tomorrow. Just that much more emotional. Anyhow, I was quite introspective on my way home from work today (an hour long drive gives me sometimes way too much time to think)and it hit me that once I have the surgery, I would never be able to carry a baby--I know, duh! But the thing is, I have said for a while now that I couldn't wait for menopause, for the painful periods to end (and to be warm for a change-lol). Then I had my biggest clot and worst pain ever and saw my GP who sent me for tests and to the gyne. Gyne gave hysterectomy as an option and I didn't jump at it. Told him I had to think about it. I just wasn't ready to lose that part of me. My DD's thought I was nuts-they saw some of my suffering and I really am done having kids as I had a tubal ligation 17 years ago. They thought I should have a good-bye party and use the pads to write a banner. I couldn't quite get into that mood. I'm not mad at my uterus-she gave me 4 beautiful children. Its AF and what she does to me and my body that I hate. Unfortunately she resides in my uterus. Like Yankeelady said-its the loss not of fertility, but of the potential that struck me today.
I've been able to avoid the thoughtless comments and questions by not telling anyone yet, only my DH, DD's and DS's know. I tell myself that its because I haven't got a date yet......but honestly, I'm just not ready to face people.
Yeah Midwest, you started a good thread with some very good posts--excellent thoughts and ideas. Thankyou all, I needed this
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Unread 03-18-2006, 12:36 AM

the way that I feel. I think it is the "finality" of it. I am 43, have 3 children, have had 7 miscarriages and a stillborn. In my head, I know that any more children are out of the question, and really don't know that I would even care to try, but having that option taken away from me bugs me. People say stupid stuff and don't even realize what they said. When I had my stillborn I heard some real winners. "Good thing she died at birth, you didn't get a chance to love her." "It was for the best, something was probably wrong with her." How people can possibly think these were comforting statements is beyond me!

You aren't alone!

Unread 03-18-2006, 01:43 AM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Wow! People can be really [email protected]*$ (DUH!) sometimes! I don't know what the right thing to say is...if there is even anything...but those are not it! When a close friend of mine's DD was stillborn I couldn't find words so I just put my arms around her and we cried together. What else can you do? So glad to hear that you had 3 *gifts* though.

midwestcaregive ~
This is one of the best posts I've been involved in yet! I really needed this. Thank you everyone! You are all such special women.
Unread 03-18-2006, 06:00 AM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

It was my second round of fibroids that led me to a hysterectomy. And when I talked to my doctor when the fibroids came back the second time, and she told me that a TVH was my best option, it still took me about a year to commit to doing it. What hurt the most for me was that my body was making the decision... it would no longer be a conscious decision that I would be making by taking a pill every day. For some reason that really cut to the quick and was bittersweet. I liked it being MY choice. I had to mourn.

And then that mourning brought back the recent loss of my Dad and it turned into a black hole of mourning. Losses tend to make you revisit and re-evaluate other losses. I had to look at the meaning of my life... my purpose... and claw my way back out. It was hard but I did it. I am stronger for it, but I still have some shaky times ~ but it is hard for me to know which loss is making me shaky. Luckily the shaky times are fewer and farther between now. Thank God for friends and family that have been there for me.
Unread 03-18-2006, 08:05 AM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

People say stupid stuff and don't even realize what they said. When I had my stillborn I heard some real winners. "Good thing she died at birth, you didn't get a chance to love her." "It was for the best, something was probably wrong with her." How people can possibly think these were comforting statements is beyond me!
OMG Deb! How insensitive! I don't know how you made it through so many losses! I had one miscarriage and was floored when the nurse said (during a crying spell)"you have two at home already and you're young, you can have more" OMG! Its not like the baby is a puppy or a goldfish you can go to the store to replace. And you love your baby the minute you think you are pregnant. I had the crib set up, sleepers mended (the seams started coming apart-third baby) everything ready and nobody thought to put it away when I came home. There was an empty crib-ouch! And just because a baby isn't perfect, doesn't mean you don't want her. None of us is perfect, for goodness sakes!
I'm sorry, I'm crying again. Spasmo is right. Deb, here are 's for you.
Unread 03-18-2006, 08:49 AM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

I am gaining so much insight into the STRENGTH of us WOMEN. Thank you for sharing all !! It is just amazing to me we explore our feelings, our past experiences and what going through this hysterectomy
means on a deeper level to us. I had a epiphany ! By looking inward we are better prepared outwardly and one of the secrets to our strength.

Men would never do this !! In fact just discussing this thread with my DH(((( Mr. Macho man)))--he couldn't handle it--didn't want to hear about it and closed off. Ha!I

AS <<Ispy>>> writes----- Hope this makes sense, it is hard to communicate in writing (it requires hand gestures or something).

I just love that <<<Ispy>> If you could see me talk you would understand.
Unread 03-18-2006, 10:01 AM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

Fallflower, your mom is just unbelieveable. My heart goes out to you. You didn't cause this by being a tomboy, or by anything else you did. This is just the hand you were dealt, and it could even have some genetic basis. Bet your mom would love to hear that! Just tune her out. Fortunately your DH and kids are supportive.

For you ladies who wanted children, I don't know what to say to make you feel better because no one but you really knows how you feel inside. My heart goes out to you, too.

While I really didn't grieve for my uterus, I still feel some sense of loss. I know for my health and well being this was the right thing to do. I was tired of the bleeding controlling my life. But, my mother had an uneventful menopause (she has been surprisingly supportive, BTW), and my sister seems to be having no problems. My other sister had a hyster at 29 for cervical cancer. I guess sometimes I feel I should have been able to tough it out. Even once I am all healed, I wonder if I will question my decision.
Unread 03-18-2006, 10:05 PM
Saying goodbye to my Uterus

I'm getting ready to have my lsh in a week and I think the friend who told you "your not going to use it anyway" didn't mean to offend you. I think we are all just way too sensitive right now to be rational. What are people going to say if they haven't gone through this? 30 years is a long time to have a friend and they don't come around in bunches.
Good luck to us both

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