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No One To Be With Me In The Castle??? No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

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  #1  
Unread 03-31-2006, 11:56 AM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

My husband told me he will be with me all day Tuesday during surgery and spend the night if necessary but he plans to go to work Wed, Thurs and Fri. I am scared that I will need help during the day at the hospital and won't have anyone there with me other than the nurses.

Has anyone done this? Am I unreasonable? I am very independent, but I am a bit scared to be alone after such a major surgery.

My GYN said I will probably go home Friday. Hubby said if I do to remember he has to coach soccer practice that night and he coaches a soccer game the next day.

He also told me he won't be a "slave" to my illness and "enable" me. His mother is an invalid and he sees what it has done to his father - so he is distancing himself from me - I think to make me tough so I won't end up like his mom.

Can I get through this alone? I will have my Dad and my brother there Tuesday & Wednesday morning, but have no other help on the horizon.

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  #2  
Unread 03-31-2006, 12:06 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

MyMacey...you sound a strong, independent type and I'm sure you would be able to get through this alone The fact of the matter, however, is that you shouldn't have to. Personally, I think on this one occasion, your needs after major surgery come way higher than soccer practice. Your husband surely should know you are a survivor-type and are not about to become his mother overnight, nor he his father. You situation is temporary.

I don't think your request for support from him is at all unreasonable. If the shoe were on the other foot, what would he expect?

Hope it works out for you
  #3  
Unread 03-31-2006, 12:07 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

My DBF had to go to Texas to be with his family, his mother fell and broke her hip, so I will more than likely be alone at Hospital- after the initial surgery, my Mom will have to take my daughter back home, and then Daddy back home, and won't be back until I am released.

I am not looking forward to it, so I know how you feel.

I hope I can deal with it OK. I hope you do too.

Hugs. T
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  #4  
Unread 03-31-2006, 12:15 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Lev
MyMacey...you sound a strong, independent type and I'm sure you would be able to get through this alone The fact of the matter, however, is that you shouldn't have to. Personally, I think on this one occasion, your needs after major surgery come way higher than soccer practice. Your husband surely should know you are a survivor-type and are not about to become his mother overnight, nor he his father. You situation is temporary.

I don't think your request for support from him is at all unreasonable. If the shoe were on the other foot, what would he expect?

Hope it works out for you

Lev,

Thank you! I feel like I'm whining and I don't want to. But I agree, shouldn't I be more important than soccer practice the night I get home from surgery? I'm sure I will be OK - it just hurts my feelings.
  #5  
Unread 03-31-2006, 12:18 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

Hi T.

I'm sorry you will be alone. When you start reading about things, it makes you feel like "how am I going to do this without someone there to help me???"

You and I are both strong and independent. We will be OK. Good luck on Monday - I'll be there right after you on Tuesday.

Maybe we can come up with helpful info on how to navigate the hospital and going home without family or friends there to help.

Prayers and Blessings to You.
  #6  
Unread 03-31-2006, 12:24 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

I agree with Lev - this shouldnt be compared to DH's mother - but I often think that men are just scared of the whole thing. At this point, I am personally hopping to be left alone while in the hospital after the inital surgery. I think I will want to sleep as much as I can, but who knows.
I hope everything goes well for the both of you.
  #7  
Unread 03-31-2006, 12:26 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

So sorry your husband isn't going to be there for you.I have surgery on a wednesday.My husband is taking wednesday and thursday off to be with me.Then my mom is going to stay with me.I told my husband I wasn't going to do anything for 6 weeks because I only have 1 time to heal right.He said that fine.He don't blame me.Maybe you need to sit him down and talk to him and tell him this is major surgery.What helped my husband was to read about hysterectomies.There is a hystermister(I believe thats the name)It will tell your husband what you can and cannot do and for how long.I believe this will help your husband understand what you are going to go through.Good luck and I wish you well.
  #8  
Unread 03-31-2006, 12:28 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

I know I'm strong, and Independent, and that I will and can survive this, its a just a moment in time.

MyMacey: You'll be OK too, I think we do what we have to do, when we have to do it.

I am done feeling sorry for myself. I will enjoy this weekend, and THANK GOD, this is my LAST day of work for 6 weeks :

I might take a little ride tomorrow before I go get Julia, to just feel the wind in my face, feel the freedom.

Hugs. T
  #9  
Unread 03-31-2006, 12:35 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

MyMacey: I know how you are feeling, but in all honesty, I come from a house of men who's lives have revolved around sports for 25 years and most of those times it has come before me. But in that time I have come to the fact that these guys are dedicated and depended on for those teams. I have also found that the man does not like to see his independent wife need help because it freeks him out I think mostly because men are fixers and they don't know how to fix this. During my recovery I would say something like "oh my gosh I hurt today..." and my husband would say "how can I fix it?". I would laugh and just say that of course there was nothing he could do but thanks for asking. You will be fine in the hospital because at the most you will get up to go to the bathroom or go for a walk down the hall both in which you will hit the nurses button if you aren't able to do it by yourself. More than likely you will have a catheter the first day or so and you won't even need to use the restroom. Once you get home, have him set you up with a tv tray next to you on the couch with some crackers, a drink, the remote, something to read, chapstick, a blanket, slippers or socks (have him put them on for you before he leaves! my feet were always cold) and you should be set. He will go to the game and be back before you know it. It's a good time for you to have a little down time and get some sleep. My husband stayed home with me for two days after I got home from the hospital and I got tired of watching sports and told him to go back to work! Don't think your husband is a bad person. This is probably the first time he has had to deal with anything like this with you. You may just want to say something like "I understand that you feel you need to go to these games, but could you come right home afterwards because I'm a little scared about being by myself and would really like you here with me, if anything just for the company and comfort of knowing you are here." It should help alot. At least I hope it does! Good luck
  #10  
Unread 03-31-2006, 12:50 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

  Quote:
Originally Posted by tread
What helped my husband was to read about hysterectomies.There is a hystermister(I believe thats the name)It will tell your husband what you can and cannot do and for how long.I believe this will help your husband understand what you are going to go through.Good luck and I wish you well.
Thanks Tread,

I did buy DH the e-book and he has read some of it. I know I'm a bit emotional right now so part of it is that I think he doesn't/won't love me. I know this isn't true - but it's part of the emotional thing I'm going through right now.
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