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No One To Be With Me In The Castle??? No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

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  #21  
Unread 03-31-2006, 01:56 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

MyMacey, I have my TAH-BSO tomorrow (and just got back from the pre op at the doc's this morning). My DH will be there during surgery, then back home after I'm settled in bed, then come back down that evening for awhile. Sunday, he won't be there because he's working (afternoon). We have a kennel (collies) and they are our 'babies'. I have to say my DH has been great throughout (although VERY nervous and scared)...and he said that reading the Hystermisters page, and the checkpoints has REALLY helped him. Oh, he was so proud of that, he told the surgeon he had his printed out checkpoints for post op with him (smile).

I wish you a speedy recovery and will thinking of you on your day.

Pam
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  #22  
Unread 03-31-2006, 02:08 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

My Macey;

You can do this. You will be fine. You will have your nice meds (I hope they are kind to you). Bring chocolates to the nurses and they will be super nice to you. I am bringing my stuffed bunny with me to cuddle with.

I will be there in thought and spirit for you.

Hugs and good vibes
T
  #23  
Unread 03-31-2006, 02:21 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

Thanks all for the ideas - glad to know it can work well with a partner present or without.

MyMacey, I'd be ticked that dh didn't at least ask if you wanted him to skip soccer. Thank goodness my dh is not into sports like my BIL - my sis has to put up with a lot of sports commitments from her dh that would drive me nuts.

If the men don't understand, we should be able to tell them how it is. How's this? I'll try it on my last date tonight:

I don't WANT to be the strong person I usually am during this time. I WANT to lean on someone and have someone understand that I can't care for everyone else during this recovery. The next 6 weeks are ALL ABOUT ME. The rest of life is usually about them, so can't we devote 6 weeks to being about me? I am the leader, the caregiver, the organizer, the planner, etc. etc. The "go to" player. But I can't do it and recover at the same time. Not only do I need someone to be my backup in those other roles, I need someone to ask me how I'M doing! Or just stay in the room and watch me sleep to make sure my incision doesn't split open by itself.

If men want to "fix" things then we need to tell them that what is broken is the care and attention they give us, and they can fix it by being in the room, listening without responding unless we ask for input, and holding our hands.


That said, I am forcing my dh to leave the hospital the night I go in so he can attend a city meeting in my place! But he can come back in the morning even if he just reads a book sitting by my side.

Thanks again for the ideas, glad it can work both ways. Sure hope I raise my son to understand that everyone can be vulnerable at some point and we should all be able to listen and respond with empathy and consideration.

My 2 cents.
-k.
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  #24  
Unread 03-31-2006, 02:24 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

Hi

The nurses are wonderful and that's what they're there for ... to help you ... and they will! And they'll certainly be of more help than your DH because they'll know exactly what to do for you. I wouldn't have trusted my immediate aftercare to my DH ... bless him! Professionals are what you need at that time.

My DH wasn't there before, during or after my surgery anyway and I got through everything just fine. I also couldn't even tell my mother about the surgery ... had to keep it from her for months, until I was well again, so as not to upset her. In retrospect, I was very alone but I didn't dwell on it at the time.

Us ladies are strong and it's amazing what we can do when we have to! Positive thoughts and deep breaths.

  #25  
Unread 03-31-2006, 02:29 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

My Macey,

The ladies are right, you will be just fine. The hospital staff will take good care of you.

I go in on Tuesday as well. My DH is taking Tuesday off work, he wants to be there when I go in, and come out, and get settled in my room. I actually told him to go back to work on Wed, Thurs & Friday. I know (at least Wednesday), I'll be sleeping most of the time, and he has more productive things to do than watch me sleep. If he takes all that time off work, it will just make things 20x more hellish for him when he gets back. We both agreed the hospital staff are more qualified to care for my essential needs in the first 72 hours than he is. He'll have plenty of time to fawn over me at home

He will be coming up each night after work, and will do some walking with me. I'm also going to have him take me for a shower, rather than a nurse. And, if I'm released earlier in the day on Friday, he'll leave work and come and bring me home.

I'm really okay with this arrangement. I've packed lots of stuff to read... including a novel I started 2 months ago and haven't had time to pick it up since! I'm kind of looking forward to some quiet time, resting a lot, and just noodling around on my own.

You'll be okay, promise!
  #26  
Unread 03-31-2006, 02:40 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

MyMacey-

Without getting into the issues of that callous "enable" comment, I think you will be just fine alone in the castle by Thurs., in fact, you may prefer it that way.

My significant other of 11 years was with me A LOT. I was grateful his was the first face I saw when I woke up, the first one to hold my hand and tell me about some unexpected surgical findings. He felt better being there with me, and I felt better with him there...until the next day.

The day after surgery I had such horrible gas pains, I could not get comfortable, I was bored out of my mind, I'd get snoozy from the pain medicine and not want to doze with him or anybody there. The worst: The gas would be moving and if I felt the "urge" there was no way I could "let loose" with him 2' away from me!!!! My SO would stay for HOURS. Many, many HOURS! Circumstances were different - he does not live in the same state as I do, so he took time off from work to come to Maine to help out. He had no job or other responsibilities to worry about while with me other than to make sure the dog was OK! Poor guy was bored out of his mind too....but he always had a smile on his face!

The nurses were wonderful - I did not NEED my significant other there. There was always a nurse and a CNA available at the push of the call button. Your DH will be there for your surgery and immediately after - and that will be a comfort to you. He will be there with you when you wake up, and how sweet of him, despite the "enabling" thing, to offer to spend the night with you if need be. After that, you may appreciate the time alone and you certainly will be well taken care of by the nursing staff. You should be up and walking by Thursday when the troops leave you, so you can go to the kitchenette on the floor and stock up on OJ, crackers, etc - it's a great reason to get out of bed and move around! If you can't for some reason, the nurses are there at the press of a button.

Best wishes to you for an uneventful visit to the castle!
  #27  
Unread 03-31-2006, 02:56 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

PAM - Good luck tomorrow. You have a sweet DH. Let me know how you do.
  #28  
Unread 03-31-2006, 02:57 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

(((Tamque))))

You have such good ideas. I want one of my daughter's teddy bears. The chocolates will be nice too for the staff. I know I'll be OK.
  #29  
Unread 03-31-2006, 03:01 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

[quote=popcornkelly]
I don't WANT to be the strong person I usually am during this time. I WANT to lean on someone and have someone understand that I can't care for everyone else during this recovery. The next 6 weeks are ALL ABOUT ME. The rest of life is usually about them, so can't we devote 6 weeks to being about me? I am the leader, the caregiver, the organizer, the planner, etc. etc. The "go to" player. But I can't do it and recover at the same time. Not only do I need someone to be my backup in those other roles, I need someone to ask me how I'M doing! Or just stay in the room and watch me sleep to make sure my incision doesn't split open by itself.

If men want to "fix" things then we need to tell them that what is broken is the care and attention they give us, and they can fix it by being in the room, listening without responding unless we ask for input, and holding our hands.
QUOTE]

I couldn't have said it better myself. This brought a tear to my eyes. I am strong, but I'm anemic right now and oh so tired. I WANT someone to take care of me. I know I'll be OK - but ditto what you said above.
  #30  
Unread 03-31-2006, 03:03 PM
No One To Be With Me In The Castle???

Pooodle - You were brave. I feel vulnerable right now (not like me at all). I'm glad you shared with me that you were able to do it alone at the hospital.
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