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4 days to go and need support 4 days to go and need support

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  #1  
Unread 04-28-2001, 10:38 AM
4 days to go and need support

Hi Everyone,
The last time I posted I received replies that were so helpful, so I'm back and in need of more. I am on an emotional rollercoaster. One minute I'm okay, the next I'm really anxious, the next I'm crying, and later I'm feeling confident about the surgery! I mentioned before that I'm having a supravcervical abdominal hyst., due to endo, possible adenomyosis, and PAIN. I forgot to mention my age - I'm 33, and while I do feel that this is the best decision for me, having tried other unsuccessful treatments, I'm having a hard time dealing with what this all means. Even though I have two wonderful children (ages four and a half and one and a half), and I will hopefully keep my ovaries, its the "having the surgery before the usual time" that's hard. I'm so tired of dealing with other people's reactions ("Are you sure? You're so young"). I know that lots of women my age and younger have this, but I do feel a strong sense of loss. (And I'm trying not to listen to other people's reactions, unless I ask for them, like here). My surgery is scheduled for Wed. May 2nd, and I'm also just plain scared! It really does help to hear from you, so any advice would be wonderful.
Thank you,
CJB
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  #2  
Unread 04-28-2001, 10:46 AM
4 days to go and need support

CJB - What you're feeling is all very normal. I was so scared prior to surgery...cried almost every day. Pre-op is a roller coaster of emotions...no doubt about that.

My surgery and recovery were uneventful and I feel wonderful. We'll be with you every step of the way.

Try to do something relaxing the next few days...hot baths before bed time...fun things with the family etc.

Sending calming thoughts and prayers your way.

PS...Don't forget to pack some chapstick
  #3  
Unread 04-28-2001, 11:09 AM
4 days to go and need support

Hi CJB.
I'm 33 as well (and 11 days post-op), with three children. For the past seven years I've had problems, which have worsened as time progressed. No physician would even consider a hyst with me, though I knew that my youngest (twins, now nearly 8) were my last children. All of them thought that I was too young, that I'd change my mind about wanting more kids, etc. Finally, with my last round of problems, I was referred to a specialist who took my symptoms to heart, and trusted my judgement and decisions. Oddly, no one has been critical of my choice, or has commented on my age or anything....but then, I have made it clear that three children are all that I desire (or can handle!), and that what I've experienced had left surgery the only option (after other treatment failures).

Really, I don't believe that there is any "having surgery before the usual time." Every person and case is unique, and we all cannot expect to fit into the mold of 'normalcy.' What I hear you saying is that there are a lot of people trying to second guess your decision; and while they may be well-meaning and trying to keep your interests at heart, that's not always what it feels like to you. Could this be contributing to the sense of loss you mentioned feeling?

Regarding that sense of loss....do you think it's because you will be losing a part of yourself, or because you'll be losing the chance of carrying another child?

Physically, ultimately, having the surgery will help soooo much with the problems you've experienced. So that's probably a pretty good trade off. But with having more children....if you keep your ovaries, there is always the option of a surrogate. Or adoption.

I realize that the thought of surgery can be such a scary thing (although I didn't become frightened until I was actually in the OR, and then it was too late!). Is there anyone you know who has had the same procedure that you can talk to for support? Just try to focus on the benefits of what will happen, and keeping yourself busy until the day arrives would help greatly (re-directing your thoughts into energy, plus you'll get done what you won't be able to for a while after). And remember, hon...there's lots of us who have been through it and will be here for you. *hug* Aleks
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  #4  
Unread 04-28-2001, 11:36 AM
4 days to go and need support

Hi CJB,

I am 34 and have not yet set a date for my surgery. I just wanted to tell you that I can really relate to what you've written. I have no kids, my husband and I decided that and are fine with that, but suddenly it seemed different with the prospect of our decision being really final. I have been oscilating between confident resolve and wishing I could just make this all go away!!

Something I did was that as this evolved I made a decision to confide in a very small circle of support. My husband, sister, and Mom. I can tell them anything and they listen to my concerns anbd fears and are supportive not judgemental. When this began and and before I knew definitively what was going on I had begun to tell other people, another friend with whom I am less close, a couple clients (I thought I owed them an explaination for my decreased ability to work...) at some point I just wasn't comfortable sharing and just decided who my confidants would be. This has help me immensely. For others I keep it short and sweet and private.

I don't know if that helps, but just know you can choose how much to share and choose to seek council with those who are supportive of you. I know the others probably really care and are just trying to help... but you shouldn't have to expend your energy on dealing with other people's reactions right now. Concentrate on nurturing yourself and taking quiet time to come to terms with your loss.

Take Care,

Susan
  #5  
Unread 04-28-2001, 05:04 PM
4 days to go and need support

{{{{CJB}}}}

I know what you are going through on that pre-op emotional roller coaster. As for the finality of not being able to have any more children: I really don't think age makes a difference. I am 50, divorced, and was still hopeful that I would find a man who loved me and wanted to have a baby with me. So it's an issue that comes up for many of us when we are faced with this surgery. YOU are the only one who can decide what is right for you. It's too bad when people say things that unnerve you, but they are probably not aware of how hurtful it is. Just wanted to let you know that we are here to support you. Good luck.

Lots of hugs,
  #6  
Unread 04-28-2001, 05:35 PM
4 days to go and need support

hi cjb my name is emme ihad my surgery on April 10 I too was extremely nervous, but everything is going great I breezed through the surgery and I am recovering well. Just remember your quality of life is going to improve. I suffered 5 yrs. I had hormone therapy did' nt work balloon abblation did'nt work finally after bleeding 32 days my Docter asked if I was ready I said yes, and nerver regretted my decision. Just remember you will be hurting after surgery but keep taking your pain meds and get plenty of rest the first week and drink plenty of fluids.I wish you the best of luck, you will be just fine. I know this because May 2nd is my son's 11th b-day.
  #7  
Unread 04-28-2001, 05:40 PM
4 days to go and need support

Hi Everyone,
Your messages have been so helpful to me. It really helps to hear your experiences and thoughts, and your good wishes mean a lot! I am allowing myself to feel all the emotions, while also trying to focus on how much the hyst. will help my quality of life.
Thanks for your support,
CJB
  #8  
Unread 04-28-2001, 05:51 PM
4 days to go and need support

I'm 45 and my surgery date is June 6 (D-Day or as my friends have named it V-Day, oh ha, ha!) My nerves are just about shot also. Now just keep smiling. I tell those insensitive no-it-alls that I have done the research, I have a great doc., and they should not feel sorry for me. I am psyched! I am ready! I know what I need and want. I am on day 18 of bleeding a pain. No person should have to live with this. Keep the faith! The sisters are here!
  #9  
Unread 04-28-2001, 08:01 PM
4 days to go and need support

(((((((CJB)))))))

It's been almost a year since I made the apointment for my June 2, 2000 surgery - I had to wait nearly two months from scheduling to the actual surgery date. My surgeon was great with a scalpel but dismal at human communication. She literally told me NOTHING, and I had no idea what questions I should be asking, so I looked a a website to answer my questions while I waited.

Thankfully, I found the Sisters. At first they scared me to death! Six weeks off of work???!? No housework for at least a month??!!!?? Wierd post-op things???!!?? What on earth had I signed up for????!!

But by the time I was where you are - four days pre-op - I was ready and rarin' to go. I'd gone back to my surgeon well-armed with good questions and got some good answers. I became my own better health advocate. Best of all, I immersed myself in the idea of no more days doubled over in pain because there wasn't enough Advil in the word to even take the edge off my monthly cycle; the idea of no more days spent DREADING those inevitable days of pain. No more lame apologies for rude, snappish behavior and keeping my loved ones on pins and needles, offering a feeble, "I'm sorry, it's just that time of the month."

My dear CJB, I'm here to tell you that my TAH (kept my ovaries) was the best health decision I've made in years. My dreams of good health have come true, and at 43 I feel younger than I did at 33. I only wish I'd taken my internist's advice 5 years ago when she first suggested that this might be the answer I was looking for.

Best of luck to you, Sister!!! May you live happily and hormonally-balanced forever.
  #10  
Unread 04-28-2001, 09:32 PM
((((((HUGS))))))

Me too. I am going in the same day. I too am feeling the exact same feelings. Dread, confidence, doom, ready for anything, etc...
I think that this is just the way it is going to have to be. The funny thing is that I am not really afraid of the surgery, I am afraid of being put to sleep. What will it feel like? Will I wake up? Will I try to fight it? I am sure that I will feel silly in a month or two.
I will think of you on May 2nd. We will be okay.
Brenda.
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