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Am I being selfish? Am I being selfish?

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Unread 04-20-2006, 05:13 PM
Am I being selfish?

Hello. I am 6 days post op from an LSH and my partner has comiitted to a friend to help her move her mother from a hospital in PA to a nursing home here. She will be gone 24 hours starting this Sunday. I of course cannot drive yet and do not feel comfortable being by myself for a full 24 hours with the upkeep of the house and 5 pets. Her friend has a sister in MA whom is very close to their mom and also works from her home so has the time (and also the financial means to help with their mom's move). Am I being selfish??? So I don't have a large abdominal incision but 4 "stab wounds" I am totally bummed right now. Kim
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Unread 04-20-2006, 05:22 PM

no I don't think you're being selfish;after all you're really freshly home from the castle and I'm sure you're feeling vulnerable. Is there a compromise? Do you have a good friend who could come over and spend the time with you, help you out with pets and share some laughs? It could be a relaxing break instead of a fearful one. Just a thought--
Unread 04-20-2006, 05:24 PM
Am I being selfish?

I don't think you are being selfish at all. Six days after my LSH, my partner was going to work, but she was coming home at lunch and checking in with me on the phone. She only works 2 miles away so could come home at a moment's notice if necessary. I needed the extra attention because I wasn't getting around very well just yet, so I understand. I was able to get to bathroom on my own and do some laps around the living room, but that was about it. She did all the critter care (like feeding and poop scooping). I definitely couldn't have handled all that at 6 days post op, so I don't think you are being selfish at all. Do you have a friend who could come over and sit with you and take over for the day? Might be a nice change of pace for both of you. I'm sorry you are so bummed right now. Maybe having a friend around to <oops! please do not attempt to override the censor!> with would help! Take care-
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Unread 04-20-2006, 05:34 PM
Am I being selfish?

I took care of myself a week after the surgery. Food for myself (since you only have 24 hrs something easy can be made up for you) was not the problem. It was my golden retriever. DH got one of those rubbermaid bins about a foot high we used that to put my dog's water and food bowl on. When I squatted I used my knees. It was ok. In fact he likes it so much I might have to leave it for good. Acts like a little table for him.
If you have to open doors that a tough one too. Try to use your arms and not your body weight if the door is heavy. Not sure what kind of pets you have, but is there a neighbour than can come over and help with feedings?
Unread 04-20-2006, 05:36 PM

Julie-thank you for your support. I think she may feel free to go because I think maybe I have been doing too much and she feels I can manage for 24 hours. She went back to full day work yesterday and works an hour away!" It is hard because there don't seem to be any steadfast rules about what to do and not do but the obvious. I also think that maybe when it is laporascopic it is deceiving to others!! On day 4, I scooped the litter box and walked up and down a very long driveway 4 times. No wonder I did not feel well on day 5! If worst comes to worst I will have a friend on "stand-by" who lives right next store" Take care and thanks for the opportunity to "<oops! please don't attempt to override the censor!>" Kim
Unread 04-20-2006, 05:38 PM
Am I being selfish?

PS....leave the can wait.
Unread 04-20-2006, 05:45 PM
Am I being selfish?

Scooping on day 4? Ohmigosh, give it a rest!!! I let my partner scoop for the first 3 weeks! Yes, I did some walking up and down the cul-de-sac too during the first week, but it did wipe me out like you said. I too did not have any hard and fast rules after my LSH except "nothing in the vagina for 2 weeks" (like I really felt like it!) so I could have done anything I wanted to, but I really didn't feel like doing a whole lot. Sometimes just having a BM took all my energy! Anyway, hope your recovery continues to progress well. Get some rest!!!
Unread 04-20-2006, 05:59 PM
Thank-you everyone.

Thank-you everybody. YouYou have given me food for thought. I do have a close friend/neighbor who could check in on me. And I think I am just feeling vunerable-especially not being able to drive!! So you all have pointe out some alternatives for the 24 hours and that's 3 days away anyway. At least my partner drew the line with her friend (the friend wanted me to drive over and take care of her two dogs and two cats!!) It is obviously very stressful moving a parent and she is not thinking clearly!! Kim
Unread 04-20-2006, 06:17 PM
Am I being selfish?

I wonder if your partner is feeling a little overloaded with your surgery and her mother all at the same time. I think we are very understandably focused on ourselves during recovery and might not see that those around us might need a break. Maybe the drive would do her some good? It might also make her feel better to actually see her mother settled in person.

You are not wrong to feel a little nervous, try to line things up for help and make sure not to try and do too much, maybe a few little treats for you to have around while she is gone would help make it feel better! Good thing she had your back on the petsitting! Yikes!

I hope it all works out for you both, let us know what ends up happening.

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