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Hopes crushed again :' Hopes crushed again :'

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Unread 04-30-2001, 09:25 PM
Hopes crushed again :'

HI everyone
So I guess I jinxed myself by saying that I was not going to get chemo. That was only the first doctors opinion. Little did I know that my treatment depended upon the opinions of several other doctors that I have never even met. So I get a call today telling me that I am going to start chemo tommarrow . My whole world just feels like it just caved in on me! can't stop crying because my doctor also told me that I am most likely going to lose all of my hair! I am really begining to HATE my life. I don't want to take the chemo and I am seriously consideing marching in there and telling them that I refuse to take the chemo. They are already putting me through 5 weeks of external and 4 weeks af internal radiation. I was told that the only reason that that they were going to give me radiation was because they found bad cells at the edge of what they cut out of my body and they could not see any cancer in my body. Why are they treating it so agressively?! I don't want to go through all of this anymore! I just want to crawl in a hole and DIE! I WANT MY LIFE BACK! Between the whole hormonal rollercoster I'm on and the whole back and forth between what treatment I am going to receive I think I am losing my sanity!:hair: I know that if I didn't have my kids I would definately refuse the chemo, but because of them I feel like I am obligated to take it. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in someone elses life because mine sucks! I also think I am going to quit my job because I don't want them to hold my position because I refuse to go back to work with no hair! I know that sounds shallow but I am only 30 years old and never been married and I have always been told that my waist long hair is my best feature. With out that I will feel so insecure about myself. I just don't know how I am going to get through this! Thanks for letting me vent.......
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Unread 04-30-2001, 10:53 PM
Hopes crushed again :'

Oh, Brenda,

I just wanted to pop in here to say how sorry I am that you're discouraged. I never had to go through cancer treatments, and I can't even imagine it. A word about losing your hair: My daughter's friend Leslie, who is also 16, had chemo for cancer this past year. She was so upset about losing her hair, but as it turned out, she decided to wear these bandana things around her head, and everyone is very used to it, and no one seems to think a thing of it. She has adjusted better than she ever thought possible, and her spirits have really been up lately.

You know you can always come here for support from sisters who have faced the same trials as you are facing (as well as those who haven't!) I'm not saying it will be easy, but with love and support, you CAN get through this!

You are in my prayers...

Unread 04-30-2001, 11:31 PM
Hopes crushed again :'

Brenda, go ahead and cry on my shoulder. Cry as long and as hard as you want to. I don't have an answer about the chemo and I don't know what it would be like to lose your hair. But I do know that you are Brenda, inside , hair or no hair. And we love you anyway. We will help you get through this latest hurdle. I know if it was me being told that I had to have the chemo after my radiation treatments , I would certainly lose it. Have you asked the doctors why it is being treated so aggressively. There are lots of us here so please when you feel down, come visit and one of us will hold your hand .. Love always x x x
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Unread 05-01-2001, 01:50 AM
Hopes crushed again :'

Hi there kiddo! I am so very sorry to hear that you will require chemo along with the radiation. I haven't had radiation, but I did have the chemo, and I truly know what you are feeling, and your feelings are valid.

But Brenda......please think about it before you refuse the chemo. It is a hard battle and I can understand your saying you don't want it, and I was there too, but finally I can look back, and its only been 4 short months since I finished it...but I can say yes....it was worth it.

Did I lose all my hair??? Yep...I sure did Brenda, and yes it is a hard thing. But....it all comes back. Another month and I can lose the wig. I could lose it now....but its a personal preference that I want my bangs a bit longer first.

My hair was short, and not waist length as yours, and I did say to friends and family, that I thought it must be really devastating for women who do have really long beautiful hair to lose it. But it is only hair Brenda, and your children and your family and friends want you here.....with or without hair Brenda.

There are some beautiful, realistic wigs available now and I am sure you will be able to find something you like.

Of course the final decision as to whether you take the chemo is yours, but as hard as it is Brenda, its only for a short time, and I just know that the day will come when you will look back and realize that your treatment was worth everything you had to go through to get to that point.

I never had children, but my mom who had 9 of us... always said and I am sure yourself, and the other mothers here would tell you...they say you forget the pain of childbirth...well with chemo I think its a little the same. You will forgot all the bad parts of chemo....and be able to say it was worth it. I truly didn't think that I would be able to say that ever, but finally I can Brenda.

You didn't mention what drugs you would be taking but some are much easier than others and if you are taking them as an outpaitent, you will meet some other wonderful women there I am sure going through the same things and feelings you are. And chemo nurses are very special people as well. They are so sweet, and truly understanding of what we are going through. They are a special breed indeed.

You are in my thoughts and prayers hon! As the other wonderful ladies have said...please come here to talk to us. We really do know what you are going through.
Lots of hugs, and best of luck with your decision.
M. xo
Unread 05-01-2001, 03:27 AM
Hopes crushed again :'

Maria has said it the best....I don't know what it is to have chemo, I am undergoing radiation. I am a single mother as are you...I focus on my son when I get really depressed. I don't want to miss a single moment of his life. We somehow find the strength....Brenda I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and keep us posted. But I tell you, you are right this all SUCKS!!!!!That which doesn't kill us will only make us stronger.
Unread 05-01-2001, 06:22 AM
Hopes crushed again :'

Oh Brenda:

What turmoil you must be going through. I'm sending you many warm thoughts as you go through your chemo treatments. I can't begin to understand how you must be feeling.

I never had chemo and lost my hair, but I know how much people get attached to their hair. A lot of their self-worth is tied in with their hair. Now I'm not trying to compare myself to anyone that has lost their hair from chemotherapy, but for years I had waist-long, beautiful hair. All people complimented me on was my hair. Oh, don't ever cut it. It's so beautiful!!! That was all I ever heard. I wasn't a person, but my hair was. I had wanted to cut my hair for years, but I was afraid that no one would like me with short hair.

Guess what, I loved my short hair and so did everyone else!! Of course, there were a few people that said I shouldn't have done it, but 99.9% of the comments were positive. I've never regretted it for a minute.

I'm really not trying to minimize what may happen. Just remember, you're who you are -- with or without hair!!!!
Unread 05-01-2001, 06:50 AM
Hopes crushed again :'


I'm so sorry you're having to go thru this, but, I wanted to second some things the ladies have mentioned. The hassle of chemo was well forth the success of the results. It's amazing what you will find that you can handle but the important thing to remember is that you are doing this for YOU!

I had fairly long hair prior and I'll tell you I felt the same way. My hair has always been my favorite feature. But, I'll tell you, the people who didn't know I was going thru chemo COULD NOT tell I was wearing a wig. I did, however, confuse them quite a bit when I started playing musical wigs. I found a hairdresser who deals with cancer patients and was able to order several at wholesale costs instead of paying retail. It made it kind of fun to have several to choose from. One of them I call my "wild child" wig as it is a hip length very wavy wig with lots and lots of hair.

I am now almost three months out from completing the chemo and have stopped wearing the wigs altogether. It was a bit strange at first as I have not had this short of hair in a very long time but I am getting used to it. I'll tell you, its so easy to do, I don't even have to use a hair dryer. I've actually received several compliments on my new "haircut".

One other thing I wanted to mention, I was able to work throughout my treatments. I did cut back on my hours during my "on" weeks but was able to work full time on the off weeks. I think it really helped as I wanted and needed to think of something else besides the cancer.

I know facing chemo is terrifying and all you want to do is forget it ever happened. BUT, it really is a small amount of time to invest to make sure you will be around for a LONG time! I'm sure glad the Dr's are taking no chances and want to make sure that any cells are taken care of in the best way possible.

Please remember we're all here for you anytime you need! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers that the treatments will go smoothly and will be over very quickly. Keep us posted on how you are doing and feel free to vent any time you need.

Here's a big for you to start.

Take care,

Unread 05-01-2001, 10:07 AM
Hopes crushed again :'

Hi Brenda, I haven't been through any of what you are dealing with, but wanted to tell you about my doctor. She found that she had a very aggressive type of breast cancer four years ago. Her treatments caused the loss of her hair and she faced it with great bravery and a fantastic sense of humor. At first, she came to work with a natural looking wig, made from human hair especially for cancer patients. She decided that she wasn't comfortable trying to fool people (her words) and said it was better just to play with her friends and patients by wearing different colored wigs. The grace that she wore her wigs with was amazing, she carried it off wonderfully, wearing anywhere from a short pink(!) style to these very long, flowing tresses. Of course Halloween had her wearing an Elvira wig and vampire teeth!

Thank heavens, her humor and determination got her through the roughest spots and she has been cancer free for two years so far. Her hair came back, she has been healthy and claims that the only thing that got her through some of the days was knowing that she could borrow another wig to make her patients laugh. She is a perinatologist and many of her patients are women who are carrying babies who are in grave danger of passing away. She was my inspiration during an extremely sad time in my life and gave me the courage to walk into another day with a smile and some hope in my heart.

I don't know what, if anything, you will get from this post and her story, but I hope that you can see that it isn't the hair that makes a person, it is the character that lives underneath the skin!

I wish you the best of luck with your therapy, I am sorry you have to face this, but am glad that you have the support of the ladies here to help guide you through the hard days.
Unread 05-01-2001, 02:37 PM
Hopes crushed again :'

Hi Brenda--

I could really relate to your post! Last July, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and they also told me that I had to go through six months of chemo. I was just crushed, to say the least, (like you) and I also told them that I did not want the chemo. However, they gave it to me anyway and I am SO GLAD I went through with the six months of chemo. Yeah, it sucked and I lost my hair, but you know what? I'm cancer free plus my hair is growing back!!!!!!! I would definitely do it again. I learned that losing my hair was so minor; in fact, I'm not even going to renew any of my fashion magazine subscriptions. Society is too worked up about appearances, it's who you are as a person that is important. I didn't wear a wig (even though I got one). I usually wore a baseball hat and when I got back to work, I wore one for the first month. After a while, I couldn't have cared less what people thought of my appearance. I encourage you to go ahead with the chemo -- it won't be as bad as you anticipate, I promise. With all of the new medications they use to cut down on side effects, the worst I ever felt was as if I had a bad case of the flu.

Remember, we all care here and want the best for you.
I will be thinking of you.


Unread 05-01-2001, 05:16 PM
Hopes crushed again :'

I just wanted to give you a big hug, Brenda! It's horrible that you were thinking one thing and they popped out of the woodwork at you with a date so quick--today I guess! Of course you get your mind wrapped around one idea only to life has a different plan.

How did it go? I hope you went through it. They really do have a clue on what cells are dangerous and what are not and they wouldn't insist on it if they didn't want to be safe. Still, of course you're angry and scared and feeling like a raw deal. That's what we're here for.


Molly taught me a lot when she was going through her radiation. Her post is stuck to the top of this forum. You might want to look at it if you haven't.

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