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Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst. Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

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Unread 05-25-2006, 07:18 PM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

Hi ladies,
I think AF is doing a raging number on my hormones on her last appearance with me. For the most part, I am ok with never having children, for DH and I are planning to adopt - but, I know that in less than a month, I will NEVER have the opportunity to be pregnant. Please understand, I have had severe IF problems, and my only route was IVF due to my tubes being closed off from endo. I guess I feel like I'm missing out on the carrying of a baby inside you, to feel it grow and change. Lately, I feel like I'm too young to have this done (only 33), yet I know that there are ladies on here that are in their 20's and going through this. I'm babbling.. I know.. Basically, the past few weeks, I've had people ask/tell me "Your too young for a hysterectomy.? Your doctor must be crazy.!" Most of this is said in shock - but once I explain (for the billionth time) about the problems I've had over the years and recently, they understand. I'm just feeling weird - Has anyone been here and how did you work it out mentally and emotionally?

I hope I made sense here.. sometimes my ramblings go off on tangents that I am surpised at!

Thanks Ladies!

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Unread 05-25-2006, 08:15 PM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

I think what you are feeling is normal for women who don't have children. I had my hysterectomy 8 weeks ago. I'm 36. To me it was the finality of it all that became real.

I knew I couldn't get pregnant without IVF.

I think we will always wonder what it would feel like.

But, with you adopting you will be able to get to be a wonderful mother because you will be able to enjoy your child with out the constant pain of endo.

Best of luck to you.

Unread 05-25-2006, 09:14 PM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

Maybe I'm out of line chiming in on this because I have been blessed to have had a child. I can not even begin to imagine the pain and disappointment you are feeling , but I feel that you don't have to carry that precious little child to be a wonderful mother! Whatever child you may have some day will be blessed to have you as a mother, for you are willing to open your heart to accept a wonderful gift from God. Sending you a and a prayer that you will find some peace.
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Unread 05-25-2006, 10:15 PM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

I would just like to put my into this link. First let me say that I'm sorry to all of those who, due to your medical problems, will not be able to have children of your own.

I will be 38 when I have my TAH and honestly, until I started reading posts on this site, I really never thought about the finality of not having children. My husband and I married 3 years ago and I had a tubal ligation 1 month prior to our marriage. We both decided we didn't want children. My decision to have a TAH was very easy for me because I'm sick of being sick.

My mother on the other hand, sees this as her never being a Grandmother and she is doing everything to remind me of that. I'm not sure, but I don't think she relizes that her comments are hurtful. I'm an only child and that just compounds the issue. So where I can't relate to your feelings of not being able to have children, I am going through my own heartache with my mother.

Best of luck to you and God bless you.
Unread 05-25-2006, 10:40 PM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

Hey Mona, I know where you're coming from. I'm 28, no kids, just had my hyster...heck I don't even have a boyfriend right now! Not only do I think about not being able to have children, I wonder what man would want me all scared up and unable to bear his children. sigh, anywho...

It's very hard to deal with these feelings. I never underestimated the power of love from an adoptive parent. My sister knew at a young age (due to medical reasons) that she would be unable to have children. SO adoption has been an open topic in our family. Before we knew she was unable to use a surrogate...I was planned to carry her children. Fortunately we found that out before I was diagnosed, so it didn't hit as shuch a double whammy.

Also, when people asked why I was having a hyster I usually said "cancer". THat shut them up. lol But it's also just as well to say (when they question your doctor) that you feel confident with your doctors decision, you've review your options, and YOU made the final choice. Sometimes people forget that it's the patient, not the doctor, that actually schedules and goes through the surgery!

You weren't babbling, but when you want to, this is a wonderful place to do so!
Unread 05-25-2006, 11:47 PM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

I thought i would chime in on this one too. I will never bear children, my husband has two kiddos (grown) from a previous marriage so I get the coveted title of (bwaaaahaahaa) "Evil STEPMOM" Actually I love those kids as if they were my own - oh wait...I paid for college so i DO get to claim them! However, people always ask when are you having children and now the dreaded, "you're too young for a hyster" and my response is always the same. "God has plans for me that include my DH, 2 steps, and 3 babies (ones that meow) and that is plenty to make me happy. Everything else is gravy. I know it is tough and people can be hurtful without ever realizing it..but we make these decisons to better our lives and the lives of those we share or will share. how much better will it be to suffer daily for the ability to say you have a uterus. I think it's the old definition of insanity..if you do something and it doesn't work so you keep doing it over and over expecting a different outcome..you're nuts! It's nuts to be in pain daily, suffer through massive bleeding, and deal with the emotional rollercoaster that it all causes for the minute chance that it will all go away. It will...when we go through menopause (hopefully) and for me at 35 and my family history (Mom's 60 and still dealing with menopause) I have decided to stop the madness now. My heart goes out to you and pray that God will hold you in His hands and keep you from sorrow.
Unread 05-26-2006, 12:26 AM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

Hello there!

First of all, please let me tell you how sorry I am to read about your sadness. Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers at this time.

I hope you don't mind me posting in this thread, as I have been extremely blessed to have two children. I am young as well (29 years old) and I constantly hear people comment on my age, etc. In fact, my mother asked me this evening if I'm sure this is what I want to do. Hello?! No, I just felt like a hysterectomy sounded like fun!

Anyway, I just wanted to offer my perspective as a mother. Recently, a member of our family had a baby, and the mother is having an extremely difficult time adjusting to parenthood. In fact, when the baby was only one week old he slept over my house so she could get a break.

In the short time that I've helped care for him, I have absolutely fallen in love with him, and, my husband has as well. The strong feelings we share for this baby have made us both realize we would love an adopted child just as much as we love our biological children.

As a youngin' going through this tomorrow, I can honestly tell you I've made peace with not having any more children. For me, pregnancy is not my life's goal, but, parenting is, regardless of how the child enters our family.

I hope this helps you some. You hang in there.
Unread 05-26-2006, 12:40 AM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

LSU, I am 36, hyst Tuesday, single, no kids. I had a meltdown day before yesterday. (See my post "I'm losing it today" in the aching hearts forum if you want to read it.) I had pretty much decided I didn't want to have kids, but 2 days ago it hit me like a ton of bricks. I understand. We know adoption is an option, but it doesn't take away from the grieving. I cried my heart out that day but have felt better since then. I expect I'll probably be an emotional roller coaster for the next few days. Lovely to have pms to add to the pre-op anxiety. I need chocoloate, lol.

wpooh, I'm an only child too & dealing with feeling guilty for not being able to give my mom grandkids. She isn't making an issue of it, it's guilt from the lifetime of "when you give me grandkids". I hope you can have a heart to heart with your mom & tell her to lay off. You don't need that extra stress.
Unread 05-26-2006, 07:44 AM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

Itstime, thanks for your kind words. I'm visiting Mom this weekend and we are going to have a "sit down!" As I said before, I just don't think she realizes what shes saying and how it hurts despite the fact I never wanted children. She just has to deal with only having 3 "furry" grandchildren!
Unread 05-26-2006, 08:21 AM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

I'm 34, no kids and had a TAH almost 3 weeks ago.

your hormones do play a roll in this-I've never wanted kids, so the decision was fairly "easy" ( if there is such a thing). I'm the last in a long line of female relatives with "girl issues"- so MOST of my family was supportive.

there are always going to be people that will make hurtful comments-knowingly or not. decide what you are going to say, and stick to your script-no matter what the comment is. my answer is-"I trust my doctor, and I made the right descion for my well-being and health." if they persist, I simply repeat myself!

now with folks like my grandma, it's a little tougher, but with people that close to you-explain how much pain, ect it has caused. sometimes things are said without engaging the brain first.

Even knowing I didn't want kids, I did have a meltdown myself. belive it or not that actually helps! so if it comes, let it! make sure your doctor knows, and try to schedule your appointments when the preggers ladies and babies are not around-aim for the first appointment of the day if you can.


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