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Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst. Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

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Unread 05-26-2006, 01:59 PM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

I spent over 30 years praying for pregnancy and it never happened. I felt betrayed by God and my own body when a hysterectomy became a necessity. All of you in this post know the triggers to the emotional upset that comes with the package. I had the hysterectomy six months ago and I know this is hard to believe, and likely sounds really dumb, but suddenly the grief is gone. Its like I know for a fact that pregnancy will not happen and I don't think about it anymore and I don't get that painful reminder every month. My heart still aches for what should have been, and it aches for all you going through this, but somehow it is a bit better.
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Unread 05-26-2006, 08:42 PM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

Wow - I didn't mean for this post to upset or anger anyone - I didn't realize what a hot topic this would be I belong to a IF group/board on MSN and they have been extremely supportive and helpful - but they are not going down this road and I hope they don' t have to.

The concern of having children in my home at some point, that's not a concern at all - We are knee deep in paperwork for Foster Care/Adoption. For those that posted and are mothers by any means, you are absolutely, truly blessed and one day I plan to be one of you - though by means of adoption.

I guess I was/ am feeling the regret for something I might honestly never have. It's the finality of it all - no IVF to ever happen or IUI... I feel like my body betrayed me, something that should be so natural just doesn't work and is causing me serious health problems and pain. I have come to terms with what must be done, I'm just upset that I have to go through this. It just *****, royally (to quote my students)

I guess I'm just suprised by the number of us out there - under 35 - 40, and with infertitily.. It just shocks the hell out of me.

To anyone who was upset by anything here, I do apologize - I just needed some advice.

Thank you Ladies, have a wonderful Long weekend!
Unread 05-27-2006, 11:27 AM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.


Don't worry about upsetting others. You were looking for support and others in the same (or similar) situation as yourself. We all have opinions, emotions, etc. Sometimes, I think they get the best of us and we miss out on what a person is really saying and/or feeling.

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Unread 05-27-2006, 12:23 PM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

I just wanted to say that I understand the sadness that can come of the "finality" of hysterectomy. I was diagnosed with fibroids at age 46, never having had children and never having made the decision to try and have them (my life has just always been too busy, I've never married, and just never felt like I was "in the right place" to be a mom). But still, at that time the possibility of a hyst hit me hard with regards to the childbearing issue (I remember waking up at night on a backpacking trip and suddenly beginning to sob my little heart out). It wasn't that I wanted kids or that I had every really wanted them badly, but just the psychological impact of the impossibility of it if I had a hyst.

Now that I've had 4 years to get used to the idea of the fibroids and ramifications of hysterectomy (just had mine last week), it has had very little impact on me in that way (though I admit to getting a little teary after gazing at a beautiful tiny little newborn that my nurse was looking after while his mom was in the shower, during my castle stay).

My heart goes out to those who really WANTED to get pregnant but were never able to. But as has been pointed out, I think that if you adopt, the sense of loss will no doubt be replaced by the joy of raising the child you have chosen.
Unread 05-28-2006, 10:54 AM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

I'm 26 and am unable to conceive without the use of IVF (they told me I could try IUI but didn't give me much confidence in the procedure) and its something my DH and I have chosen not to do. We've always wanted to adopt anyway and we have full family support. His mom was adopted and most definately supports us, his father (surprisingly) supports us, his sister (whom is more of a sister to me than anything) supports us, and my parents love the idea. My father told me I was such a strong person for being able to deal with everything and adopt a child and still give it the same love I would give a biological child.

I had my hyst scheduled for May 12th and then my insurance backed out on me due to my age. My doc has "appealed", but the poor man has only seen me since Feb, so really can't fight my case tooth and nail. He did try though. I have the State of DE involved now and they have filed an appeal on my behalf. I also have an appointment scheduled for a semi "2nd opinion" on June 26th and on their cancellation list as well. Their office has assured me, they will take care of the problem, no matter what way we have to do it. That's nice to hear since I had told my doc 4-5 times I would be a self-pay patient, and the hospital told me I could still have my procedure while appeals were being processed, but they didn't care and cancelled it anyhows.

So here I am along for the ride with the rest of you. Just think of how many children we all can provide love for
Unread 06-06-2006, 10:08 PM
I can relate

My husband and I never wanted to have children. We were busy with careers and dreaming of "early retirement" at 55 and then we were going to travel and see the world! Then 4 years ago at 40 years old he was diagnosed with a brain tumor, had 2 surgeries last year, chemo. and radiation and thankfully is in remission right now.

Just as he was doing better I needed to have a hysterectomy. After about 3 months after my surgery every time I saw a pregnant woman or someone with a baby it took "everything I had" to not break down and start crying. It is now a little over six months since my hyst. and I still am struggling with this issue. Physically I have had a fantastic recovery from my surgery, emotionally I still struggle. Some friends have been extremely supportive of me and some have been jerks, with you "oh you can adopt or foster children". But they do not "get it"! Even though we never wanted kids I think it is about "now never being able to have our own children". I never understood the whole "motherhood thing" before my surgery but as time passes on I certainly have found a deeper understanding of what it means to be a "birth mother to your own child/children".

I never expected to feel this way before or after my surgery and have found it all to be ironic and surprising.
I hope with the passage of time it will get better.
Unread 06-07-2006, 02:04 PM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

I'm with you on that "grandchild" thing. I think on some level I've known for a long time that babies weren't in my future and I settled with that. Having the hyst isn't affecting me in that way. But my mother has been on the grandchild kick for years and in fact has taken up a recent obsession with my cousins kids, and they don't even live on the same continent! She's gone to meet them for vacations, talks about them ALL the time, was even thinking about going to their house for Thanksgiving this year (remember, this means flying over the big pond!!!)... and yeah, it hurts. I didn't tell her about me having a hyst for awhile because I wanted to get my head wrapped around it first. I only told her a couple weeks ago, and I know that it's only going to push her obsession further. (My cousin and I have talked and she's aware - we're good with each other as far as any jealousy or anything.) I don't know that I have any advice- just wanted you to know you aren't alone!
Unread 06-08-2006, 12:33 AM
Wondering about those of us that never had children and having a Hyst.

For me it was different. My husband never wanted children, and I knew this before I made the decision to marry him. A few years ago I had a bit of depression about it, but it passed. He even briefly brought up the topic of a Vasectomy, but it never happened. I just knew that I eventually wanted off the Pill because it was aggravating my Fibrocystic breasts, and as I found out later Estrogen aggravates Fibroids also. I think about it sometimes, and feel like my husband doesn't have to worry about me getting pregnant anymore.

During the first week after my hysterectomy, I'd wake up sobbing after having dreamt about children. Although in the dream they weren't mine. I think subconsciously I was in mourning. Although I have resigned myself to not being a mother, I suppose it is harder to shut off your emotions during sleep. I hope that the sadness of the finality of a hysterectomy won't creep into my waking hours eventually.

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