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Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

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Unread 05-31-2006, 05:06 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

If I have one more person "dismiss" this surgery because of my age and quick recovery time I will rip their heads off and shove it up their "you know what" for removal. Then and maybe then they'll appreciate the terror associated with a respected body party being surgically removed!!!! I don't know if I'm just overly sensitive of if others have gotten similar remarks but how in the world do you handle it? I'm ready to crawl in bed and turn my phones off until the castle. I have had good friends minimize the surgery by saying, "you are lucky you won't have anymore periods" or some have just stopped calling me all together. I've had other friends say you are so young (37) you'll bounce back before the six weeks. And even one lady said, "oh it's not THAT bad". THESE WERE ALL WOMEN!!!!! It has boggled my mind the lack of compassion and sensitivity. If I was the type of person who whined alot it would be one thing but I'm just the opposite. If I chose to share my feelings I quickly shut up because of the reactions I've been getting. I am really disappointed in some "friends" who have dropped off the face of the earth. These are the friends I could use support from too Anyone else have similar experiences???
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Unread 05-31-2006, 05:37 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Two of my three sisters had hysterectomies so they knew what I was facing, however, when they had theirs, I had no idea just how major the surgery was. I think one of the problems with how people view a hyst is that it is a common surgery. Just because it's common doesn't make it any less serious, but people seem to think that because a lot of women have this surgery, it can't be all that bad. It took facing a hysterectomy of my own to learn and realize that it is a very big deal and it is a major surgery that requires a long recovery period.
Unread 05-31-2006, 06:52 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Human Resources Mgr at work had a hysterectomy by choice (although she opted to have ovaries intact)35 years ago. On having been told that I would be off work for 12 weeks as recommended by Dr after a TAH/BSO, she made her own assumptions that I can be and should be back at work by 6th week post op since the surgery is much too common nowadays and there was no reason to be off for so long. I quoted stipulations of various disability, health & safety along with current employment and discrimination legislations and that was enough to keep her trap shut and fall in line with sensitivities. At home, I still go about in loungewear which serves as a "visual aid" to remind hubby and son that I am still recovering despite the fact that I am on my feet.
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Unread 05-31-2006, 06:58 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

I know exactly how you feel. My mother in law has had a hysterectomy so you would think she would know how I feel but it dont stop her from making remarks like "This is nothing you will be fine" and you will be back to normal within a couple days.
My friends all say how lucky I am..i dont have to worry about birth control and I will have no periods etc etc.. My husband acts like I am being paranoid and "need to just quit worrying, this is dang near out patient surgery now"
I seriously want to throttle them...
Unread 05-31-2006, 07:32 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

I got the - 'you are so lucky! Wish I could have that!' a few times before my surgery. It really ticked me off, and still does when I think about it. People don't have any idea how scary this is, and how long it takes to recover. It is very frustrating to hear those comments, but at least you have all of us who understand!
Unread 05-31-2006, 07:50 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Hello. First I want give everyone a Now, most people do not know how to behave much less what to say when something serious comes up. Close friends, especially some family members will be rude. It hurts. Some people truly think that they are being positive by minimizing. They do not realize just how dumb it makes them look.
Perhaps you could prepare a little statement for your next interaction with them. " Are you kidding me", or " there's more to it than that". Be dimissive.
I can not comment fairly on mother in laws, because mine is awful
Unread 05-31-2006, 07:56 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

I think until you experience a hysterectomy, you don't know what to expect. I was one of those friends that went to the hospital and hoped you were doing fine. I had really no clue what my girlfriends experienced until my own. Just try to let the comments slide off your back. Good luck with your surgery and recovery and let's hope they are all correct and you will bounce right back I know I had surgery 3 weeks ago and it's been fine. The only thing I can't stand is the swelly belly.
Unread 05-31-2006, 08:17 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Hi Giggles,
I had a lot of women tell me things like "you'll do fine, you'll feel so much better, etc...". I know that they were saying things like this trying to keep me from backing out. I put off my surgery for almost 3 years (I wouldn't advise this). Most of these women had had a hysterectomy and they knew the seriousness of the operation but were afraid to say anything that might make me back out. Other people just don't know how to express their feelings so they make light of it. Then there are just the stupid people. Those you just pat on the head and walk away from. Your hyster sisters understand your feelings and any misgivings you might have. None are considered stupid or irrational or anything else. Take some time for yourself and try to relax (I know how hard that is!). Before long you'll be on the other side and hopefully feeling much better.
Take care and keep us posted,
Texas Gal
41, tah, kept ovaries, endo, hernia repair

P.S. You're not made of rubber-don't try to make yourself "bounce back" too quickly. Your body won't like it.
Unread 05-31-2006, 09:15 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Hi giggles

Well my own mother who had a hyst about 30 years ago (so you would have thought she should have known better), whilst sympathising with the fact that I have to have a hyst, still managed to come up with a dismissive remark. When I told her that about a month before my op in September I am invited to visit the hospital ward to discuss any questions or fears that I may have and what will happen to me, she said "Oh we didn't have that in my day; they wrap you in cotton wool now". Oh yeah, right so it's a good thing that she knew nothing about what was going to happen was it? As it happened she had complications and had to go back into hospital. As has been previously said here, as it is a common operation, people forget that it still a major operation. I'm glad to say that other friends and colleagues have been very supportive and have shared their experiences with me. to you and all the best.
Unread 05-31-2006, 09:20 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Lolls - I think it is their generation. They just have no knowledge what so ever. I know when I was bleeding so heavy, my mom told me NOT to look. What the heck was that gonna do? Here's to you being wrapped in cotton wool

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