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Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

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  #11  
Unread 05-31-2006, 09:27 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

I know how you feel. I have a co-worker who is completely jealous of me to the point of being kind of nasty to me. She says how lucky I am that I won't have to deal with my period anymore and how I get to have a 6 week vacation!!! If she only knew half of what I go through every month and the pain I am in all the time.

I too have had some people say it is no big deal. But these are the same people who have had children and are older then me (I'm 35). So, I know what you are feeling. Hang in there.

Just keep in mind that right now YOU are the number one priority. Getting through this waiting (I'm going in Monday for my TAH) is not going to get easier. Just hang in there and remember that you're not alone and you are making the best decision for YOU.
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  #12  
Unread 05-31-2006, 09:39 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Maybe I'm weird but those sort of comments don't bother me at all. I'm an optimist and so are those who I hang around. Now what would bother me is- after I have the surgery and ppl expecting me to resume various functions weeks after surgery. If they say ''well you had your hyster 3 weeks ago, surely you should be able to do x, y,z"

That would tick me off!

As for telling ppl I'm getting one, *i'm* the one downplaying it, b/c I see the shock on their face when I tell them I'M GETTING ONE
  #13  
Unread 05-31-2006, 10:06 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Oh yes I have heard things like that! It really ticks me off when it happens but I have realized that until you walk a mile in someones shoes you ahve NO idea! I have jsut said that back to a few of them.....I realize that you have no idea what I am feeling so I don't expect to to understand. That usually shuts them up quickly. Just yesterday in the doctor's office an older lady who just takes care of insurance and billing said " We usually release our patients at 6 weeks and they can return to work" It went right through me but my doctor stepped up to the plate and said" She has had numerous complications and she needs a few more weeks" I told him thank youand he winked!
I also have to say while I am on a roll here, that one of my husbands friends made a casual remark about it being no big deal and I said to him " You go and have your testicles cut off and lose all of your hormones at once and then check back with me...let me know how it goes" Needless to say he didn't say another word and neither did my husband. I think I scared them have to death....just like us huh!
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  #14  
Unread 05-31-2006, 10:28 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Wow! I thought it was just me! Many of my friends and co-workers have said "Oh, you'll be fine, stop worrying so much!" That made me feel as though I was truly being a big baby! So, I shut up and haven't talked about it at all. Even my DH changes the subject when I bring it up. He's otherwise very supportive of me and all that I do, so this I could NOT understand. Don't know if he's just scared or what!!??!! I tend to freak myself out anyway, so maybe it is best that I don't talk about it. But if you can't express your fears with your friends and family, then WHO? I guess YOU all!!! Thanks for listening!
  #15  
Unread 05-31-2006, 10:36 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Dear Giggles,
I know just how you feel.I am 60 years old, very active etc, & I was VERY nervous about this surgery. I think I was having mini panic attacks & I am not a whiner & very independent.I had trouble sleeping for days before. My dear old Mom, age 87 said there was nothing to it even though she has never had one!
Even my nurse at the PreAdmission Clinic seemed perplexed as to why I was nervous & my blood pressure was elevated that day.I told her I was afraid something could go wrong & I would be incontinent for the rest of my life, never have sex with my husband again etc for starters.She stilll was puzzled. Fortunately, I had a very kind Doctor whose job it was to certify if I was fit for surgery & he told me I was quite right to be apprehensive & it would be strange if I was not.
My surgery, vaginal hysterectomy & bladder repair went very well. I was in hospital 48 hr.I have had no pain until I sat on a stool & planted alot of flowers 2 days ago so I will have to learn to behave.My biggest problem is boredom. I am not used to being a lady of leisure. Thank heavens my husband is an excellent cook.My son vacuumed the cottage & my nephew is coming this afternoon to do the house so I am very lucky.
It is a beautiful time of year so I will have to learn to talk to my flowers more & appreciate what I have not what I am missing.
  #16  
Unread 05-31-2006, 11:54 AM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Ditto! Amen sisters! Yes, I agree! Si! Si! and yup!


Been there, heard all of that! My mil (which i need to clarify...she is ACTUALLY my grand mil but we call her Ma....anyway..)She said to me the other day, "I don't think its going to be as bad as you're making out."

First of all, I hardly ever discuss it with her, or anyone for that matter, other than my DH. You see, grand fil lives here too and he would just be waaaay too uncomfortable with conversations like this, you can imagine.
What prompted her comment? I was discussing with her how my Dh had gone out to play pool and I jokingly said," Well, he better get in as much pool as he can now, because in a few weeks he won't be able to for a bit." then, her comment. You see, part of the reason we live here is because of the health problems they both have...my hubby helps out with yardwork and auto stuff...I help out with grocery shopping, housecleaning and attending of dr.'s visits. anyway, I know that she is getting nervous because she is very demanding of my hubby's time...We actually have to leave the house to get any alone time. The day after my lapro, she had him running errands for her...he had taken the day off to take care of me and i didn't see him until 4:30 in the afternoon. We had a little spat (DH and I) and he won't be doing that again.
Whoa, I didn't mean to vent, but I guess other people "pooh-poohing" our surgeries is really getting to me as well. And I actually love the woman very much, but two lionesses in one pride?...well, not good.
sorry ladies. Ill stop now. Hee hee.

Thank you hyster sisters- I would be a lunatic if I could not vent here!
  #17  
Unread 05-31-2006, 12:27 PM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Giggles ( an all):

I had a "friend" call yesterday to say " Get outside- stop hiding upstairs with all your "comforts"! Yes- I do have a tv, vcr & cooler with juice & water- because as of today I am 2 weeks postop ( all parts our- chocolate cust; severe endo) & have had such bad gas since Sunday that I can hardly stand- let alone do stairs!

Fortunately- she is one of the very few friends & co-workers who has downplayed the surgery so I am lucky. DH also has ability to work from home & understands that it is not "just gas" due to his own gallbladder problems.

Hang in there- w/o this site to read & vent on I sure wouldn't have anything close to a sense of humour.

Rest before you go in; plan what you will do with recovery time- it is OK to read; watch movies; nap- people who know me just can't believe I have slowed down but frankly- I just don't feel like pushing myself- too afraid to undo what has been done!!

Unlike First Sister in an earlier post- I have been content to admire my garden from afar & read outdoor magazines- even though spring has arrived on the east coast too.

Do what is right for you & take care.
  #18  
Unread 05-31-2006, 12:55 PM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

I have heard most of those remarks too. Other than my mom who completely understands what I am going through, Ihave only had 1 friend call and check on me thats right 1. I am heart broken to think that I have only 1 friend who cares enough to call me! My mother in law is horrible she had a hyster way back in the day (more than 20 yrs ago) and she says to me oh you be fine! Its not that bad. Yeah WHATEVER woman! I have had friends say well at least you won't have a period or have to worry about getting pregnant. I wanted to slap them upside their ignorant little head and say. First off I didn't have to be worried about getting pregnant My husband is fixed. Second off my periods were so irregular I just got used to it. and thirdly if you had been in as much pain as I have for years not days and not months but years maybe you would be faced with what I am going through. And yes I would have sympathy for you because I recognize how serious it is and what you are being faced with. But until you can sympathize with me about what I am having to deal with don't bother even talking to me because I don't have time to listen to you condiscending remarks! I am so fed up with people telling me oh you'll be back to in no time! And yeah I may get a little carried away about what I would say but if it came down to it I would say it in a heart beat. It honkerblonkes me off that people think there is nothing to this surgery. I wish every single one of them would have go through just half of what we hyster sisters are having to endure. lots of hugs to all. and GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :burning:
  #19  
Unread 05-31-2006, 12:58 PM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

  Quote:
Originally Posted by a_h2454
I have heard most of those remarks too. Other than my mom who completely understands what I am going through, Ihave only had 1 friend call and check on me thats right 1. I am heart broken to think that I have only 1 friend who cares enough to call me! My mother in law is horrible she had a hyster way back in the day (more than 20 yrs ago) and she says to me oh you be fine! Its not that bad. Yeah WHATEVER woman! I have had friends say well at least you won't have a period or have to worry about getting pregnant. I wanted to slap them upside their ignorant little head and say. First off I didn't have to be worried about getting pregnant My husband is fixed. Second off my periods were so irregular I just got used to it. and thirdly if you had been in as much pain as I have for years not days and not months but years maybe you would be faced with what I am going through. And yes I would have sympathy for you because I recognize how serious it is and what you are being faced with. But until you can sympathize with me about what I am having to deal with don't bother even talking to me because I don't have time to listen to you condiscending remarks! I am so fed up with people telling me oh you'll be back to in no time! And yeah I may get a little carried away about what I would say but if it came down to it I would say it in a heart beat. It honkerblonkes me off that people think there is nothing to this surgery. I wish every single one of them would have go through just half of what we hyster sisters are having to endure. lots of hugs to all. and GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :burning:
I love how this place lets us vent! Woohoo!!
here sweetie...have some chocolate

I hear you about the friends...my best one for 8 years has called me once in 2 months.
  #20  
Unread 05-31-2006, 03:25 PM
Insensitive Reactions from Friends & Family

Yes, this is a major surgery. My biggest problem is that women just have no idea what effect this surgery can have on your life post-operatively. Surgical menopause is no walk-in-the-park. Why doesnt anybody warn us beforehand? Women should be supporting women. When I was pregnant, every woman I came in contact with had advice for me...whether I wanted it or not! However, when I mentioned having a hysterectomy, none of the women I talked with told me what I might experience. Why the big secret? Should we be ashamed if we have problems dealing with menopause? Thank God for Hystersisters! Where else would I get answers...or just a shoulder to cry on?
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