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Feeling a little overwhelmed Feeling a little overwhelmed

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Unread 05-09-2001, 09:14 AM
Feeling a little overwhelmed

This isn't a complaint to anyone, just a vent of my feelings. I hope no one takes this wrong. I am getting a little overwhelmed by the posts, it is depressing! I have been enjoying talking with all of you about HPV and cancer.... well, as much as one can "enjoy" talking about this stuff!

I just want it all to be over!! I had really hoped that by having a hysterectomy, that the HPV and cancer worries would be gone. My mother had carcinoma in-situ when she was 27 (she's 59 now) and had a hyster, since it was the only treatment available and she was done having children. She has never had a vault smear since! I have told her that it is so important to have it done, especially since I've been having problems and now that I've been reading here. But she won't go to the doctor, says she has gone this long without and doesn't see a reason to "go spread her eagle" for a gyn, as she called it!

My doctor is somewhat reluctant to do a hyster because he knows how much we wanted to have a baby. Even though he says the chances of having one are very slim, plus the CIN progressed from nothing to beyond 3 in a year's time, he knows that the stresses and my weak immune system aren't going to deal well with a pregnancy again. I have to go through a bunch of specialty appointments before he will consent. That was ok with me a month ago, but today is my very first appointment of many and it is a long, frustrating journey! I want it over! I can't say that too many times and it still doesn't help move anything along faster.

I think I am being hormonal, so many things are causing me to be on the verge of tears. I ordered a new couch 6 weeks ago and they said 6-8 weeks until delivery. I dug out the papers day before yesterday and weeped, thinking about how long it has been, but it has only been 5 weeks since my last obgyn appointment. Time is dragging by! Then yesterday, the sofa store called, it is READY!!! and I cried... not from joy, but because it has ONLY been 6 weeks and time has gone by so slow! I am a basket case!

My husband, the dear, bumbling man, bought a three-pack of pregnancy tests last night. He said he wants me to test because of my moods. He's been right before, but this time around, I'm only about 4 weeks into a normally 8 week long cycle. Of course it was negative. More tears and some were from relief... most were from sadness. I never want to see another pregnancy test again in my life. Especially not a negative one!!!

Thanks for listening... I feel like such a mess today.
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Unread 05-09-2001, 09:44 AM
Feeling a little overwhelmed

How I wish that I could be there in person to give you a real hug!! You poor thing, you have so much on you right now and it is normal for you to feel so overwhelmed!! I know that you are feeling like nothing is fair or can work out smoothly, we have all been there in one way or another, but you CAN'T give up!! Your emotions are so normal and you need to know that we are all here for you!! Please vent away all you want!! You really do need to get your feelings out, I just wish that I could be there in person for you!! I'm sure that you will see that we are all here for you!! Even after a hyst, we all live with worries, whether they are out in the open or hidden within. We all worry, whether we have reason to or not. So please, know that we are here for you and we really do care and want to help!!!
Unread 05-09-2001, 10:51 AM
Feeling a little overwhelmed

Oh, Zelda!

It sounds like you are having a tough time. I'm so sorry!! Try not to worry about potential long-term problems with this. I know some of us here are going through them, but that doesn't mean you will. Many sisters have had their hysterectomies for dysplasia and did not have any recurrence on their vaginal wall. Those sisters have just moved on or only visit once in a while. Keep venting, though! It will help relieve your stress, and all of us understand that (we've all taken our turns). We're here for you! Enjoy your new couch--think how comfie it will be to sit on it and relax!
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Unread 05-09-2001, 01:46 PM
Feeling a little overwhelmed

Oh Zelda, I am so sorry that you are feeling so low. You have so much to deal with at the moment. Please remember that what has happened to me ....only happens to a small percentage... remember that I was referred to as Mrs 5% ? We all know what you mean by wanting it over and done with and believe me that will happen eventually. My mum has never , ever had a pap in her life and she is 65. She has the same outlook as your mum and I have to accept that and let it be. You may be hormonal but before my hyster I cried at the drop of a hat, when the leaves turned to gold I cried :'( , when my dh played golf I even posted and had a big cry but I couldn't help how I felt. So....... you are perfectly normal. And don't forget that 24 hours a day one of us is here , for you to cry or laugh or just be. So Zelda, you take good care of yourself and before you know it things will be all worked out .
Unread 05-09-2001, 02:28 PM
Feeling a little overwhelmed

Hang in there Zelda -- your feelings will turn around --
this is a lot to deal with and it is normal to feel worried.
It is good for you to vent -- this is the best support group I know of!!! There are a lot of great ladies here that know how you feel, and we're behind you. It is a lot to have on your mind and I just believe that the best we can do is to ask the Lord to give us the strength to handle it all. Some of the best advice I ever got when I was feeling overwhelmed like you was to just take it one day at a time, and if that doesn't work, take it one hour at a time, and if that doesn't work, take it five minutes at a time, etc, etc. I never knew what the phrase "one day at a time" meant until I was diagnosed with cancer. That is really all we can do. The rest is up to our Higher Power.

We're always here for you -- feel free to vent anytime!!!


Unread 05-09-2001, 02:59 PM
Feeling a little overwhelmed

Hi Zelda!!!
So sorry you are feeling so down right now, and I understand what you are saying about reading the posts. Yes, some of them can bring you down, but I think overall there are alot of success stories here as well, which is very encouraging.

When I was first reseaching ovarian cancer, I was really shocked at all the reputable sites that were stating just awful stats on long term survival etc. It really is discouraging to read some of these.
But....then once I knew the strain of my cancer
( dysgerminoma), I found a ton of information that was all very very postive and that changed my outlook completely.

Every situation is different, and calls for different treatments of course, but I really think that things are not as bleak as we work ourselves up to think they are.

As the other wonderful ladies have said, you have to just take it one day at a time or whatever increment works for you, and believe that you will beat this and that you will find the strength to deal with whatever it takes to get yourself 100% healthy.

Its so amazing how we do find strength to face things that we always thought would just tear us down.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Zelda!!
M. xo
Unread 05-09-2001, 07:01 PM
Feeling a little overwhelmed


I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I know all of us have gone thru the same at one point or another since beginning their fight with cancer or pre-cancerous conditions. I can't say any of us particuliarly enjoy spending so much time in our Dr's offices. It gets old really, really fast!

I can say the only thing that keeps me from worrying it that I believe I am NOT going to be a part of any percentages! I'm doing great, have no chemo on the horizon and plan on keeping it that way.

They say the best way to fight this is to maintain a positive attitude. I believe this! I know this is easier said than done but know that we are all here for you, supporting you any time you need.

BIG GIANT for you!

Take care and please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Unread 05-09-2001, 08:46 PM
Feeling a little overwhelmed

Wow, thank you so much for all of these responses! I know most of you have dealt with a lot more than I have and it always feels a little selfish to post about me me me. Days like the ones I have had lately get me so down, I really needed to vent. And it did make me feel a lot better! Then to come back and find all of these lovely responses is wonderful!

I went to my rheumatology appointment and didn't get anywhere. I didn't think it would help, the guy wanted to talk about statistics and studies and wasn't making much sense about my particular case. Then he said I should be taking baby aspirin (I have a clotting disorder and have been taking it for a long time, plus was taking it during fertility treatments) and that was that. I spent over an hour in his office while he looked up my disorder on the internet!! Hey dude, I did that months ago and know so much more about it than you can learn in a single session! It was required by my obgyn to talk with this guy, so that's out of the way and I'll get to set up my next appointment and wait for the referral for another month. By the time I get through them all, I should be ready to burst.... but oh well that's life and I'll do what it takes to get through them all and satisfy my doctor that he's unable to cure what ails me without removing certain dysfunctional parts!

Thank you all so much, again, it makes me feel so much better to have this support right now. It is unbelievable pressure and you all know what I am feeling and how it can be dealt with. Or at least have an idea of how I feel, if you haven't already been there, done that!

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