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Will I still be a woman? Will I still be a woman?

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  #1  
Unread 08-08-2006, 09:55 PM
Will I still be a woman?

Okay, so I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous. As it draws closer to the time (and I'm still 21 days away) I've started waking up at night, and early mornings and am dazed and confused during the day- all because the haunting question "Will my husband still look at me like a woman." I even fear he will leave me. This is an unfounded fear, based only on my "pre-op craziness." My husband is a worship Pastor and honorable and trustworthy. I have talked to him about my fear and he is trying to give me extra attention to boost my confidence (and is rather insulted that I would have such thoughts) But, still, I wake wondering if he will see me the same way. Is this a common fear or am I just really crazy ! Thank you all for listening- even being able to type these fears out loud makes me realize just how silly I am being. I hope I remember that at 3am!!
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  #2  
Unread 08-08-2006, 10:08 PM
Will I still be a woman?

I think it's a common fear. When I was 16, my mother had a hysterectomy. The night before she went to hospital, my grandmother (her mother-in-law) told her that she wouldn't be a woman any more. That really upset her. But she and my father remained happily married until he died 26 years later.

When I started thinking about a hysterectomy for myself, I realized that every cell in my body is female. There is no way that taking out my uterus (with or without my ovaries) would make me not be a woman. My surgery was just last week so it's too early to say how it will affect my relationship with my SO. From what I can see so far, I think it will make it stronger.

Your husband sounds like a fine man. I hope and pray that you'll find some peace as you go through this and that your relationship with your husband will become even stronger.

Frances
  #3  
Unread 08-08-2006, 10:47 PM
Will I still be a woman?

You will me more than a woman than ever. Just one less thing to worry about. Your period. You will be the same woman with what sounds like a great husband, one that is supporting you very much.
Relax its not a silly fear, its just a stressful time for you.
Best of luck.

TVH kept ovaries
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  #4  
Unread 08-08-2006, 10:59 PM
Will I still be a woman?

Our reproductive organs do not define us as a gender. A woman is so much more than her uterus. Please don't worry about this issue - you will make yourself sick and paranoid, and that could form a wedge between you and your husband. However, it is brave of you to talk with him about your fears - he sounds very loving and the fact that he felt insulted by your thinking such a thing proves that you mean so much more to him and that he finds you desirable with or without your uterus. If this comes as any comfort, my mother had a hysterectomy when she was 43 years old. She and my dad are 82 now and have been married for 61 years and they NEVER shut up about their vibrant senior sex life, much to the embarrassment of us "young-uns" at family gatherings!
  #5  
Unread 08-09-2006, 05:17 AM
Will I still be a woman?



That concept crossed my mind briefly, but only briefly! Men aren't very good at thinking any deeper than what they can see on the outside! As long as the bits that men still like are still there (which they will be!) that's all they're interested in!

I know we shouldn't 'bash' but they are a little shallow when it comes to sex, etc!

Another thing to think about is that there are obviously major reasons for your getting a hysterectomy and those will go away, which will be better for you and your husband! On the downside, I don't have any excuses to say "No!" anymore!

So, please ... don't give it another thought!

  #6  
Unread 08-09-2006, 05:25 AM
Will I still be a woman?

I think my husband is happy in some ways. No excuse now to not have sex! :-)
  #7  
Unread 08-09-2006, 06:47 AM
Will I still be a woman?

You poor thing! Men don't miss what they don't see. As your husband is a worship pastor, he knows how he's supposed to love you, like Christ loved the church. It sounds like the adversary is messing with your mind. Don't let that happen. Satan's greatest tool to use against God's children is discouragement. The uterus is a female reproductive organ. That's it. It's to house children while in the womb. The ovaries are what I call "Grand Central," in that they pretty much regulate everything. If you're having the ovaries taken out and need HRT/ERT, there's bio-identicals for that. I asked my husband the exact same question as you did and he looked at me like I was crazy! He told me that he can't wait until it's all out because it's caused both of us so much trouble. Now, no more PMS, none of that awful stuff, bleeding, mood swings, nada. It's great. My husband told me that my worst day post-operatively is better than my best day pre-operatively. I think that your husband will be glad to have this all done and in the long run, you will too!
  #8  
Unread 08-09-2006, 06:49 AM
Will I still be a woman?

I know exactly what thoughts you are talking about. I was scared to death going in. I kept asking myself if DH would still want me? Would he think I was less of a woman? Would I still feel the same sexually? I am less than a week out so I can't tell you if the sexual part is still there, BUT I can tell you that even though we can not have sex, I already have the urges and so does he. We both know how painful sex and even just walking was before surgery. Now that the problem is gone we are both looking forward to getting on with our marriage without the pain.

Good luck!! You will do fine! Wishes for speedy recovery coming your way.
  #9  
Unread 08-09-2006, 07:58 AM
Will I still be a woman?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by falldc
I think my husband is happy in some ways. No excuse now to not have sex! :-)
Oh Puh-lease... if I thought I wouldn't be able to tell him no again, I wouldn't do it. It is just an excuse you can't use anymore- but there are tons we can still use, right?
  #10  
Unread 08-09-2006, 08:20 AM
Will I still be a woman?

Wow, I couldn't imagine being in a loving relationship where I would want an excuse NOT to have sex. I think we are being really unfair to men by using such blanket statements such as - they are shallow; they only think about sex. Just as I think it would be unfair of a man to make the statement, say, that all women love to shop more than they love to have sex! The sister who started this thread never said her husband expressed any concerns with her "not being a woman" post-surgery. She said it was her concern, and also stated how irrational a fear that was, but a fear nonetheless. By saying men are shallow and inherently sex-fiends does her a disservice as well.
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