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Sitting at the Computer Crying Sitting at the Computer Crying

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Unread 08-30-2006, 12:16 PM
Sitting at the Computer Crying

I have no where to turn but here so if you can bear with me I need to vent. With all my problems regarding my health I've tried to keep as upbeat as possible around my dh ( he is an invalid due to work accident) so I am his carer 24/7. Of course there have been times when I snapped but would immediately apologise. I'm sitting here literally feeling like someone has sucker punched me. Let me start at the beginning I try and take my 2 yr old German Shepherd for a long walk everyday it helps me to get out in the fresh air plus gives me some exercise. Yesterday on the way home she started being very puppyish jumping around etc and jumped for the lead and grabbed on with all her strength and pulled. I felt something inside me shift and I was in agony. I limped home and tried to go about the daily routine. Hubby was not in a great mood but I broke down in tears with the pain and asked dh to heat up the heat pack and I went to bed for a couple of hours and slept. Woke up feeling a little better still sore but not so bad. Later on in the evening dh is niggling at me over the slightest thing when I asked him what his problem was and what he said left me speechless. He said I am milking this situation and looking for the worst possible scenario so people would feel sorry for me. He ranted on and on and then went to bed and promptly fell asleep. I have looked after him faithfully tended to his needs try to bolster him up when he's feeling down but for him to say this I'm totally in shock. I now am alternating between feeling guilty that I may have neglected some issue with him and angry that he dare suggest such an outrageous thing. All of us ladies would much rather be well and healthy than to milk a situation like this. Its also started me on a road I should not be travelling down for eg. where is everyone when I need help etc, you get the picture. How do I handle this situation do I pretend nothing has happened or do I tell him how hurt I am. Evvie
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Unread 08-30-2006, 12:47 PM
Sitting at the Computer Crying

Hi Evvie,

First sounds like you are a very strong person. You take care of your DH and you are handling your own health concerns. That is a lot for any ~one~ person and you are doing it.

Are you milking it??? NO WAY. You were-and-are in pain. PAIN!!! How else are you supposed to react?? Nothing against your DH and it sounds like he doesn't like it when HE is not the center of YOUR attention. Right now, you have your own health concerns and you need to focus on that. What help will you be to your DH if you don't.

Best wishes,

Unread 08-30-2006, 02:29 PM
Sitting at the Computer Crying


Wow you sure are dealing with a lot. I completely agree with the post above. You need to be strong for both of you and if it takes a moment of (physical) weakness for that to ultimately happen, so be it, you are more than entitled. You ended up this way on a fluke dog move, you didn't decide to start lifting weights and hurt yourself. I don't want to DH bash, but it sounds like a childish reaction on his part. Whether to confront him or not comes down to what you feel in your gut (ha, no pun intended) is the right way to handle this. Weigh the options of not saying anything versus telling him how you feel and decide which one is best for you. If this will eat at you if you keep quiet, then speak up. It won't help you or your relationship if it bothers you and you keep quiet. If you decide that its not worth talking about, make sure you mean it. If you want to speak up the sooner the better...saving it for "and what about three months ago when..." won't do any of you any good. Just make your point clearly and with a rational head, that will let him know he went too far, its not okay and you didn't just blow up over it on a short fuse, you did give it thought and no, its not going to be swept under the rug.

Best of luck and big hug!!
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Unread 08-30-2006, 02:36 PM
Sitting at the Computer Crying

What an awful afternoon. I wonder if your DH's reaction was out of fear? Maybe this was scary for him since he is so dependant upon you. I'm not making excuses for his reaction, it just strikes me as this was a defensive reaction.

I am not sure how to approach this with him but surely you must follow up on this. If you don't, it will most likely grow in form.

Unread 08-30-2006, 02:45 PM
Sitting at the Computer Crying

I'm leaning Julie's way that maybe he was reacting out of fear. He may be thinking "If the dog doing that hurt you so badly, then WHAT will you be like after surgery and HOW are WE going to cope with all this???"
Just a thought - - -
Unread 08-31-2006, 11:38 AM
Sitting at the Computer Crying

Evvie: I lamented this impossibly uncooperative body of mine this a.m. with my husband, and indulged in a moment of ah-me. Many tears, much sadness, fear and frustration. Listen, It's not possible for you to respond to this situation you're in - these "out of control" moments - with aplomb at every turn. Our bodies respond in kind if we repress our emotions. If we brave everything with false poise and bravado, we don't give our ailing womanness its due. We can't separate our physical being from our emotional being. A helpful mediator hint: It sometimes helps to ask questions of others who are giving us a hard time during moments of need, e.g., "You seem angry, what is it you need me to know?" Some good listening will ease your DH's fear that he isn't being heard, and you'll open the door to cry on his shoulder, as needed. Good luck, there are many hearts beating with yours, shaden3

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