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Delayed grief? Delayed grief?

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Unread 10-22-2006, 06:50 PM
Delayed grief?

My dad died of cancer Aug. 30. I was there from the day after his diagnosis until the end (2-1/2 months). The week after his death I was told about my own cancer, and after the hysterectomy I was told that I had had undiagnosed cancer that they found during the biopsy of my removed uterus.

For the past week, on a daily basis, I've been crying and crying and crying. My dad's final weeks/days/hours keep plying in my head and I cry. I see a show that mentions a father's love and I cry. I hear a song and I cry. It's really starting to worry me, and I feel like JUST NOW am I facing the reality of my own cancer. Again (skin cancer in '98).

My eyes are constantly puffy now. I have headaches from crying. I know that I'm just dealing with the grief that I wasn't able to due to my own cancer and that I'm also suffering from the hormonal shock my body is in.
But, DARNIT!!!

Thanks for the support.
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Unread 10-22-2006, 07:17 PM
Delayed grief?

Mellybug, I feel so sorry for you. The tears come unbidden without a recent death also of cancer and loss of a parent. That alone would bring on what you are experiencing. Love yourself and give yourself some sweet treats. Memories of your Dad will always bring weepiness to some extent but it will settle with time. The hormones or lack thereof will settle into a new way of life too. If you feel you need help over the hump speak to your doc. I pray treatment for your own cancer is fast and effective and you will soon feel comfortable as the new you emerges. God bless.
Unread 10-22-2006, 08:00 PM
Delayed grief?

Mollybug, I'm so sorry to hear all that you're going through. i think the delayed grief you're feeling about your father may continue to hit you, sometimes unexpectedly, and sometimes triggered (by movies, anniversary or birthdays, etc.). And, maybe it's also your way of handling your grief about your own diagnosis. I hope you're able to feel more even keeled soon. Meanwhile, maybe you want to talk with a therapist? Best wishes on handling your emotions, and your continued treatment.

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Unread 10-22-2006, 10:23 PM
Delayed grief?

I'm so sorry for all that you've had to deal with, Mellybug. That's a real one-two punch you were hit with. Cry the tears you have to cry and do whatever you have to do to walk through this and take care of yourself. There are better days ahead.

Best wishes,
Unread 10-23-2006, 07:32 AM
Delayed grief?

s sweetie,

You've been through the ringer these last few months. I'm sure this IS delayed grief, and I can imagine how hard it all is for you.
Give yourself time to's important. If you need help after a few weeks, seek a professional to help you get through it...but allow it to come out, don't let it fester inside.
Unread 10-23-2006, 08:17 AM
Delayed grief?

I don't think you are alone, most people delay dealing with their grief and such powerful issues can take years to lessen.

During my treatment I found my self crying often-and it seemed that every movie we rented for my daughter had the mother dying-and life going on (I had to leave the room and cry several times). I still think about how/when I would tell my daughter about me dying -if it turns out that way-and crying (alone).

You are allowed to cry-I think it is very theraputic.

that is why I think this forum is soooo needed-everyone here understands the need to cry.

big hug-
Unread 10-23-2006, 08:37 AM
Delayed grief?


Please don't question yourself and the way you grieve. It's more typical for people closest to the person that died to just begin experiencing the reality and pain 2 months after the passing. There shouldn't be an ounce of guilt or concern on your part as to why you are beginning to grasp your dad's death at this point.

No way around grief, no proper way to grieve. I am deeply sorry for your bad luck, your sorrow. Many of us I'm sure are utterly empathic, and have dealt with or are now dealing with an everincreasing pile of worries and difficulties.

Give your dad his due. Time won't erase, but it will certainly turn slowly away from the almost physical pain of grief to the bittersweet sadness mixed with memories to secretly smile about.

Be positive about your cancer. If it is uterine you are talking about, your prognosis is likely excellent.

Take care, be well.
Unread 10-23-2006, 10:00 AM
Delayed grief?

Thank you, everyone, for your most wonderful thoughts and kind words. Even though they also brought on a fresh round of tears, the first ones of the day, they are so very much appreciated.

I will be attending the grief support group session again tomorrow. I went 2 weeks after my dad's passing (the day I found out about my own cancer), however, I was still in too much shock. So, I will try again tomorrow, now that I can better relate to everyone else.

Thanks again -
I LOVE the comment about the "new me" emerging. The last time I went to the grief group they had said something about never being the same person again. They are SO totally correct. Not only am I not the same person emotionally, I"m not the same physicall as well. I'm "changed", but I have a new opportunity to be BETTER. I can eat better, exercise better, love better and laugh better (after that pain-thing subsides, that is).

Shadedn3 - you had APPENDIX cancer? Wow - that's as obscure as my carrot allergy! Carrots do to me what peanuts do to peanut allergy sufferrers.

Thanks again, everyone.
Unread 10-23-2006, 05:36 PM
Delayed grief?

My heart goes out to you, Mellybug. I remember how terribly painful it was when my mother died and I was not even facing a cancer diagnosis at the time. You have been hit with a double whammy. Thankfully, it will get better with time. Please take good care of yourself.
Unread 10-23-2006, 06:40 PM
Delayed grief?

s Mellybug

I'm so sorry to hear if all you are going thru. Let me share my story with you.

I have been diagnosed with Stage IIIC ovarian cancer over 2 years ago. I reoccured in Dec. of 05 and finished treatment in April of 06. In July of 06, my husband of 27 years was diagnosed with gastroesophagial cancer. He passed away on Aug. 24th, only 6 short weeks from his diagnosis.

About 2 weeks before he passed away, my CA125 spiked from 10 to 225. Yep, another reoccurence. So, I started treatment again. Dealing with treatment again and his sudden death has been the toughest thing I've ever faced.

My point to sharing this with you is that it is o.k. to cry. You have been dealt a double-whamy here, just as I have. There are many times when I've thought that I just want to stop all of this crazy treatment and go be with him. But, my children and grandaughter are still here and I owe it to them to continue fighting this dreaded beast. I continue to work every day, as it is the only thing that keeps me sane.

We WILL get thru this. Everyday there will be memories, songs, photos, something that will trigger either a smile or a tear. It's o.k. Get mad, do whatever it takes to deal with this. We are here for you and we do understand how tough this can all be. Please feel free to vent to us anytime, 24/7 and we'll be sure to leave the on. Also, if you haven't already, please share all of this with your doctor, and don't be afraid to ask for help, such as an anti-depressant or something to help you thru this.


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