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Traumatized and Frightened Traumatized and Frightened

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Unread 10-24-2006, 06:19 PM
Traumatized and Frightened

This whole journey has been painful and discouraging on so many levels. I trusted a female gynecologist for years with my fibroids and heavy periods. I worked, had terrible issues with a teen age son, doubts about myself as a Mother. It seems like I blamed every bad thing in my life on my stubborn bleeding uterus and rushed into a TVH without really researching my alternatives or even seeking a second opinion.

I take a lot of responsibility for that, and even though I am a fabulous and well informed health care professional believed that I could certainly handle the aftermath. Woosh! TVH, home the next day with some advil to cover what small discomfort I may have, I was even on the schedule to work the following week.

Within 2 days I am feverish, bloated, unable to sleep and pitched into full blown menopause, arguing with anyone who would listen, tearful and terrified and not able to soothe myself into a sense of calm. So many things happened to me that tossed me onto my ear and I ended up in the hospital in New Orleans with a pelvic absess that my darling husband feels awful guilt for bringing me across the country for a reunion.

Meanwhile, I am finally being cared for by a new gyny who now has to follow behind a team of misfit MD's to solve this issue. He tells me I can't have sex for another 3 weeks because of the severity of this infection.

I have to pack up my home and move across the country FOREVER in a month and a half, haven't spoken with my child (living at his Dad's and drug addicted, ugly scene) and I feel crappy, crampy and have a genuine hollow spot where my uterus used to be, I can feel it like a punch in my gut.

My life is so boring and frustrating I couldn't even begin to describe it. It's not a financial thing, I have inheritance, trsut funds and annuities enough for 3 women in this lifetime to spend shopping, going to a spa, lunch, travel. I think I ma proof positive that money does not bring you happiness. I do have wonderful friends, a supportive family and love all around but I find myself crying during Dr. Phil. I want to be a stronger person, I want to be able to go back to work, I want to have something to talk about with my husband when he comes home from his day other than my litany of complaints.

If I go back to work, I am frightened that I will cause damage or get hurt and be further dibilitated. I miss being strong and confidant, I miss my sparkling eyes and shiny hair, I miss that spring in my step. I want to know the lesson that this whole episode has taught me, I want to see that light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you my sisters. Thanks for your kind wisdom and for allowing me to have this pity party. I can't imagine anyone else in this world who would even understand the rantings of a hormonal punctured princess other than you.
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Unread 10-24-2006, 06:40 PM
Traumatized and Frightened

Haunted,you poor, poor girl. You definitely deserve a pity party--I'll supply the cyber hugs and tissues. I don't have any advice, but just wanted to wish you luck with your move and recovery. You said you "wanted to be a stronger person" but you must have a pretty strong spirit to deal with all that is thrown at you now. Best wishes!
Unread 10-24-2006, 06:48 PM
Traumatized and Frightened

I luv you and I don't even know you.
I luv you cause you understand.
I luv you cause you describe me.
I luv you cause you find part of the hardest parts of this is not knowing where to look for that strength that disapeared during your surgery.
I luv you cause you posted this post and helped me to feel not so alone.
Thank you - now can you pass the kleenex to this red eyed, straw haired, too complicated a life to explain, broken little girl so the snot can stop flying all over the place?
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Unread 10-24-2006, 06:50 PM
Traumatized and Frightened

Well since you've put it out there I will say that I grew up around people with money (we didn't have it but they sure did! lol) and you're absolutely doesn't buy happiness. It can help with some of the things those of us who don't have it would consider to be an issue, but it brings with it a whole other set of problems.

I am so so very sorry that you have had to go through all this. I can remember reading your posts about the trip and just cringing, hoping you wouldn't go at first and then wanting to just cry for you when things went badly. And now you're moving again. H hire it all out if you aren't already and don't move a finger. Use the connections you have now to find a good person to talk to in your new area and work on helping yourself through some of the feelings you have about your son. We're crossing that bridge in a sense (no drugs involved though) with our daughter and just from a few conversations I have had with an absolutely wonderful therapist, I can tell you I know it is what we need and what I truly need to do to heal. We carry all the guilt for everything as wives and mothers, even when the load isn't ours to bear. You need to put it in its proper perspective and live your life. You will never be able to help your son if you aren't whole, healthy, and happy.

My best wishes to you and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. These are the parts of the Manual for Motherhood we must have skipped over or something!
Unread 10-24-2006, 06:52 PM
Traumatized and Frightened

Thank you Cindy! I feel much better. I'm going to walk my dog and will send you also cyber hugs as I enjoy this beautiful afternoon. What a kind and thoughtful reply!
Unread 10-24-2006, 07:01 PM
Traumatized and Frightened

Sister I fell the same way most days. It becomes overwhelming at times I wonder if I will ever get better. Just when I think I am getting there I get these stupid cramps again. I go through every emotion daily and unless you have been through this you don't get it. Know one I know has had this surgery so it is very isolating. I have my wonderful sisters who get me through. God bless all of you. Anyone else would think I am totally nuts so I just keep it to myself. This has been very hard to deal with. I will get there I hope!
Unread 10-24-2006, 07:04 PM
Traumatized and Frightened

Hi Haunted,

I am sorry you're going through all of this. Life is hard sometimes and we're never promised it would be all rosey. The Bible even says that. But you put your faith in God and yourself and do the best that you can do under the circumstances.

You have been a good Mother and don't ever think any of it is your fault. I always say that my kids never came with instruction booklets.

Sometimes during hard times we learn important lessons. You're just on one of those journeys that teach us strength and perserverence. You are a good person with a lot of love to share and many things in life to do. Soon this too shall pass and things will be brighter.

Keep your chin up. Put your faith in God..for that is where you find your real strength. He will help you move mountains. Your sisters are all here too for you.

Praying for you to feel better physically and emotionally. It will get always does.
Unread 10-24-2006, 07:19 PM
Traumatized and Frightened

You have been through a lot since your surgery. It sounds like you weren't well prepared from the beginning to know what to expect and then for you to have the infection and all has caused your recovery to be even longer and more difficult than the norm.
Please try not to despair,thinking you will never regain your life. I know it seems like a lot of time has passed here but look at all that has taken place in your life during this time. The move alone is a major life event, the situation with your son another and then surgery perhaps the largest of all. Try to rest and be kind to yourself, giving yourself every benefit possible. Anyone would have difficulty coping with all of that.
This is just going to take more time than you had realized. You can make it through this and come out the other side. We're here to help all we can and you do have the strength within you to pull through this. One day you'll be looking back and helping others with all you've learned.
in there!
's, Rita
Unread 10-24-2006, 08:40 PM
Traumatized and Frightened


I think no matter how much we read or how prepared we are, the reality of this surgery is absolutely overwhelming for so many of us. Being tough, strong women, we expect to bounce back and the recovery is so tough. You had a huge infection on top of that to deal with.

I have been watching the last few weeks and it seems like for many a huge poor me depression seems to hit many about a month out. If you went searching, I know you would find one from me!!!

Just keep tabs on how you are doing. Journaling may help you identify some patterns or may give insight to your MD if you are continuing to have difficulties. If you continue to feel this way, you may need to additional counseling to get you through.

Keep talking to us. We are here for you.
Unread 10-24-2006, 08:46 PM
Traumatized and Frightened

All I can say is thank you all for your kind and thoughtfull replies, your tips towards recovery and the insight that you post. It makes me appreciate being part of this wonderful, mysterious sisterhood of WOMEN and I have gained respect and understanding for you all. I cry tears of relief that you are all here. And am gratefull that you are here for me and every woman who follows, or has walked this path and shares her insight and wisdom. WOW!!!!!

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