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What do you say to people? What do you say to people?

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Unread 11-10-2006, 01:57 PM
What do you say to people?

I am looking for some nice responses to people....namely family who question why I am not "over it" by now. (TAH 4weeks today)
Who ask if I am milking it, why arent I able to do more, that women have them all the time, its no big deal that my MOM actually said to me. None of these people have had one, so how do you respond to make them HEAR you., the only other option and I have done it, lie and say I'm doing great, rather than be questioned.
But are there responses that make them realize they mis judged you, or to have a bit more understanding?
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Unread 11-10-2006, 02:16 PM
What do you say to people?

Sorry you are feeling this pinch. I read another post of yours and you strike me as somebody who is strong and who does know what's best for yourself. You probably also treasure pleasing others too. Those around you may be dodging or skirting the situation, putting it back in your lap because they really don't know how to deal with it. Mom is probably terrified about the whole thing, but doesn't know how to show or express this. (If this is not the case, then she needs to work on a few of her own issues, so if possible try not to take her reactions to heart.) Please try to not question your good judgement about your healing and hopefully you can appreciate what a great thing you are doing for yourself, taking control of the power to take your time and do it right. I am sure they will respect you for that too. Hugs to you!!!
Unread 11-10-2006, 02:18 PM
What do you say to people?

Personally, I have a sheet from the hospital. It specifically lists my limitations for next 8 weeks (lifting, baths, driving...). I would gladly shove it in their faces if they said another word to me! Just because it is a common surgery, doesn't mean it isn't MAJOR SURGERY. I guess I'm not very tactful. Maybe some of the other sisters will have a better suggestion.
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Unread 11-10-2006, 02:39 PM
What do you say to people?

The fact that really got to me - that I often quote to myself because I am doing amazingly well and feeling really great just 2 weeks post TAH is that "I have hundreds of stitches inside of me that need time and care to heal properly - I may look good on the outside, but inside there's still a whole lot going on!". Maybe if you tossed this fact out as a "wow, can you believe it?" your family may have pause for thought about your recovery also! Love, heavenblessed
Unread 11-10-2006, 02:46 PM
What do you say to people?

My standard answer to this is: "I'm following my doctor's instructions to the letter, and the instructions are very specific for lifting and exertion in the first six weeks because of the particular procedure I had done and because of all of the internal stitches which need to heal." No need to say any more.

If they keep pressing, just repeat that you're following your doctor's orders. If they ask for more details, repeat once again that you're following your doctor's orders..... Eventually they'll figure out that you aren't going to give out your most intimate medical details. You're under no obligation to do so.

Hope this helps. Try to focus your energy on healing rather than people who want to find fault in you.
Unread 11-10-2006, 03:01 PM
What do you say to people?

I agree with all the above. Try to remember that this is their issue and not yours. You seem pretty clear on what you need to do.
Unread 11-10-2006, 04:40 PM
What do you say to people?

Let's see, tackfully, hummmmm..... I start with the whole "I'm following my doctors orders" thing. Then follow up with "he saved my life and my oldest life while I was pregnant" then give up on the whole polite thing and in a sassy tone start in on graphic descriptions of my surgery begining with "they knocked me out, cut me from hip to hip, took out ALL of my repoductive organs" and so on!!! I stop when they turn green
But that's just me, I'm not feeling to polite these days.

Amy lou
tah, delux edition, app, sling repair, 9-11-06
waiting on my big fat hematoma to go away!
Unread 11-10-2006, 10:45 PM
What do you say to people?

Amylou, you crack me up. If I get bugged about it I have a tendency to explain to them what really happened with the surgery. It drives me crazy that people actually believe that the surgery is no big deal just because it is common. So is open heart surgery and I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to say that it is "no big deal" I have been blessed with very understanding family, boss, friends and most important dh has been just awesome. If my family hadn't been supportive my solution would have been to either have my doc put in writing some facts that would show them what I was really going through or print it off of here. The -for men- section on this site is an awesome place to print out facts. Also printing out our responses and showing it to them. I probably wouldn't mess with it if it was just acquaintances or so called friends but I do think it important for your mom and sisters to have a REALITY CHECK on what you are going through. I find it terribly sad that they are being so cruel. You are an incredibly courageous woman and please take very good care of yourself. People don't realize that doing too much can cause things like hematomas, adhesions and/or hemmoraging. I will be praying for you and congrats on your engagement.
Unread 11-11-2006, 03:47 AM
What do you say to people?

I just point out that the majority of the women who die from a hyterectomy do so from complications that occur in the 6 weeks following the surgery not during the surgery itself. Sorry if that frightens all you post op girls but its true and is why you should follow your doctors instructions to the letter. Shuts the rellies up too.

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